Etiquette talk...

Ahh.. just when i thought.. i get a day off.. n can relax wid music n empty my forwards flooded inbox, i get another report to study, with instructions that i start work 'today itself'. When i am in the middle of nothing... coz thats best i like to do :) m told to get along.. n ... well.. schedule things for a new start... hre goes... one mor trajectory coming up on my work graph.. not very sure if thats somehting to rejoice about.. but.. ok.. wateva.. !!

I just wrote this Oscar Wilde quote on my board that reads " Experiance is the name everyone gives to their mistakes" .. hehe no points for guessin who the target is :D :D

I was pissed off when a friend cooked up a dirty joke... well ok. . it wasnt dat dirty.. but i found it sick.. n cheap ! .. n dint like it one bit n so i said it on the face tht i dint like it.. