solitude..imagination...n reality..

Time for a new post.... perhaps smthin long awaited(by me ofcourse!! i aint hinting on my readership)

hmmmmm howzit like to b sailin on a lil boat.. that has.. umm well.. a shabby look.. a single sail( i mean to point at dat curtain sorta thing that drives the boat when d wind blow.... m not really sure wat they call it..) hmm yea.. the moon.. a full moon haan... and stars ofcourse.. and just me..... n junk food.. n a fishing rod( i dunno how to use it waise!$%*&^%) n ya.. soft music han... hmmmmm ok.. n a nice pillow...... and may be a book to read(i dont read.. i jus thot i'd keep it so i can actually test dat phrase "A book is man's best frnd" ) hmmmmm peace... i feel gud already.. hehe... ok... n boat's headed... well.. umm ok north east( not pointin at sm specific place.. jus like d way "north-east" sounds :P) hmmm but ya.. may be in d midst of umm i dunno.. mauritious.. !#$%^&*$%^&#.. hee.. i like d way "mauritious" sounds too... han... so m sailin haan.. n movin n goin smwhere.. mmmmmmmmm n how'd it be if 5 of my buddies pop up from nowhere... han.. from under the sea.. n go like.. "heyyyyyyyyyyy tass! yooo tazzy!! Razzmatazzz.. helloo madammm.. Tasneem!!!! " ya.. dats how they;d go lolzz!" n join me on dat boat.. heheh...

pop!!!!! jaaagoooo madamm! ting ting ti ting!!
my figments of imagination go haywire at times!!

Umm well.... i was given this advice a while ago, wn i sent across a wierdoooo mail(it sure was hehe stupidly scary yucky lukin faces, absolutely distorted.... a chimera(pronounce ki-mee-ruh{learnt a new word.. thot i;d use it.. since it fits d bill... well it means..a horrible or unreal creature of the imagination}) sorts.. ahhhhh hold on.. i'll frame dat sentence again...... ya so i was given this advice wn i sent across a forward described above... i was told to consult a "good guy" n i went like... ahhh.. a "Good guy"... kisliye yaarooo???.. a gud doc boleto ek baat hoti!!! n wat reply do i get... hmm .. so no one bothers to trouble me! and so dat m protected!.... ohh yeaa rrrrrrrite!.. now.. i'll tell ya wat my usual reply wud be for this reply.. i'd say... i dont need protection for now.... n then.. know wat response i;d get?? ahhh.... shez so obssessed with herself!!! haan.. aisi hota... but... i wudnt say dat anymore.. i;d rather stay mum.. whn u hav n opinion made... there aint a point "explaining".. bohot sara background cleanup karna padta actually (wats in d background.. is always in d foreground... yellow lite wahan.. to yellow lite yahan [Sadath sir bole the :)] )

neva mind..... i havnt ever said things like... m matured and ur a kid n it happnz... baaaa! jaanedo i dont think i wana... yaikzz... it aint gud to fall short of words...

i was asked if i'd like to "try" something... i sort of answerd in the negative...although there seemd lot f hinting on "wanting to hear" a positive..... so now.... i think..... i'll do it.... i wont "try" may be i'll jus do it.........

ahhhh i jus mess up wid my mind tracks so badly... one(dat dznt include me) wud neva undstand, evn if they;d want to... like anil usually puts it... most of ur posts bounce over my head!! .. may b m just good at camouflaging my thoughts(read feelings/emotions etc. etc.)

and know wat know wat know watttttt!! Radhaz(my team mate) engaged n she makes a nice pair wid her guy :)
and and andddd.... hmmm kuch naiiii :P

wz into "the box"... n out again :)

5.58pm n man have i loadssss to put in here!!! wooo i missd this place... its been enormously hectic for me since umm well two days.... bad bad bad n bad.. dats wat i felt n umm blaa d gud thing is m lisnin to "kehna hi kya" finalyy :) and.... and and andddddddd.. my silly thoughts of yestrday although kinda spoiled my "yesterday" dint overshadow it all for "today" .. n since i was all like... ahh mummy... it shudnt be morning tomorroo.. ( oh yea!! i said dat to mum yest... i dint wanna cm to office oneee bit... ) hmm n all dat coz i wasnt able to do the work i was given yest... n it kinda... pulled me .. umm well... yea... it did pull me down... i know .. i knoww... was on my way into "the box" again... n NO ONE WZ PUSHING ME INTO IT.. i was jus pulling myself into it... but hey... i managed to crawl out once again... n i really really realllyyy hope i dont get back in... i had such a bad yesterday i tell ya... iwas soo damn pissed off.. n felt.. "incapable" ahh i know i knoww.. againnn.. very stupid of me.. how cud i judge on dat lil thing... judge "my capability" !!!!! wooooo dats heavy... but yea.. a not so peaceful nite isnt very gud.. sleepin wid d thot ke.. please please please.. kal subah na ho.. isnt gud.. infact its very very very bad... i even ignored my frndz calls n smsz tooo :D sorryyyy... was jus tooo low.. for just about anything... but thn.. d end of it wasnt all dat bad... managed to steal a few hours of sleep from that "pareshan thoughts" after a talk wid a frnd... so a "thanx" conveyed there... and "sorries" too to my pals...

hmmm but hey... i did it :) n mansooooo... u always know i will han... :) :) but know wat... smtimes... it jus dznt help to tell urself.. u cn do it.. wn u see urself "not duin it" but there again... u emerge out well haan.. hmmmmm.. :) the gudie the me... :)
me d glads.. n me d very d very d latesss... 6.07 damnnnn!! i dare miss d busss!!!!!!

kuch nai...

hmmm actually.. today m here.. to write fr d heck of it... yup!!( now odnt u raise ur eyebrows tellin me "as if u dont do dat everyday Tasneem! :D)
well ok.. no reasoning n stuff here.. i jus.. umm wel.. wanna put in some pic here.. n go on n on bout it.. its jus.. to umm well.. may b... for... say... ahhhh.. ab time pass hi samjhlo yaa.. karna chahti hoon bass.. :D
hmmm here goes..

woww... luk at wat i put my hands onnn... beeeaauuutttiiifuuullll hainaa..

hmmmm... lukin at dat... js one thing comz to my mind rite now.. i jus wanna walk that path... with my sister.. n tell her.. dat dad really loves her more than he luvs any of us....

i need to get off here.. not in d right mood to rite!
adios!

a note to my readers

ok.. i know the title is too bhaari bharkam.. i dont mean to flaunt dat i;ve got.. umm well.. 1... 2.. ok 3 readers is what m sure of atleast... not dat m adressing jus to them.. who eva comes across my blog... well there again i dont mean to say... ahh.. i'll make it simpler by jus saying what i mean to rather than saying what i dont mean to....
this place.. is where m out wid everything dat makes me think.... anytihng i wanna say to myself.. is what i put in here.. its all very very personal.. but ya.. worth sharing with all those who matter to me.. havent eva publicised this page of mine.. but ya... wud want whoeva's important to me.. to know of what i think.. n since i may not be able to reachh all those who matter to me,for a personal talk or a share of opinion.. m duin it here.. and this definitely dznt mean... m tryin to publicise any side of me.. jus like how ppl rite diaries.. i jus chose a layer above.. coz i find riting diaries borin n therz always dat thing of sm1 readin it whn u mite not want 'em to... dats y i put all d stuf i wudnt mind being known over here..

n hey... dont anyone of u get bak to me y i've ritten this post..!!

a colorful cup of.. umm cocktail.. :p

well lemme first say y i got bak for a second post for d day... ummm.. ok u guessed it... ennui!! n ya one more thing.. my eyes smhow fell over this lil icon.. which when i moved mouse over.. it read "Add image" n i went like.. ooooohhh.. ahh i know.. bad presence of mind.. very stupid of me to hav ignored dat lil thing for sooo soo sooo long.. n henceee.. i decided i;d use it today.. n wat bettr cud i think of... or i;d rather say.. what better cud a tired brain think of.. had a cup of cocktail(umm i call it dat, i named my wierd taste.. cocktail actually) n so... here it goes.. but hey... gud paintin eh!!?!?!

adios! not returnin fr d day...

Ability is what you're capable of doing

Motivation determines what you do

Attitude determines how well you do it

Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around

well dats wat it reads here in Srimant's cube.. oh how i wish my world would jus turn around n goo zzzzzzzzommm... i need a spinn... kya yaa.. ye bhi koi kaam hua.. its so borin to work on anaothers machine i tell u.. ur mind is so customized to workin wid ur kinda stuff.. dat jus a lil here n there makes ur mind go up n down.. no music here... colorless desktop.. borin sa luk.. well msgr hai.. phir bhi... usme bhi baat nahi.. ahh.. how i wish i cn get bak to my machine asap!! ye silly TR solve kardun bas.. or may be.. i;d get another one to finish.. ? nahii.. well wateva.. n this silly code.. ahh icing on d cake sort! blaa! its best wrkin on ur code yaa.. things alway seem messy whn ur wid anotherz code.. but therz nuthin like ur workin on ur code in dis industry! blaa! bluuu blee!

orissa ka peda kharun abhi mein... apne dood pede jaisa hai.. Soumendra brough it from home.. hmm yellow color ka hai.. ahh janedoo!!!..

may b i'll get bak.. i know i neva make sense in here! dadum dadumm! di dii di dii

ok thank you( :D d idea was to get in that lil girl in kuch kuch hota hai whn shez on stage n she finishes her speech or talk or wateva n srk;s daughter is on stage next n her topic is.. ahh "ma".. m gonna be on wid d whole script now!!)

well d point was.. i jus wantd say .... goodbye :)

home goin time...

ummm one of its kind, a simply.. typically "wipro day at work".. week was gud n bad.. zabardast graph aata if i start plottin d ups n downss.. hehe.. wid peaks bein really high haan.. umm wo kya bolte.. the crests and troughs... hmm so.. the crests... umm i think d higher onez r d crests.. so.. they;d be more.. n the troughs.. wich i think are d lower ones.. wud not be too deeply loww.. blaaaaaaa.. wt m i sayinn!! :D

eeekss janedo... home goin time.. hmmmmmm like i always say... d best part of cmint o wrk.. is d thought of getting back home.. walkg dat path to d bus bay area(dats wt they call it here)

ta ta :)

wow!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i dont believe what happenedddddddd!! oh my Goddd!!!!! i dont believe thiss!!!!! the fone jus rang.. n it said "Sadatullah sir" i cudnt believe, i jus pikd the fone and it was himmmmmmmmmm!!! he called me all the way from bangalore to ask me how i am!!! can you believe dat??!!?! i cant!! i really cant...
he went like.. this is Sadath from bangalore, can i talk to you for two minutes.. i said sure sir.. and he went like how are things at office now.. and i said its perfectly alrite sir... it jus tuk me two minutes to sort out everything..!!!! and he jus laughed a bit and said.. Alhmdulillah... may Allab bless you, jus keep on your word, you shall always succeed.. I AM SOO HAPPY yaaa.. i really cant say how happy i am.. he called to ask me how it all went.. ahhhh woww!!!! i feel like m flying.. hez so concerned, hez sucha bz man i tell you.. and he bothered to call me up.. i dont even remmber giving him my number, i dont know how he managed to get mine.. wow!!!! woww wowwwwwww!!!!

He touched my life.

Its 8.44 am, and i'm at my desk with loads to share, i have so many things to tell myself, so many things my friends wanna know.. m gonna meet 'em over lunch n tell 'em all about it.. they were very eager.. all wondering.... wats rong wid Tasneem :). i happen to realise, they care more than i thought.

i keep saying.. not very often though... that LIfe teaches and I am learning. the last three days of my life have been somehting like a bookmark. i had just read that people can have n impact and touch lives, never had i experianced that. it was in these three days that i really realised that. may be i shud say.. just yesterday.. coz wat happended yesterday.. never happened to me earlier. i felt like i took the biggest risk of mylife. now it seems so meager to me, but i realise, it was the most daring challeneg i took up yesterday. if i couldnt do it yesterday, i wouldnt ever be able to do anything later on. i was being backed up by a huge gathering. i couldnt believe it.. i saw it all in movies n read it in novels n magazines happening to "big" people, and NO m not exaggerating, this is the exact state of my mind and heart rite now.

i had been to this workshop called "Discover Yourself." by Sadatullah Khan, the editor of Islamic Voice a monthly magazine. i was very eager to attend it since about 5 6 months, thats since i had read about it in that magazine. i was in the course of the "workshop" and i learnt many little things that i had been ignoring. but the mos important event was this.

I had planned to take a sick leave on monday( it was a three day workshop sat sun n mon). i had run out of my annual leaves and i did not want to go for n LOP. i had all my sick leaves and thought i'd use one of them. there was a lil thing dat kept sayin.. your goin for a good cause and ur lieing Tasneem( its not that i never lie. smtimes in little things that i feel "dotn matter" i lie effortlessly) and this one.. i never considered it a lie. neways.. i dint even think about it.
Saturday passed and sunday too, i had a nice itme learning the little things of life, very little things that all of us know very well, i jus happend to get them brsuhed up, with people sharing thier experiances. it was so good. Mr. Sadat was talking of something and there was already some1 in the audiance who could relate that to thier personal life and they were kind enuf to share it, and so... whatever he was saying dat sort of seemd "hypothetical" to me seemd so real when i realised, hey... this is true and it has just now effected a life.
neways.. although i was learning and understanding.. i couldnt match many things with any part or may be i should say incident of my life.Then... it was the third day, monday... Sameer bhai was dropping me to dat confernce hall everydya, he asked if m goin to office, i said no, u have to drop me to the same place, he askd if i called up office, i said no, he askd me to call, then i said... i'll do it later..... all the while in the car, i was thinkin, i'll do it now... but i smhow.. was sort of hesitant to call up NAidu n tell him m not well so wont come. i reached d place.. i thot i'll do it now... i tried... i couldnt... i enterd d hall, i thought again.. i'll do it now... but again i dint... i smhow kept trying, but smthing was pulling me... and at d best thing was.. i dint realise i was so hesitant.. all this was so unconcious to me. i jus kept postponing it.. n i dint give it any importance either, i dint give that hesitation any importance..
the day started, Mr. Sadath began to speak, he askd one of my sister's friend how shez feeling about d the two days shez already spent here, she was on stage and she shared with us all, m feeling gud, iw as laughed at by my brothers and others at home, but i am trying and i saw yesterday, they are realiseing too..... on that.. he(mr. Sadath) took a pen in his hand and placed it on his palm and asked Akhila Baji to try and lift it. everyone in the hall was shocked and she was a lil embarassed too, newyas.. she jus held her hand out n lifted the pen. he then said to her, i askd you to try to lift not to lift it.... everyone got confused... so was i... then he said.. ok.. now you try hard to lift it... she again didnt understand what to do,, she laughed n we all laughed. then he said... ok.. lift it... n she lifted it.. v all laughed again. and it clikd to me... damn.. dats wat.... m jus trying to call since then... y m i not actually calling?? he was still going on with that.. n i jus got up from my chair and walked out... i made a call to Naidu and said.. Naidu m not well so cant make it to office. he said.. ok... take care.. n phewwwwwwwwwwwww... wat a relief... i walkd in, but i still felt.. well it wasnt difficult at all, but.. i sudnt have lied... but dat thought was jus in d background.. too tiny.. it wudnt effect me.. i was glad i called up... went back n sat wid all concentration and enjoyed the talk. the very next topic he convered was integrity. n ting tong.. it was like.. smthing striked.. dats d value of wipro!! silly me... shameless me.. damn.. i thot.. whatever he discussed was in the light of ISlam and the Quran and hadeeth. i felt bad now and told myself m gonna apply for n LOP tomorrow n then feeling a little better i continued n enjoyed my day.

it was evening. time to leave.. jus then, Mr. Sadath said, plz come and share what you have learnt and realised from what we have been workin on since these three days...
i really wanted to share this bit of my life... the "try" bit... and i went on n talked about it.. everyone was smiling at me.. and so was I.. i even told bout how i lied n how i realiesed and dat m gonna apply a lop tomorro... jus then mr. Sadath said, y tomorro.. do it rite now... n i jus lukd at him.. shocked.. he said.. go.. call ur manager, tell him u lied , tell him you are at a workshop... i was on stage, i was embarassed, i had a mike in my hand.. n i went... nooooo wayyy.. i cant do dat.. n he said.. you just told me you realised what it means to be a person of ur word, then y not. truth has power, thes are little things, he shouted again, he said.. go out rite now, talk to your manager, i kept sayin i cant do it.. the whole gathering there began tellin me to go do it and dat i can.. it was sooo wierd.. i cudnt believe it... ppl were recording all this too.. i was so embarased.. i jus thot i;d share the try bit n luk wats happening. but then i realised, well its true... what i am here for n what i did.. if i cant keep my word now.. if i cant keep my word after realiseing the importance of my word.. i never can do it again in my life. if i dont initiate this change now, i never will. there were "big" ppl in the hall offering me thier cell fones to make the call.. i said no.. i have my own.. n walked out... i was terribly horrified.. i cudnt believe i had to call up naidu and tell him i lied n that iw as at a wrkshop, my frnd told me not to.. i told her if dont do it now.. i wont do it ever,,, she had done d same thing.. tuk a sick leave... she calld up n spoke to her boss.. i walked out.. to call naidu.. he wasnt at his desk... i went back in.. every one in d hall was waiting for me... he called me on stage.. n said come back here.. tell us what happende.. i said he wasnt at his desk.. n he dznt carry a cell , its wid his wife( he really dznt). i felt so uneasy, now i wanted to really call up n confess.. cudnt take this pressureo n me... trust me.. it was killing me dat moment. Mr. sadath said, you did not intend to, dats y you cudnt.. but atleast you tried. so get bak. i got back to my seat... but this was the biggest storm i ever felt in my heart. who m i fooling? myself? i dont have d courage to be on my word, and i pretend to be a gudie? i cant do this little thing formyself, what can i ever do for any one else?? i walked out again.. the talks were on.. the other ppl in their were sharing thier experiances.. neways.. iw as already the cynosure for d day!!(ahhh!!!!!) i called up naidu again.. he was ther... but i cudnt talk to him, i ran outta balance.. damn i said to myself.. y is this happening.. i wwnt inside again.. mr.sadath was lukin at me.. askd wid his eyes.. what happnd.. i js smiled.. i tuk asma's cell n calld again.. this time i could speak to naidu... i said.. naidu i called up in the mornin to tell you i was sick and .. cuttttttttttttt... damn!! it got disconnected again... i cudnt belive this was happening to me.. i really cudnt.. dat fone ran outta balance too.. it had js enuf to make a 1 minute call... i went in again.. there was a guy i askd him if he had a fone.. he said no.. i went inside again.. i tuk another ladies fone.. n called up... n finally this time.. i cud talk to him... i told him.. naidu... i called up in the morning to tell you i wasnt well.. actually... m at a workshop, and i am ok... i was feeling guilty about the whole thing so i called you to tell you that ia m here... i am very sorry. and he asked.. what workshop.. i told him bout it.. then he askd.. inside wipro? or outside wipro? i said.. its outside wipro.. n he said.. Tasneem this is not corrct.. its integrity issue you shud not do this.. r u coming tomorro... i said ys... ok v'll tlak tomorro he said.. n cut d fone..
i dunno what i felt after dat.. it was like sooo much peace... so much peace.. but a new storm.. of what will happen tomorro. i walked in.. n ppl noticed the in and out i was duing n d worry dat i had on my face.. i went again on stage.. and i said what happend.. and then iw as told.. you kept your word.. m sure ur feeling powerful now........ believe me.. whn iw as told go talk to ur boss now.. i told myself.. this fella'z lost it... fine hez teaching gud things... but hey.. is he nuts?! i cant do dat... but i realised.. as i felt d nothingness... dat if i do it.. i;d feel peace.. and hey.. I did.... and then another thing.. dat i shall never forget...

after all htis.. i headed for Asar prayers.. i finished namaz and i jus turned around to move bak to the hall, a lady... aged about.. 45 or more... came to me and askd my name.. i said Tasneem and smiled.. and she said.. beta.. ap jo kare wo bohot acchi cheez thi. i jus smiled... and iw as still worried.. she then said to me.. ap abhi bhi pareshan dikhre... pareshan mat ho... mein abhi namaz me dua kari ap donon ke liye, kal sab theek hoga inshAllal.. I cudnt believe it.. i was on d verge of crying... this women.. who dznt even know me... had included me in her dua after her namaz. and she said she asked her fellow mate also to include us... i was overwhelmed... this is perhaps the best event of my life... som person i dotn even know has specially prayed for me in their namaz. i pray for myself my family and friends and and all muslims in general but never did i wid heart and soul pray for some1 like this.

it was so touching.. therz a difference in me. i realised it yesterday... the first wo days iw as all excitd n happy dat therz gona be a change.. but now i realise i was js sayin dat to myself.... but waht happnd yestrday evening... made me realise... dat yes.. there really is a difference.

i came today morning.. calm.. in peace... to face naidu... he is usually d first or d second to come(i am first otherwise) i prayed dat he shud come b4 me today.. n as i walked in he was there.. i js walked to him strait... and was mum... he lukd at me.. i lukd at him.. he wanted to smile( it seemd dat way to me) but he dint.. then he jus told me.. v encourage such wrkshops Tasneem, but you must say, you shudnt do this.. and i jus replied, yes i realise dat.. and i was guilty so i called up yesterday, and i am sorry i shall never repeat this. and dats itttttttt!!!!!! it tuk me less than 2 minutes to sort it .. less than two minutes!! of what i thot .. would turn out.. very bad...

i feel so gud :)

hey... its 9.41 am now :)
ciao!!

P.S hey i frgot to mention.. on d first day i had got this "homework" to do to find out my +ves n -ves from the ppl who are closest to me... n wow.. what all i got to know.. i dint know they think of me life dat... n i ensured they dint say it fr d heck of it.. i cud fel it.. they so true in criticsm too.. n i realised i unconciously started wrking on my negatives already :)

heading home :) heading towards a weeknd :)

heyyyy... its time to go home home homeee..... :)
i really wonder... how these ppl manage to stay away from their homes... pity them sorts too...
well d best part of comin to office is to walk dat path to d bus bay area... so i cn get bak home... mmmm luv it.. n d toppin on d cake.. i;ve got a great weeknd plan.. wil post bou tit laterzzz :)

ciao..

n m so glad :)

know wat...

its a great feelin to accomplish a task which u begin wid the thot that

"its difficult, i doubt if i can do it"

n i;ve jusssss had d "feel" of dat kinda feel :)

n m so glad...

i dint think i'd b able to do it... but then... i jusssssssss did it.. :)

n m so glad

hey, this is goin rhythmic heheh

n m so glad

nah.. wont make it irritatin

but m still sooo glad

weekend ahead... rejoice rejoice..

n therz no doubt.. dat m glad

ciaoo

:(

i've been procrastinating this post of mine since quite sometime now.. not that i;ve loads to scribble.. but.. you know.. i jus somehow manage to fill it up.. but ya.. i do sort of hav content.. coz.. m .. upset. n angry.. vey angry.... i left my earfones at my desk like i always do... this morning.. i dint find them connected to my system.. the extension cord was in its place but the earfones wer missing :(( .. how bad is dat now... n u know.. m kinda used to it... i happen to do quality work n less time with them on.. not dat i cant buy a new pair.. but buttt.. not fair yaa.. mere hi mile the kya?! sabke to the yahan.. then Y MINE :(

memory to philosophy...

"Do you see me as a resource that comes free to you in the name of friendship?" ya.. dat was the most bitter thing i had ever said to anyone... it was long time ago.. i had said dat to one of my most dear friend coz i was hurt n i was expected to help in a meaty issue and behave like nuthing had happend, not that i did'nt want to help.. but hey..i dont like bein taken granted for.... i still remmber those words jus as i had said them.. n hate them just as much... but ya.. the guilt isnt as much.. coz the words wernt taken seriously... the recipient dint seem to care.. so atleast m off the guilt dat i hurt sm1 wid those bitter words...
what we say is so important.. we still use words loosely.. i am usually veyr careful about what i say... but smhow..u know an angry mind jus yells out...
"words" are losing thier essence as time passes.. wat is said is forgotten, nuthingz usually registered in the mind.. it jus takes a single way .. u know.. in thru one ear n out frm the other.. but dats bad... when sm1 says smtihng.. its important for them.... n they see it important even for the person they are talking to.. listening skills is what they name it now... n pack it up all to showcase it as an 'advantage/skill' that will take you places.. but isnt that something minimum required of the human ettiquettes that we supposedly possess??

hey.. i managed that well eh?? started off wid smthin dat js clikd n.. moved on to.. ehmm well.. philosophyy.. errkkk.. but hey.. i still maintain its n issue worth pondering over.. atleast i will, whn i read dis smtime again.. :)

signing off... :)

ur this ur dat ur marzi ur everything!!!

Its no fair you know, when one cares.. one cares.. when ur askd to prove it.. it hurts... i;ve always put things this way... if u cant do smthin dat another person likes.. atleast dont do things they'd dislike... it always happens.. i dont want to do things another would want me to... dats not d stubborn side of me.. i jus wudnt want to coz of sm silly reason... may b coz i havnt earlier done it, or dont find it rite or dont like to do it... then y cant it just b that way... i dont expect ppl around me to do things i like, all i expect is a little consideration only to accomadate things into thier comfort zones... never out of it... then y dz this side of of it hav to b highlightd.. smtimes wid taunts( u really dont realise whn ur taunting a person.. only d person whoz at d recieving end knowz wat its like.. trust me! u;d neva know whn u;v tauntd sm1 n they'v felt bad about it) smtimes with labels.. ya.. may b not direct.. but indirect.. to finally make u feel.. ya.. ur stubborn n this aint gud, ur selfish n this aint gud, ur self cntered n dis aint gud, ur hard hearted and this aint gud, ur stone hearted n dis aint gud.. n finally u dont hav a heart.. n this aint gud.... the crudest of humans wud breakdown on such thots about them.. n ppl think it dznt effect.. it dznt matter.... all this.. jus coz.. u suposedly possess wat are called "principles of life" and (mind you this term is also something sm1 else imposes on you ) ur ways of doing things, ur thots, ur feelings.. and in all this.. the "thots" and the "feelings" are stolen of all the limelight and all credit goes to "ur"... y is it always u...and you are again told "ur this ur dat ur marzi ur everything"... i ask Y NOT?? when you care... you share.. smtimes u cant .. u jus cant.... i ask again SO WHAT!!??

this onez jus fr u Shubha

u neva know yaa. u jus neva know... jus a lil while ago iw as so pissd off... i hated everythin around me.. this place this cube this sys.. wanted a damn break.. frm duin "nuthin" n its d end of d day.. n here..i get these dilbert cartoons from shubha.. n man i cudnt stop laughing.. n hey.. m all smiles at d end of the day... n bhook bhi lagri n ghar jaane ka time bhi.. see it all ends soo well.. wid pals like shubha around.. life is colorful :)

loggd this jus to reminisce how u made my day dear Shubha. m glad ur my friend sweety :) thanx a tonne :)

17Jan'2007, subah7.20 se lekar abtak ki daastaan

well the title meant-"17 January'2007, my tale from 7.20am till now"

"Tasneem uthoooo tumaku office nai jana hai aj,7.30 hogaye?"(Tasneem, get up! dont u have to go to office today, its 7.30 already) my sister yells at me, n i pushd d blanket off my face to see therez lite all around.. n i feel.. heyy!! its morning already... n as i fidgetted to find my phone around my pillow, a look at it made me go crazy! IT REALLLY IS 7.20... damn i leave home at 7.30 every day n i;ve got js 10 minz...had no time fr anything but a wash n to slip into wateva clothes i cud put my hands on.. n i rushed downstairs since it was 7.35 already.. well managed to reach d bus stop on time.. n was in office again in no time.. although its a long journey, i really dont know y it ends up so soon.. expecially when i dont want it to...

no breakfast either.. ahh i was soo hungry... anywyz managed a 'masala omlette' here.. which he gave me after i was thru wid all my patience level.. i dunno y it tuk him so long for 1 omlette..(atually uski galti nai hai... he had too many orders already, but hey!! sabko aj hi omlette order karna tha kya.. whn i was hungry!!!) blaa.. managed to grab a bite.. well.. quite a few onez actually.. n thn got bak to my cube wid my cup of cocktail.. n hav been well pretty much lazing around since then... well.. not dat i dont hav wrk(waise sach poocho to aj sachme kam nai hai :) ) neways... d barbeque at d farm fotos were appreciated :) .... geee.. js dat i cud wile away some time mailing 'em to my frndz :) hmmm n thn it was lunch time... moved to d cafeteria aftr namaaz, n i saw no familiar face there... well actually i did.. js dat i dint find myself comfrtable enuf to join 'em fr lunch... so got bak... n here goes... again i think m hungry n overwhelmed by ennui.. i sit typin watevvaz on my mind... i wish i really can, smday, put down watevvaz in my heart jus as effortlessly as i do this...

neva mind..
m off it fr now...

adios!!

:) aye haaye :)

as if i jus needed a bahaana!!!!!! Patrick Ostman's visit to wipro probably aint all dat imp to him( nah it actually must be) than it was to me.. not that i knew it would be this way!! hehe.. wierd stuff n all to put in here.. n take my word.. iw as actually tryin to keep all those events in mind so i wudnt miss thm.. this one has to go on my blog.. was my thot!! :D

Remainder: meeting with Patrick at 12pm followed by lunch

i put it on a snooze.. (remind jus 5 mins earlier karke!!) wasnt like very eager bout d whole thing... nor was i inquisitive bout how a client meet mite be.. but yea.. as it proceeded it unvield to me so many surprise.. all of which i welcomed and learned from...

we were all at Coral( dats d name of d room where v had d meet) 5 minz early.. n dat fella was already in there..... it was today .. infact at dat time dat i realised.. oh .. d ppl in my team actually hav got some life in 'em!!! they wer laughin around.. jus like lil kids would outside d principal's room in school :D, neways.. both naidu n kannan( d PM's) were already in there.... n one of these ppl entered n the rest follwed him into the room... there he stood smiling, dat sure was a pleasing site smhow there was warmth in it( i dunno how i read all dat from his smile.. but yea.. m very sure i dod read all dat frm jus his smile.. coz i felt myself returning a similar smile( n cummon u know when u really smile dil se n whn u jus paste one on ur face!!) )

neways.... his face n shirt wer both pink... d only difference was.. that when he smiled or laughed ( which he did quite a few times) his face would go a lil more pink and his ears would sort of turn red but d color of his shirt wouldnt change... else they all lukd perfectly blended.. absolutely same shade :D.( waise to m not d kind who notices so much... infact looks are one thing.. nah.. THE one thing dat i dont pay attention on when i meet or see sm1.. it jus hapens to be their gestures n behaviour... ) yea.. so all i mean to say is... it aint that i actuall noticed it.. its jus dat all of it was more than evident :) . .

A pleasing personality( a daddy like being :) very gud to be with.. u know d kind that u;d go... smiiiiileeee... :D ) n there he began... he jus spoke smthin.. n all dat much.. hold on.. sm1 callin me!!.... ya.. so bak.. heheh dat was fr for... for for fooorrrrrrrrrrrr CHOCOLATES!!!!!!! ya.. wil tell u bout d chocolates bit in a while.........

hmm so where was i.. ya.. he started speakin... nah.. wait.. lemme say smthin else before that.. wat i thot of d whole thing as i stepped into Coral.. its gonna be one of those dynamic meetings... well atleast d initiative seemd full of dynamism.... ya.. so he started speakin... n.... he stammered.. not once.. not twice.. it was so many many times.. rather it was more so.. dat it was very much a way dat he spoke.... i dunno.. that really dint startle me as such.. but yea... d kind of image i had about the whole thing... you know the "lessons" taught before u enter d corporate world.. dat u gotto be gud.. u gotto be reaLLY GOOD.. U u shud know how to talk, what to talk when to talk, u should know to write really well.. all that communication skill things..i jus had a flashbak sort... n here i was sitting in front of a man... complete in himself ... well versed in technical skills.. n hey.. jus imagine.. if such aperson(indian) would take d initiative to speak.. or rather to present smthin... leave alon in a different country.. may be rite here in india.. he;d be laughed at...... well. i mean.. i was jus wondering.. would wipro india... ok.. i'll say wipro manikonda ...send a person... n indian.. who'd stammer to represent wipro.. in Finland? .. well i dont think so... we here dont treat ppl dat way.. y? i dont know y... he mite have all his technical tactics rite.. but no.. he proabbly wudnt be sent.. cz he stammers.... see d difference... v really need to grow as humans.. u know.. to respect one for what he is ... is very important... very very important... jus to live a satisfactory life perhaps... a peaceful one rather.....

neways... movin on.. so he started speakin.. he went like ... may be we shud begin with n introduciton... n he introduced himself... n dat followed n intro sort of .. for d rest of d team.. but obvious i was d last one to speak.. coz i chose d perfect place :).. n i went like... I am Tasneem and have joined the CPI team just last week (i dont have to mention that i was smiling do i??? :D ) n he gave me a broad smile n said.. welcome to CPI.. n thennn.. he held this blak color bag.. n put it on d table.. n.. and andd.. from that... he removed.. a box of choclates.. then another one... and another one... n yea.. d last one after that.... n i could see my team gooo yooooooo... although they dint say it..... u know d .. mann mein laddu phoot rahe the kinda expressions( yea i cud make dat out!) .. well after that.. he moved towards another bag.. n from there.. he removed three more boxes of chocolates :) n said.. this is a gift from me to the cpi team offshore( dat happens to be us :) ) n the other boxes were a token of gift from.. umm well.. lemme get their names... ya.. Kiran and Girish.. d ppl onsite.. to d offsite team.. :) neways.. so its like.. chocolates.. finnish chocolates here on my table.. n my drawer.. waise hamari team kaafi badi hai .. tooooo.. end me.. utne zyade nahi mile.. magar kafi hain.. i ate umm 1 2 ... nai.. 4... m gonna take d rest home.. fr my sistrz n mummy.. n my baby Rehan :) ... i wanna share it wid my frnds too.. but they are'nt many.. n if i do.. then i cant take any home... n d reason iw anna take 'em home is.. ummm welll.. u know.. first joib.. first CLIENT meet.. first client gift sort.. jo bhi yaa.. bas wanna show mumma n baba.. :) .. n my sisters tooo.. will luv 'em na..

ya.. so after d chocolate part.. hey .. know wats goin on rite now... d ppl onsite sent us a mail askin how v likd choclates.. n these ppl are like.. radha has confiscated all of 'em./.. i dinno these ppl really had life in them yaa.. heheh..

ya.. so where was i...( i jus tuk a break to hav a choc... :D wo choc me na... caramelised mint tha n i dint expect it.. n whn i bit it... umm wo under ka.. mint hting started pouring out.. n its.. all over my fingrs now.. n i dont hav a tissue also... neva mind!!) haan.. jaane kyun log pyar karte hain.. jaane knyu wo kisi pe amrte hain..... hushhh!! chill.. jus lisnin to dat song yaaa..

hann.. so he went on wid d meeting.. i mean d formal presentation.. n d main agenda n stuff.. n all dat went on till.. umm well.... 1 or so... pyaar bin jeene me rakha kya hai.. pyar jisko nahi.. wo tanha haii.. ( SORRRYYY!!!! heheh)

haan.. n there d meetin wrapped up.. n we had to move for lunch... hmmmmm d lunch.. obviously.. first eva formal lunch of mine... blaa not dat i was wonderin wat to do.. but ya... v moved to d talent transformation blok.. i dnt remmba how exactly i reachd there.... i was jus followin sm1.. n v landed in a neatly arranged room.. n got seated.. mean while raste me .. ye baaki team waale na.. bohot maskharapana karre the.. u know.. thier umm well may b they call it masti... so i was like.. oho.. ye log bhi.. yea rrrite!! neways... v had dat lunch of ours.. it was fine.. bettr than cafeteria ka khana.. it ought to be waise.. warna koi client nahi aata tha yahan.. khair... d lunch went on for soo long.. i realised v wrapped up at 2.30.. itni der tak khaye i was wonderin....

so it all ended... n ... v moved bak... n on my way.. i spoke to one of my team members.. ( ya it was like fr d first time iw as talkin to sm1 casually n she seemd so much like us, nai to i thot ye log ki zindagi kaam me hi nikalti hai.. kahan phasa diya wo Bala ne mujhe.. )

bholi si soorat aankhon mein masti.. dur khadi sharmaaye.. aye hayee.. :D

chalo.. i'll wrap it up here.. before i type d whole song.. sawan ka pehla baadalll..............



hey i frgotttt... d mountain thin..... ya.. so its like.. every time v have a new proj.. i mean a new thing to do in d same proj.. umm well.. may b i shud say.. d new release of d tool dat is due.. d proposed plan is.. named after... a mountain.. ya.. its .llike... a new mountain to climb..... so.. this time d mountain;s name is... Annapurna.. n its gonna be in two increments.. well it usually is dat way.. v sort of have two increments goin every year sort.. hmm.. so.. dat wat dat Kanchenjunga thing i read about in d knowledge repository... n ya.. its like.. every alternate year its n Indian peak... so it was matterhorn proj this time.. which i earlier thot was smthin else.. but it was d name of a peak in Europe... so dats how CPI works.. n now.. v have plans fr Annapurna...


kab tak chup baithe... ab to kuch hai bolnaa.. :D :D

will not get bak again.. atleast for d dayyy :)

adios!

Pata nai...!!#$%^&*!#!!

pata nai, not much to put here.. has been a lonesome day although they;ve been ppl around, very much makin their presence felt, physically n virtually...

pata nai.. therz so much to nuthin .. n nuthin at all to d so much i;ve had fr d day... blaa jaanedo..

hey.. suno suno sunoooo absolutely borin day wid me n docs, n docs n docs.. m so thankful its d computer age.. else i cudnt imagine myself wid a huge stack of papers in frnt of me.. to review.. no.. not review... to.. umm well.. study... or may be evn skim thru for d rest of d week.. kya hoga mera.. i hope i survive this ennui( my fav word.. ahh i;ve used aftr suchhh a longggg time hehehe)

therz so much so much so muchh.. but therz nuthin nuthin nuthin.. lolz i know i cn mess it all up n neva make one undstand! blaaa.. watevaa..

byee

BoOoOoM!!!!!!

My goodness!!! i;ve gotto log dis event!!.. mite seem silly later( waise bhi wateva i put here seems silly to me whn i read it later )

i was too engrossed in these documents...had like many many many things to read bout n suddnly... BOOOOOOM!!!!!! yeaa!! i jus heard a booom.. a mini xplosion kind..i heard it frm like.. umm well seemd like it was a nice frm smwhere behind.. i jus stoppd n lukd bak.. i cud see thru d windo.. hoooooooo!!! it was SMOKEEE!!!! aila.. i thot kuch to hua.. n know wat came in my mind jus then.. ... sm days bak sm frnd of mine told me of sm bomb scare at infosys banglore... geee.. yahan bomb booommmmm ... thn i thot. nai.. may b smthin lesser than dat.. coz i saw jus a lil smoke.. n wasnt d only one startled.. evn umm wats dis fell's name.. wait.. yea.. Sesi Bhushan( jus turnd around to chk on his name plate :D) he kept lukin fr a minute too... n jus thn... i was still think.. ohhh i musttttt blog this.. heheh me such a a.. aaa.. ah wateva!! blaa..

as i finish this.. it jus seems to me.. dat was a lil xplosion those ppla t d other end of wipro( which is sort of in d makin) made to blow up sm huge rock or smthin.. blaaa.. bomb yea ritee heheeheheh.. stupidly wierd imagination!! :P

seems rubble all over.. haan yaaa... wahi tha i think.. blaaa!!!

hey.. chalo bye.. wil get bak again.. may b no today.. errr.. or may be i will get bak again today..

ciao!!



i told ya i;d b bak!!!! it was 3.15 then... n its 5.44 now... n hey.. ya.. i frgot... my alumni meeeeet! dat was such a nice experiance... not dat it was smthin thrillin or smthin extraordinary.... a regular.. typical MJ get together... but was special.. i met my pals after longggg... :) n i luvd it... v had lil talks .. reminicsed gud old days... ( old!! woo yea rrite!!!!) cudnt belive i was there again.. not as a student.. was there as n alumnus.. ahh i remmba pullin Nadeem Bhai's leg over dat.. n he had said.. aayega bhai.. aapka bhi number aayega.. tab dekhnege.... n on saturday.. iw as like.. ye lo.. aagaya wo din bhi..... same col.. jus wanted to move around.. luk around .. walk that path again.. but fariya d silly girl was late! i dunno Y she has to work on a saturday!!!! every weeek!! ooparse weekdays bhi til 8!! .. v played silly games.. n won cute prizes.. i got these realllyy cute lukin pen holders..hmm i;ll try describin thm... ummm.. one was a cube... with pink fluid kinda hting inside it.. n lil boats hangin around there.. with lotsa gliter.. colorful n sute.. the other one was a lil bigger... it was a hexagone sort... n purple colored fluid wid similar cute lukin boats floatin inside n lotsa gliter in dis one too.. m gonna get d pink one fr my desk tomorro :)

n heyyyy Kabul express yaaroooo.. i likd it.. it was guddd :) hatke frm d regulars umm it was jus nice.. n i wanted to see it.. n iwas glad i ended up seein it..

uumm well chalo.. 5.50, another 10 minz n me shooooo.... this Java 5 thing seems gud yaa.. two things i understood of it.. it seemd so programmer frndlyy ahh.. hv a lil more to catch up dat.. blaa.. wrk fr today was jus docs n docs n docs... n seems its gona b d same fr d rest of d week.. i aint sure if i shud rejoice.. cz seemingly.. this is d best.. rather d least wrk one gets to do here,,, so its like.. m spared for another weakk.. ....... ohhh am i?!?!!!!!

n hey!!! peach n white!!!! yeaaaaaa rrrrrrrrritE!!!!( m gonna reallly laugh readin this bit later.. if i actually remmba y i;ve rittn it)

signing offf! adios!!

Fridayz havent been this awaited earlier.. :D

Its jus a lil while bak that Fridayz have become the most awaited for me( there is one thing i feel ashamed of as i write about "waiting for a friday" now, nonetheless will not mention that reason here.... there are a few things iw ud neva wanna share wid anyone atleast at dis point of life..) ahh dat bracket was a fairly serious mood.. blaa... not required anymore!! eeee.. yea... so so so sooo well its a friday againn... a weekend ahead!!!!! chuttiiiiiiii!! mastiiii... funnnn ye wooo.. blaa bluuu.. heheh all those words can be defined by a one liner for me.. know wat dat is "being at home"... ahhh ghar ki baat nahi aati yaa kahin bhii heheh..

so a long weeknd.. i plan to sleeeeeeeeep!!!!!! zyada nai.. jus 8 baje tak... n agar baba kuch nai boleto.. toooo 10 baje tak.. aur agar fir bhi kuch nai boleeee... tooooo 11 baje tak.. heheh.. usse zyada merse nai hota!! loll

mmm cant wait... 5.40pm...... a purplish sky.. n i see d reflection of d street lite in d window of dat other side of wipro dats in d makin.. ahhh a call.. ek min.... haan.. so dat seemd pretty nice..

blaaaa neva mind.. kya mujhe pyaar haiii yeaaaaaaaaa.. kaisa qumaar haiii yeaaa... arre.. jus a song m lisnin to rite noww...

chal.. bye fr now.. itssss FRIDAYYYYY yipppyyyy!!!

ta taaaaaa

blaa d bluuu d bleee.. arre jo bhi yaaa!! ;)

Hmm, now thats swift motion indeed, seems elegant...like a bird.......... absolutely clear sky, not a dot to give it a messy look.... oh no.. ya therz this yello big huge... umm i dunno wat they call it.. smthin used fr construction... crane hota haina... uska dad lagra raha hai.. nah.. grandpa i think...

yea.. bak to dat swift elegant blaa blaa motion.. was talkin of a plane dat i see frm here.. my new cubicle T4/T/C120. yup dats tower 4, 3rd floor. n there are these huge windows rite in frnt dat gimme a pleasant view..well.. of.... ummmm d other side of wipro-mkd n a clear sky... i think it was n indian airlines flite.. ya fir air india ki thi hogi... well cud make out it was one of d two.. jus dat i aint sure coz my gk aint all dat gud...

neways.... i jus saw it move in d sky n it sort of caught my attention for those two seconds after whihc i saw it dissappear(chala gaya yaar aage... plane hai... jaldi hi move hoga na!! )
ya.. so... it wasnt dat i saw an airplane fr d first time.. but ya.. i sure saw it fr d first time frm dis new place of mine... thru these windows.. n it jus reminded meof da....... WTC incident... yea.. 9/11

kaise laga hoga unlogon ko.. d ppl on dat floor... where d plane hit... they cud see it cm towards them thru such huge windows.. where they wer wrkin... in d wee hours of mornin... this one thing reminded me of those tv grabs i saw.... it seemd so similar... wahi cubes sorta structure... those flipping curtains.... n these windows n stuff.... jus dat d plane wasnt as close as it was then.. but obvious!!

ahaan .. yelo.. n obstruction to my view.... oh ok.. therz a balcony sorts here.. dats wat.. i was wondering how'd this guy turn up here wid his cup of cofee n d fone...

neways....... today... Tasneemz frame of mind( i hate talkin of myself like dat.. i mean.. u know.. Tasneem talkin of herself n always sayin Tasneem this Tasneem dat... ahh u dont get it do u.. wait.. i;ll xplain.... its like.. suppose I keep using "Tasneem" when i can actually use " my, me, mine" so may b if i;d wanna say.. "dat buk belongs to me... i;d say... dat buk belongs to Tasneem.. hmm ya... talkin of urself in the third person sense... its like givin urself dat utmost monarchy n majestic sort of importance.. blaaaa! yea rrite... it sounds tacky.. n is like throwin attitudee!!!!! n dats one thing dat DOES NOT define me...yea now get bak to readin at what was before this brcket started!!).. is so different frm wat it was yesterday... u neva know yaa..
hey... wil be right bak wid a cup of cofee.. really feel like havin one... hold on.. will be back..!

geeeee.... m bakk!!! mmmm my cup of cocktail was yummy today... oh cocktail... well its.. umm my secret formula of... a yummy cup of cofee ka chota bhai.. heheh.. wateva u get outta dat!

blaaa neva mind....

yup.... so wat i was yesterday n wat i am today.. wat a difference voila... totally disturbed n lost n upset n messed wid my emotions n moods.. ahh confused, yea dats d rite word( yup those who know bout it would say.. SILLY GIRL!!!!) n today... relaxed... feelin gud...
yesterday i got up wid a thot .. a wish... dat "today(meaning yesterday) finishes realllyy fast" n it actually did... but d difference was... how i came to office n how i went bak home.... my journey to office was like..?!!!!!#???$%#*&^!! n my journey bak home was ------------- now u get it dont u... ! a spectacular site.. very pleasing .. smthin like a full moon.. nah.. not smthin like it.. i think it was a full moon( i say i think cz may be it was jus a lillllll less dan d full moon) neways.. it was beautiful... dark sky.. n a yellowish moon.. smilin at me.. ahh.. how pleasin is dat now!!

its so unbelievable to think dat such things really happen.. u r in such a chaotic frame of mind in d beginning of d day.. n may b by d end of it.. its like.. u've never felt so much at ease, so much in peace before... n its all so gud to think of... perhaps these lil tensions( luk at me... m such a brat.. yesterday it was like a pahaaad(mountain) of troubles n now dat it aint dat way anemore, m callin it.. "lil tensions" heheh m sooooo human :p hehehheh ) are worth it... u know may b.. jus to taste dat peace... dat ease... one can risk these situations( m sure i wudnt agree to this next time whn i feel smthin similar :D...)

hmm well dats bout it fr now i guess.... i;ve got a couple of things to do fr d day... i hope i get its all done on time.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmm! wrappin it up here...!!

adios!!!

pal mein zindagi badal jaati hai..

wat do u call this now?......... i call it "testing my patience" .. n yes.. today i've decided to test it... this is d fourth time m typin all this down.... n i hav d content clearly cut in my mind.... some wierd problem n d sys hangs up whn m at d end of d post wid d thot dat " no its not gona hang up this time" but it again did... n no.. m still not frustrated... i dont know y... i jus know dat i am not... here goes... dats how i had begun this post of mine.. n m gona start off again.. jus d same way..

" m not sure if i thud b happy or sad... or i;d rather say... m not sure if m feelin gud or bad ( yupp therz loads of diffrence between d two for me!! ) i dunno y this happend.. n i dunno if it shud have... all i know.. is... i dnt know.... ( hey i realise my state of confusion is jus as much as it was when i was typing this post fr d first time) m not sure if m upset... well i think i am... but i dnt hav a gud reason i know....

Bala( my managerz(Satish) manager) walked up to my desk yesterday n said.. Tasneem lets have a talk n led me to his room.. n there he discloses... Tasneem.. the Erricson account has requirement, they want resource n u'll get a lot to learn there... i jus lookd on... as he kept sayin wat n y n all dat... n at d end of it.. i gave him the " hey!! do u know wat ur sayin?? Y ME?? " kinda look... njus smiled... n he arranged a conference call n i spkoe to my new manager.. n we had a meting sort n... well now m a part of n ERRICSON project... ahh i dunno wat...

i kno wat happens happens for gud.. m so sure m gona get to learn m gona get to grow m gona have a nice time workin there... its big... but i dunno.. therez smthin else too.. n m not sure wat dat smthin else is..... i know its happend for gud.. but y suddenly.. y me... y ... ahh pata nai...

its jus that... umm well... I DONT KNOW WAT!!!! yea.. dats wat... m so confused.. i dunno wt to feel.. everyone else is like.... Erricsonn!! oh gudd!!! but Avaya bhi accha tha.. dats wat i feel... now its gona be new project, new team, new place( yea i gotto move to a diffrent tower) new ppl... n its gona be fine... but... hey i dint expect things to change so sooon.. i had jus settled.. it took me a whole month n m askd to do it all over again.. ahh! yea.. i think dats wats bothering me....

i dinno i was like this... i thot i was quite comfortable wid change.... i neva realised... dat i dont possess dat (umm wat do i call it now.. ) thing(WATEVVVA!!!) to adapt to change... its been so simple to listen to dat.. "change is the only thing dats constant in life" phrase, now lukin at it... i feel.. OOOOOOOO IS IT?????

LIFE always does wats best for life... i;ve always belived in dat.. n i still do... i dint expect such a change.. but i know its good... its gona be nice... m so damn sure bout all d gudies related to it.. but smthin stil priks, i dunno wat! but hey... like i said.... life does wats best for life... n perhaps i needed this change on the first day of 2007 (2nd Jan) in my office. nuthin rong has happend in my life since 21 years yaaa ( nowww.. m not trying to say ki ye bura hua, m sure accha hua.. jus dat.. ye time pe hua... dats takin me a lil time..) to fir ab kuch kaise ho sakta hai.... everythin has always come so effortlessly to me since the very beginning... i dont know y my Lord has been so Merciful especially to me ( i really do sumbit dat He is the Most Merciful), n this perhaps is smthin dat had to happen smthin dats gona bring sooooooooo mcuh gud for me.... ... "

waise aur bhi bohot kuch hua kal... Mal bhai n Naseer bhai came to meet me :) ...

neways.. wil wrap it up here.. before this creates any other problem nw.... i jus hope TODAY finishes very quickly.. u know.. like they say... in a wink of the eye... yea.. dat quickly...

ROGER DAT!!!! :D

heyy.. me jus learnt a new word.. "roger" .. pehle i thot.. it was used galti se... wo hojati na kabhi.. galti se mistak... dat kinda stuf.. but thn.. i thot.. lemme chk ... n dictionary.com says... roger meanss... ok... alrite... ummm.. message recieved n understood.... cute word naa??? :D i like it!! may b i;ll use it more often now :).. its supposedly used as.. "roger dat" umm dats how i came across it .. me likeeesss it !! roger dat now! hehehe
hey.. chk dis out...

aankhen teri hai kitni haseen, ke inka aashiq mein bangaya hun.. mujhko basaale inme tu....

IShq hai... maula mere.......... mm.. mm... mm.. ......................

ke inka aashiq, mein bangaya hun, mujhko basaale inme tu...

Mujhse ye har ghadi mera dil kahe.... tum hi ho uski aarzoo... mujhse ye har ghadi mere lab kahen... teri hi ho sab guftugu...

baatein teri... itni haseen... mein yaad inko... jab karta hun.. phoolon si aaye khushboo

Rakhlun chupaake mein kahin tujhko.... saaya bhi tera na mein dun...... rakhlun banaake kahin ghar mein tujhe... saath tere mein hi rahun... zulfen teri... itni ghanii.... dekhke inko... ye sonchta hun... saaye me inke mein jiyun.....

IShq hai.... maula mere... mm.... mm............. mm......

Zabardast song yaaa.. m luvin ittt...

ummmmmm bas hogya aj ke liye...

aacchiii cough acchhuu!!#$%& (kya karun title pe clik karte hi it started)

its probably my 100th time for d day... its so cold in here... n i cant stop sneezing... too many tissue papers wasted.. i hope my dust bin is cleared by tomorro morning.. there i cough again!!!

i'v tried chekin it n various places.. how cn one restict n email's domain name? or d host name yaa? d max validation definitely cn go beyond chkin for a "." and a "@" but hey.. i did a lot more than that... agree much more cn be done... but dat wud b too much fr too little.. dats wt i thot.. umm dat reminds me.. i happnd to read a line this morning that said " nuthin is too little for us" umm dats purely in d s/w engg. sense... i kno its not understandable.. effort isnt required there waise bhi!!!

i've got a story to tell... here goes...

2 frnds... gud pals... gr8 buddies... onez in luv wid d other... d other isnt for it.... ab movie ki story line kaise aage badegi? .. read a 2 line story dat begins n ends like dat? well.. mere sath rahoge to bahot kuch padne ko milega...
haan... saw it d other day..

i kno wt m feelin whn m ritin all dis..

u think ... aaaaachi.... aaaaachu! ok.. dat was two sneezes again! ahhh.. pissd off to d xtnt dat i wanna dispose my nose!!!

haan now i continue from.. "u think" ( i was talkin of smthin there, oopar ki line me) han.. so u think .. nah.. me thinks... its silly... to.. umm well... my ring luks gud... n its 5.52pm... dotn wonder wt m riting bout.. i know sm day m gona read dis n keep thinkin.. "hell!! wat was i upto!" neways... its really is gud readin ur musings after long.. i did dat last week n i njoyd it.. rote really well in sm posts (:D) nah.. its jus dat.. cud relate to it.. cz it was direct dil se.. but smtimes... u cnt put everythin dats in ur heart out na..

5.54... another 6 minutes n m off... m gona tell Satish bout Ashwini.. n i dunno wat m gona do bout dis email validation( mine wrks pretty wellllll) cough cough coughh,... sniff... sniff..! damn... i'll fill dis page wid achchi acchu sniff n cough i think...

m shiverin... definitly gona be down wid fever tonite... my nose i alllll red .. eeeeks.. 5.56

aj ka dinnnnn... ahhh... bura tha.. nai.. din bura nahi tha.. mein buri hun.... :( i kno y m sayin it. .

5.57 it wud take me 2 minutes to pack n wear my burqa na... so...

ta d ta... n bye d byez.... n m still thinkin w m gona name this one..

Xanga-post2 and post3

Friday, December 15, 2006
aftr lunch!#!%&*
okkk .. m bak frm lunch... n dont think i like this template very much... n jus tryin to figure out.. how i shud change it.. well ... wanted to take the 2 o clok shuttle.. but ahh jaanedo.. hey hey heyyy pause here.. hav n urgent mail to finish...
willllllllllll b bakk!!
have visitorzzzz( the Anilzzzz THe Keetssss)

bye the byezzz
signingggg offf








Tuesday, December 19, 2006
figuring out...
hey... dis aint very gud yaa... i was trying to edit my earlier post.. m not sure how to.. God knowz how long its gona take me to get accustomed to tihs new envi.. i mean.. Xanga... hey i like d name though Xanga... sounds gud... but it all dznt luk dat gud... i want a more sober luk yaa... n trying to figure out how to.. but in vain!
newayss... hey.. bhaiz shaadi was gr8!! had a nice time.... all diffrnt culture n stuff.. uparse "din ki shadi" it was like.. wooo hooooo.... njoyed... n m tiredd!!! very very tired! totally exhausted, jaded, wagged n exhasperated n enervated n drowsy n droopy n ... lollzz.. i guess i'll stop thre.. hehehhe
ahh me outta d mood to rite fr now... wil get bak again...

Xanga-post1

Lemme begin by sayin y i sort of changed my domain.. well simple reason.. silly one though!! Wipro dznt allow me to blog on blogger anymore... dont ask me y... m still wonderin y.. coz i had sort of becm a frequent blogger since a ... umm well.. a lil while... n blogspot wasnt blocked until.. yesterday!!! :(
newyz.. since.. this thing called... XANGA has cm to my rescue.. lemme test it fr now....
the wierd site name (yeayea... tasneem_blogging_from_office) i know its wierd.. is to b... ummm direct .. to d point.. ahhh well watva yaa... jus cudnt think of a bettr name... n was piisd off bout not bein able to use my earlier blogger... ahh well... me gona use this one tomoro onwards i guess.. ahh noooo.. not tomoro.. cz tomoro is weeeeeknnnddd... n me goin to.. to .. to .. tooo... Sholapur... its my bhaiz weddin yaaa.... will b bak.. after lunch... hold onnnn!XangaType your first post here, then click "Submit" to publish it to your Xanga Site Or you can come back anytime to write a weblog post later!

wat do u call this now!!!

yaiiikkzz!!!! me n dance!!! my PM's lost it!!!! i've been so clear.. damn i told him i wudnt.. i told him a million timezzzzzz... i helpd him find another person he cud nominate.. magar nahi... he put my name there!!! NO WAY m i gonna dance... the helllll!!!!!!!!!!!!

blaa ok wateva... i walkin after a gud lunch... n herz how he greets me.. wid a broadddd smile.. "hey tasneem u;ve got a nice mail, chk it out" n i go like.. o oooo...

neways... no point.. thinkin of it.. mnot gona do it waise bhi...

ahh.. m disturbd... js recvd a mail(nuthin to do wid nach baliye)... dnt wana rite bout it...

will wrap i up here..

m bakkkkkk n m luvin it ..pa parappup paa..

woo hoo.. i really wanna say lines.. like.. my joy knowz no bounds.. me sooo happy!!!.. i feel... ecstatic... gratified, gleeful me flyin highhh, m absloutely elated n feel exultantt, excited, glad, n jubilant to d core!!!!!

geee.. all dat was..." coz m bak to bloggin" hehe.. silly? nah.. nt fr me.. cz past few days... iw asnt able to blog.. cz bloger wz blocked.. fr... umm welll god knows wat reasonss!!! newayss... who cares where the waterz fallin frm when its raining?? (ehhh!!! lolzzz dz dat line make any damn sense?? hehehe) me luvin it...

i tried a new blog environment.. n dint like.. was jus bloggin thr... par yahan ki baat nahi aai yaaa.... n finally.. thot i;d try it again.. one last time.. n voila!!!! logging in!!!! n here i amm!!!

hey.. i think i'll paste those two or more posts i put there... well dat place is called... Xang. gud name naa !! ...

dats fr now... will put on those other posts frm Xang soon!

adios!! :P

i dont eva wanna name this

smtimes u jus feel bad... mayb for nuthing... but that nuthing seemz such a big thing to u dat time.... it jus simply is dat way... n its not nice ... feelin alone in crowd.. is sucha heavy line... feelin alone in a crowd thats gud to u is all the more bad.... its always dat u have to move on... jus go ahead... n keep goin... no stop.. no luking bak... its like ppl come .. n ppl go.. smtimes they walk wid u a while... n they suddnly leave.. smtimes things happen that make them leave... smtimes they are there n still not there.... m not sure wat m sayin.. but m sure m feelin bad.. n m sad.... n m hurt... its too silly a reason.. i sure wil laugh at myself later i know... but dat dznt make it any lighter for me.... i still feel the same...

i feel like n aliennn!!!

ahhh.. i know it aint very gud to blog only whn ur totally frustrated n hate everything n everyone around ya.. but i dunno y.. i really cant help it!! its like i burst it all out rite here.. n u know after controlling loads m here again.. i duntt like this one one one oneee bit!!!

it takes me around 100 rs. to reach my office at manikonda from home.. it hot.. i;d take up d suggestion a frnd of mine had given me earlier.. n cm to a newar my office n then take n inter office shuttle dat wud drop me .. on time... well it was ok.. fine planned.. i left home early enuf.... slept well after a very hectic party at home last nite... but thn... damn i dint know where this office was... the other bulding i mean.. reachd it... smhow!! damn i hate d way i actually landed here.. it was sooooo eeeeeeeeeks! wateva!!!... n m here now.. thot i;d take d shuttle.. but missed it!! HELL!!! i hate it soo much.. n theresz no one i know here either.. i feel like n aliennn!!! blaa.. wateva...

found d way to d library here... managed ot get a system.. n m stuk here.. dint wana blog.. cz my mood aint all dat gud... but thn... a\i did finaly.. may b i ccan catch the next shuttle!! ohhh howe much i hate dis i hate dis i hate dis.. m on dis sys since very long.... n i like it.. m so glad i hav a sys atleaast.. but there jus 4 in here.... n i feel everyonez waiitttnnnn fr me to let go dis one!! puhhleaseeee lemme be until a few more mins.. i'll head strait to my office frm here.. .... balaa blaaaa blaaaaaaaa!!
i dnt like this.. i dont i dont i dontt!! n i can rite dat.. a million times here now.. i;ve typed long mails to pals.. chkd all my mails n stuff... everythin done.. hell jus waitin fr it to me.... ateast 1.45 jaldi se yaaa!!!!!!
time dznt pass whn it shud

well.. lets see now... i think i must move.. it aint gud.. infact its very very bad... to be hangin around at a place ur not onee bit comfortable

me leavinnn
bye d byezzz

my day...

too much to put down here today.... its liek a storm risin in n i gotto put everythin in place.. i mean.. i got to bring out everything in suhc a way dat it all seems in place... umm well.. m wonderin... it was like.... okkkk lemme start again... i'll say it well this time...
hmm ok...

nah.. lemme first say how i thot it would be... thn i'll cm to d real picture... yup... here goes..

THE BOARD ROOM MEET!!!

i walked out at d rite time.. so i;d be at the room i was required to be.... thankfully wasnt late.. jus went in... n a couple of ppl followed me.. n i i was following few too...
ooopss sorry... i was suppose to say how i thot it would be

ahh here goes again.... 1..... 2......................... 3

i already knew the room v wer suppose to go to.. n so was aware of the ambience... the point was.. the focus of talk... it wud b formal... to d point... technology specific.. project specific... v hav this to do.. n this much time for this.. owr client wants this... n this is how v plan to achieve it... so lets all work hard.. n do owr best... bingo!! dats wat iw as expectin....

now... THE REAL PICTURE!!!!

the ambience was same... d ppl who joined us... i mean.. "my team" ws a mix of a gud range of ages..... Satich began wid.. this is Tasneem.. and that is Ashwini... n v went on.... he spopke of 'avaya' .. US client... Europe client... US lotsa work.. Europe not very happy... he went on.. technologies... WLP,WLI, DW, PL/SQL( thank God i knew atelast bout this one!!) netviewr( m not sure bout this one.. wat he rote there was very tiny..) .. neways.... before this.. everyone introduced thmslevz to us... later, a person( seemd a lil older dan the rest ) complained.. you ppl shud give us your intro first n thn v wud.. butit was vice versa over here... n to this.. Satish reacted... ahan.. now this is called raggin.. n there was a roar of laughter in d room... it seemd to him(satish) dat one of us was sleepy... he asked if he reallyw as.. n again.. "hehehehe"(dats roar of laughter in d room again!!) n m still confused.... he went on... sowjanya...a team member.. she had lots to ask.... but there was a lot of tlak on learning... i sort of got a picture... " oh so is it like there isnt a proj wid us now n so v r all into learning" (imagine... one of thm evn suggested for a training wid talent transformation.. n i was like... ahhh not againnn trainingg!!!) neways... i went on to ask d same question dat i had in mind.. but satish promptly clarified.. dat v hv lotsa work.. n for dat v must learn... n i went like.. i cccccc........ pause!!!!! heyyy its 6 alreadyyyyyy not fair.. i stil have lots to rite in here....

n i have this mail thing still on my mind... temme yaa.. wats rong in riting "the three of us" ? i dunno.. it seemd rong to sm senior person here.. ahh wateva...
cut cut cutt... hav to cut this short
very short...
ahhhhh
okkk.. m not gud at wrkin under pressure... i eman.. well.. not gud at blogging under pressure atleast... n if i miss my busssssss.. then toooo mein to gai!!! kithe??? heheh pata nai...
lol wil wrap it up here....
i really dint realise how fast my day went past today....

hey one more thing... i'v mentor assigned now!!!
ahh theek hai yaa baaki baadme

signing offfffff in a hurry!!

m gona give this a title... sm other time!!

m addin this line in th end.. i mean after i;v typed all dat thing down there.. but want it to be read sab se pehle!--- i know m kinda shabby whn posting .. but.. kya hai yaa.. meri space hainaa!!!
yupp now go ahead!!! read onnn.....



lemme begin.. with a lil xplanation bout the wierd title i'v put in.. its jus dat m lukin fr a word synonymous to ennui... n dont wanna use "overwhelmed by ennui" again... coz i really cant relate to dat kinda boredome n this one now... ahh well... u get d point dont u... well i guess i do.. so.. wateva!!!!!

i;v been makin a million calls since mornin... i dont wanna make it messy here.. wid all my frustration out rite ther on my cute lil space.. but since its meant for.. wat i really am.. n i pour out literally everything rite here... may b , i shud do it... m jus tryin to say!! YEA I WNNA YELL!!!!! n SHOUT TOO!!! arre hadd hogai yaaa!! bohot hogya abhi.. its like.. been so many days.. a whole damn week! n i dont ... hav a PC.. well i do... but it aint configured.. n it takes me ages fr dat!!! n where m i!!! now i dont wanna hilite that here.. integrity issues u c... ahh.. m gud at timez......

gr8!! wat cud b worse... my calls arent bein answerd either now... m not sure.. is dis gud.. i mean.. u know the kinda place i am in.. n this kind of behaviour.. i dont wanna give it terms.. but u really can call it anything from scaling from irresponsible to absoluetly casual... may be ... even... ahhh... i cn cm up wid d most ridiculous of adjectives here.. but dont wanna describe smthin thats mine.. (ahh well wateva!!!) in dose words yaa... m so damn pissed off.. i really really am.. n dat fella is had it frm me today.. uski to hai aaj!!!!!!

hmm frustration levels fluctuate too??!?##$?$%?.. n they go up n down really well.. hehe atleast mine... m sorta feelin better abhi... not that i got my thingss done.... but wat i jus said.... " dat guy is had it frm me today" i think i'll spare him... seems like my work is gona be done... nonethelss.. things change in a jiffy... moods change in a jiffy too..... i jus read this cute lil thing in ashwiniz mail box... wil jus paste it here so may b i can reminisce it later.. ahh well smday whn i get bak to readin this post perhaps... hmm here goes...

"A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheatfield and choose the biggest wheat and come back.But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn backto pick."The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat,but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even biggerone waiting for him.Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts torealise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, heknew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teachertold him, "...this is love... you keep looking for better ones, butwhen later you realise, you have already missed the person "

well found it cute... so put it there... ahh.. dats bout it i guess.. will probably get bak a gain in a while... n wil be quite frequent in bloggin now onwards i gues... well .. no prizes fr guessing Y?? heheh.....

ciao fr now!

excerpt--"from office"

Hmm.. before i begin with my "today's" ... here goes... my ummm well... "someday..."

it really has been long since i;v blogged... n at this moment.. i really realllyyy want to :(.. well now dat dznt mean i;v e got good content to post.. jus dat m on a riting spree... typing spree rather... n so.. neways.... me at OfFiCe :D ... yup... i posted last.. whn i was at the frp training there in dat insititute.... n now.. m at.. well.. yupp.. the actualy.. office like thing :P... its wierd people muse bout their life's.. their daily insights.... n whats more wierd is.... dat i very much fall into the wierd category... blaaaa !! hehe.. so.. me... in a totally relaxed state of mind.. ( yea rrrrite!!! i;ve got to clear a PRP test!! n i know nuthin of it!!! ) wateva.... !

ya.. so like i said.. me at wrk.. .. not bored... its beautiful outside... drizzling.. now n then... the lawns seems greener.. the flowers luk more yelloe pink red.... the sky seems like.. umm well.. grey.. kabhi blue... kabhi white... actually na.. i think.. wo bhi confused hai :P

neways.. yaaaaa!! manasa!!! shez here... rite beside me... wonderin .. how i type so fast.... the silly gal .. dznt know... dat m super slow.. whn m typin stuff thats meaningful... heeheh.... ahhh.. now.. m not terming this "crap" :P

m gonna paste this.. jussssssssss like that!!! i missed n icecream!!! the worlds badd!!! n anil is very very very bad!!!!!!!! n u know wats worst?!?!? the infy-pune staf!!! yuckkkkkk!!!

well.. dats all fr now... me gona post this rite there.. wheneva i get d time.... but wil timestamp it rite here... .. cz i know.. m gona reminisce even these wierd musings.. hmm here goes... 3rd November '2006 . 2.41pm .... CARNATION.. WIPRO TECHNOLOGIES .. manikonda! :P

signing offf..
fr longggggggggg!



Tasneem Begum
Project Engineer
WT01 - Technology,Media,Transportation&Services
Wipro Technologies
Manikonda, Hyderabad

P.S : i dont wanna post a new one... jus wanted to insert here.... " i cleared PRP!!!!! yippyyyyy :)"

i like it here.. :)

ahaan.. m duin it finally... i'v always wanted to post frm office... :D lollzz.. yup office!!!

hmm since its been longer than usual( i always say dat, dont i :D) i jus wanna log dat, i like it here... its like havin fun.. n bein paid... yup atleast fr these three weeks (its d third week now!!!).. i;v made frnds.. n hav many of 'em... gud ones :) .. oh yea!!

work isnt like work.. but sure is gona be like it.. very soon ... after monday assessment.. may b things wil change.. not very much... may b jus a lil... dats cz i'd actually b duin smthin then perhaps :P.... lollz not dat i aint duin anythin now!! wooo.. m talkin crap.. "hic!!" heheh.. kno wat dat hic is?? its.. a hiccup after bein drunkk! a frnd here keeps duin dat.... hehehe.. nope .. m not drunk....

well well well.. d bottom line.... lifez gud... n m really likin it :) n m glad m duin wat m duin.. and m glad.. to b where i am today :)

dats it fr now!! jus wantd to post frm here!! lollzz!!

september 2002- september 2006

oh yes... this month has quite some significance now.... it was year 2002, september 2nd.... i had ventured into MJCET ( yes that is my college's name.. ) really excited, full of life... thoughts to live it all in happiness, in joy, with excitement and fun, n yes... i'v had it all.. MJCET did not dissappoint me one bit.... but that time.. entering that gate.. i did not think... that four years later i would walk out of that gate for good.. and i'd be carrying from it something that would leave me into another organisation... to begin with a new journey... pretty much at the same time.. yes.. that was 2002, and now.. it is 2006... and tomorrow.. is september 1st, a new beginning.... i just hope its as good or may be better than how things have been so far... i have too many thoughts regarding it.. with hopes that it all fits in really well... i shall wrap this one here...

smtimes.. smthings.. jus happen...

i hate this .. i hate this i hate this!! i jus rote down d wholeeeeeeeeee thing! da whole thing.. n .. nnn... my system restarted :(
neways... i'll try puttin it again... hmm yea.. smthings jsu happen.. they jus do.... ur on ur bed.. oops.. nai.. i m on my bed... wid a splitting headache... a bad one.. n ur fone rings... nahh.. MY fone rings... hmm n smone asks.... Rajneesh hai?... n there started a silly saga.... read on....
kaun rajneesh... ye rong no. hai.. n i wz jus bout to disconnect.. whn d other voice like.. went.. aise kaise nahi hai.. mere workshop pe aake deke gaye ye no.... ahhh.. there another screwing call.... i asked.. kahanse bolre bhai sahab... Lucknow se... i said.. ye hyderbad ka no. hai... and boom!! thereee... dat fella;s xcitemnt levels jus rose.. high.. hig.. n high... he went like... kyaa? ye sania mirza ka sheher haiiii! hehehe now there i jus started laughing.. n he went on n on bout saia mirza... adn hyderabad.. and.. hyderabad;s links wid lucknow... in da light of history ofcourse..he knew quite sm stuff.. hehe.. now i wz still laughing.. cz he knew.. n i knew.. dat we dint know each other n he jus went on n on.... next.. he told he was a writer..... he rites biographies.. hindi acchi thi.. shudh wali.. he talkd of his work.... thn he was like,,, mein bhejunga aapko apni kitaben... zauru courier karunga... i was still giggling... it seemd soooooo wierd... i cudnt belive sm1 calld all d way frm lucknow.. a rong no. n he went on n on... talkin... heheh.. it was gud though... da fone disconnected three times amidst da conversation... he dint hesitate to call again... jus to say... incase i visit lucknow or nainital... or anywhewre in da north.. i shud let him know.. n dat he wud take care of my stay there... wooo... i shall remember this... always.. hehehe.. hota hai kabhi kabhi..

hey.. dats bout it..
:) ta ta

watevaa...!

well its like smtimes u'v got loads to put it rite down.. n at times... therez nuthin at all... yea m bak to my silly messing up of spellings.. i dnt wana b a goody goody riter.. not fr today atleast... y? ... well cz m ritin in here aftr..longg longg longgggggg.. n dis time.. is... well.. one of those whn i see nuthin to put down.. but jus yestrday it was da ti had lots n lots.. blaaa... n theree goess..!! yea.. d net connection;z messing up again... n dat means... ahh i gotto keep dis fr publishing.. another time...

hmm nuthin much atually.. jus a trip to col.. fr stuff... paper wrk.. tc bonafide n stuff to b precise... hey.. i feel m ritin fr d heck of it rite now!! yeaa!! truee... jus dat... fr d heck of it... mummmmyyyyyy!!!!!

ahh there it cmz again...wat?? arre yaaa.. d cnnection playin hide n seek... so.. i cn publish it now itself.... hmm.. nah... i dnt wana rite anymore... ummm.. imean... anythin elsee...

sooooooo

soooooo

soooo

sooo

soo

so

ciao!!

Wierd Fascinations...

What could be fascinating about huge fat and round hairy creatures, jjumping around, playing around, doing things you cant figure out.. Rehan still loves watching them :) they are in wierd colours n move thir mouth in sucha funny manner..... hey.. even the busses n cars have huge eyes and they talk really well and about good things, but in the end..its all so rejuventaing to watch those dumb n silly things.. jumping around... laughing over things that otherwise dont seem like jokes... they'v got colorful strands on their heads that move in a rythm as they talk... n those eyes jus batter so cutely ..... but still... what is it that keeps those little eyes glued to the television n has all the attention of that tiny brain.. ahhhhh nonetheless........... entertaining to the core...

thats the CaRtOoN world. . . . .

innocent victim...

He is as small as my adorable nephew, those small hands with plasters around them... tiny legs that were swollen up, one of them was plastered... holding his nipple in his plastered hand.. and bearing the pain of his bandaged chest, that little baby opening his wide eyes as the camera flashed to take a photo of his and here i saw it in the newspaper... wasnt his fault.. but he was still a victim of the israeli airstrike in lebonon... and what was worse was that he was not the only one.. that picture was taken in the general ward of a paediatric hospital i guess( m assuming since there little kids everywhere)
clik on da title.."innocent victims".... its jus a peek into the sickening atrocities...

Too much for just a little..

it aint all dat bad u kno.. oops.. jus a min... it isnt all that bad you know( refer my previous post to know why i put that oops there)

anyways... when u happen to see a video that reminds you how unpredictable life is.. and how unexpected death can be and when u just pass it on and then get a reply from a sister who has recently lost her brother.. telling you how important that message was for her.. wudnt say it gives me a shiver.. jus that it made me sit up n look at things again...

well just as the phone bell rang and i picked a just another call.. i dint realise it would distrub me to the extent i would'nt think of.. not from someone i did not expect, aneways.. the content of talk was rather disturbing, and after that i had a longer talk on the same issue.. oh well it was just about me venturing into something taht would keep me busy and active, perhaps my lithargic lifestyle started reflecting on my.... ahh.. pata nahii (i dont know ).. it just seemd like it was too much i had taken for too little.. but it was only after that i was relieved of it.. that i did realise.. that it was too little..

a disturbed mind, (well there was something else going on pehle se hi) and now this one seemd like placing me on a crossroad wid no direction boards!! anyways... when u are relieved of something instantly.. you just realise that His power empowers everything else, i can only acknowledge submissively..

well thats about it for now...

jus a scribble after long

know what know what know what??!!@@##$$?!?! i wz ranked third in college.. with 83% and da convocation was such a memorable event with mum n baba accompanying me to it.. hmm black robe and the hat.. wasnt expecting it, not in my college atleast.. but was a great feeling, absolutely delighting n ecstatic.

sad picture there, with those mumbai blasts... it looked aweful on tv yesterday, ok now.. i am trying to cleanse my writing skills and am going to read this entire thing again before i actually post it to check i dnt hav any half words n silly scraps here and there.. so inshAllah from now on an and would be an and, and not an "n", and a would would be a would and not a wud, and simialr would be a be, i mean.. it will not be a b.

heheh good phrasing there...signing off for now :)

da futball gods lost!!!!

ennuii???@!?@? nahh.. wid a million mournin brazil's loss n probably a few thousands feelin beckham's pain, ennui is one thing dat fortunately hasnt hit me .. ummm fr today atleast.. hehe.. relieving definitely.... hey.. graduating to become n engg. (oh yea.. i am one now!!! yuhuuu) aint all dat tufff et al... umm was suppose to be feelin smthin dat wud be enthralling... but it dawned only on realisation... oh yea.. frm a couple of close ppl heheh ... well da black robe wid dat blak wierd hat n stuff wud b a diffrnt feelin altogethr... but convocation at owr col.. is alll white.. n borinn....
ahh.. i started wid no ennui ( ahh i like dis wrd yaa.. i wish it had a better meaning to it )
n see m down wid it now... wil scribble in sm other timee...

ciaoo

lingo n buks.. err buk crossers

well.. 11 supposedly is a long time.. i;d clear dat.. it aint suppsedly.. it actually is.. if ur still wnderin m jus refering to da fact dat m scribblin in here after a longer time than i m supoose to... hmm having said dat.... wat i see creepin in my mind dis moment isnt.............. dash dash dashh
orkuttin sure is funn yaa.. hey.. wats hot dis season umm i;'ll tell ya... a hip lingo.. yeaaa... i jus goto kno.. as i was tryin to figure outt wat peeps means... well its short fr people.. hehehe.. she rox my sox... meaninn shezz cooll.. hey.. u know.. usin cool is passe!! yea.. ur lukd wid n eyebrow up whn u say.. hey ur cool... wooww.. dis sure is gud to read n rite bout.. specially at da moment whn i was thinkin of mending my riting habitss hehehe ... hmm figurin out.. imao.. yea.. smthin called imao.. lingo yaa.. dats on campus these days.. goto update regularly i guess.. woo generations leapin veryyyyyyyyyy forwarddd... umm i like it i thinkk .... welllll dat was webdings font for.... i like it i thinkk hehehe gr8!!

oh myyy listen to dis now... wat i thot wat imao.. is actually lmao.. n gues wat dat meanzz.. short fr laugh my ass off!! blaaaaa.. not gud fr mee!! but general knowledge yaaa.. heheheh

lazy lazy lazyyy.. i thot i was da only one aroundd.. i see too much competition noww hmm wateva... but hey... soccer fever still on.. has moderated at my place though i dnt evn know whoz gudd noww... wnderin if KSA crossed da hurdles to reach da second round atleassttt argentina hot fav.. n yea.... like a friend of mine very well mentioned.. thoe who dnt kno much bout soccer , whn asked who ur fav team is.. say brazil... hmm i gues i cn agree to it.. although i dnt wana say brazil's my fav... cmonn yaa they;r guddd
hey book crossing.. it seems is a new trend dats hit hyd, dznt seem to hav taken up in swing though.. well its bout leavin a buk.. in a public place after u;v read it.. so it jus passes on.. n reaches nother reader.. who reads it n passes it on.. hmm goes on like dat.. not a bad idea.. i wnder who;d like to take da step to begin dat buk voyage...hey i saw dis pic on da front page yest.,.. women in iran playin rugby, all in hijab... must say pleasing sight... n wat i saw today.. hmm bruce willis standin next to dis suuuuuuuuuuuuper huge teddy like thing which it mentioned racoon... it was soooo damn cute!!! n loooooo.. another localist voicing his thoughts... lucky chap.. has Deccan Chronicle as his platformm (wel he must b cribbin bout it in hope of times of india or the hindu...).. Srinivasa Rao.. yea i guess dats his name.. hmm as i read.. nature hs a lot to it n to understand it one must understand its language... hmmm now a mmillion dollar question.. wat langugae dz da nature use?? wellllll acc. to da writer.........its .. ummm itss... welll.. itss MATHEMATICS!!! yeaaa... hmm i thot all dose poets n literature kings n queens too ...... dint like math n science n so they'd bunk classes or.. fr n extreme sequence perhaps jus drop outta scool/ college to njoy NATURE n hence venture into literature in emerge.. umm successful (mostly unsuccessful heheh) writers or... wateva... nature speaks in math... or it was perhaps jus to create a beutifying look tfor math haters.....

hmm did i sayy ciao n adios r passe tooo?? welll... all u gotto sayy.. is
laterr...

overwhelmed by ennui

lazing around has probably reached its peak... i dont rememba whn it was last dat i had soo much time with nuthin to do.. or may b i shud say.. so much time wid lots to do.. none of which interests me!!! HoMe.. dats one word dat strikes tooo many feelings.... fr now.. to me.. its synonymous to BoReDoMe!!!!
well i kno this aint gonna last long.. its hardly anytime perhaps( i desperately wish soo!!) since ppl around me go on n on advicin me to DO SOMETHING.. n da kinda stuff i get to here... suggestions i mean.. hav a wide variety... not all amuse me.. but da onez dat do.. smhow take a backseat... n there again.. i hav more dan too much time.. n dis is all i have to do....
hmm dat reminds me... i was into researchin emotions in machines.... how glad i am at this moment.. my system dznt feel much... else dis kinds torture( yea yeaa m talkin of wat m ritin!!) wud drive it crazy to no bounds!!! ehmm.... puttin a second thought ( see dat.. i learnt to put thought instead of my regular thot!! m learninnggg :D ) may dat machine.. umm this machine wid emotinal intelligence.. wud hav better to offer to my souring moods in life( jus fr now haan!!)
okie dokiee... spam mails.. yea.. tolerable.. hackers!! m gettin a sick feelin fr thm.. but dt one art is worth mastering ( i m not hinting.. m no skilld hacker!!)
too many serious issues lingering around my mind n heart..wudnt wanna say m hesitnt to post bout thm.. but no point hinding truth either..
heyyy!! i saw dat.. shahrukh starrer kabhi alvida naa kehna's trailor jus today.. finally on air aftr so much hype.. may b wil rite bout dat whn i hav a second n third luk.. dont wanna dissapoint pritey zinta's fans by sayin shez lukin oldiiieeee (oops... wasnt suppose to rite dat!!! )
voila.. dats enuf for da day... thot of mentioning those stupid date plans my silly frnd was makin..( woooo.. not a date wid me yaa.. ) ........... okkk noww.. m overwhelmed by ennui!!!!!
ciao!

jus another day...

hmm smart enuf, u wudnt jus start talkin (chatting i'd rather say.. ) to sm1 u hav no idea bout.. n u r not da first to approach (ok ok .. i kno.. sm wudnt mind...) , ahan.. dis encounter i;d say was wierd. well, since i find da incident worth bloggin.. it ought to mean smthin eh??!!? as i type this.. m still wnderin if its worth.. but m sure i'll keep wonderin wat its all bout, whn i read it smday...

so, tasneem sounds wierd?@#$%@!!!! hmmm dats a wierd comment cmin frm a wierd stranger, wid wierd mysterious atittude who definitely had a sound intention which kinda failed ( woo my instincts hint too muchh bout too lil heheh!!) ok ok .. i dont possess da right to torture my readers ( see dat conviction!! sm1 wud read this keenly smday ehm ehmm!!) wid silly stuff..

so wats it like.. whn sm1 says.. u've been lucky for me? n how bout smthin like... i jus want sm time out of ur bz schedule.. well all dat n lot more said mmore dramatically, wid intensity.. loads of it.... n conviction dat reflected sincerity... wat cud one hav to say bout dat? woooooooosh.. losin track losin track... i gotto move smwher... dat wrld.. is iss.. ummm.. hey.. wateva.. need to sign off fr nowww!!

15..14..13....

well a cross 15 minutes is what i have in hand.. n yess listen to the goal now... if u happen to read my previous posts, u must have observed.. i've been using umm what do they call it now, yea.. a yea for a yes,, a da for a the, hehehe and how bout a fr FOR a for!!! if dat sounds kinda difficult jus see me type this sentnce again!! " if that sounds kind of difficult, juust see me type this sentence again".
nowww there u see da difference dont u, as i realise da art of riting ( ehm ehmmm da art.. is dat wat i rote??!!!) is a lot more beautiful if maintained wid the punctuations n yea... da rite words or do i say... the ritely ritten words... hmm its gonna take me lotsa time to catch up though... but i;ll reach there soon... its gonna help i kno... cz i was in a bad situation recently whn i was addressing n official mail.. wid these kinda words...
nature takin its course, as da monsoon hits south.. n showers hit da city, lush greenry, n a lil tacky smell at necklace road aftr da rains, is smthin dat dznt turn hyderbadi public off!! i;ve seen them havin a gala time.. jus like i did wid my family....
hmm reservation hulla gulla still on, although its muchhh more lesser than earlier... but its n issue worth givin a thought ( no wonder INDIAz debating!!) gr8 response frm all sectors... if col wud b on... participation perhaps wud hav been a lil more enthusiastic...
more on dat sooon...
n yeaaaa!!! dat was my 15th minute at n end!!!!

another lesson life taught me....

here goes now... buks r gonna b history.. buks r gonna b history.... BUKS R FINALLY HISTORY yupp..dats jus my way of sayin i wrapped up my xams... n like i said earlier.. i dnt thnik i;ve delayed dis post very long :) .... hols n fun... go together eh? wnderin how m gonna get da second wrd fit into da first one... as i find more time for myself, i only realise m unfolding towards too many odds of...... of... of.. da 4 letter hevy wrd..LIFE... n today i add another attribute to it.. unpredictable... although i;v always realised dat life is supposed to b unpredictable.. but dis side of it unveild jus recently.. as i heard my best friend mourn into my ears, early at 6.30 on monday , whn i was reviewing for my xam, at da wee hour she calls to tell me, hell broke lose n shez lost one of her most precious being... her cries make me guess coz she i knew her father was ill, i had seen him jus few days bak... latyer in da day as i met her.. i realised.. i was da one she lukd upto atleast only for dat moment.. as she was there to rite her xam... n what dawned to me dat time.. is something i hardly ever thought of... never had i found a situation so difficult to deal with.. as i consoled her, i asked my innerself wat i am duing, it was her father n m telling her not to cry, to see da gud in it (which daughter can find gud in her father's death?) but still as v both spoke.. v realised.. how life is.. n what it teaches and dat it is da best teacher.... da one thing i had told my self few days bak... "smthings are better learnt by da harder way in life" i cud jus see dat situation reflecting it all... v both rote our xam n rushed out earlier dan v usually do... n as v spoke i felt .. she was feeling better... may b jus a lil, may b jus da size of of da nuclues or wateva smaller dan dat... life teaches... n i am learning... these are difficult lessons... but i m learning.... i rite dis as i mourn, my frnd;s loneliness... wid prayers dat they would emerge from this situation gracefully with the Almighty;s help, and wid thots dat lil dat i hav know of uncle.. i hope he rests in peace as Allah announces his maghfirath...

oh yea..!!

ahaan... dis is wat cmz to my mind at dis point of time, "sm things in life are better learnt the harder way" must hav read it smwher, dat cant b da creativity err.. philosophy perhaps, of my mind.. neway.. fail to recollect, so wont take da credit, incase its worth it ( oh yea sane words are always appreciable) neywayss.. bak on trak.. buks like i;d said r gonna b history... dat day is fasssst apporachin.. but as i sit here to post, herez another thing dat cmz to my mind... one cant always be right, can one? to err is human... havin said dat.. y is it so difficult fer human to realize dat.. mistakes r things one learns frm... n if made fer da first time... unintentionalyy.. do they deserve punishmnt?... y do i feel they dont?.. umm umm blaaa.. losin trak again... hey.. hyderabadi jokes (language highlighted haan!!!) are da most circulated fwds since da last few months... two months to b precise...got 'em posted frm n NRI frnd(sheesh.. cudnt i think of a bettr description at dis point of time!!), who m sure had a gr8 time laughin at 'em jus like i did..... oh yeaa.. another thing dat cmz to my mind... how cn one person be soooooo very diffrnt whn he/she is wid two diffrnt ppl? difficult to digest.. sugary wid one... hurting another... wats true? bla bla blaaa.. next time i'll cm up wid better stuff to post, dnt wanna torture my readers( perhaps nil rite now) heyy last thing haan.. neone who cmz across dis post.. may be by mistake... plzzz spare sm time to post comments.. criticism is welcome yaaa.. i happn to take it well :D
signing off fer noww.. wont delay da next post fer long..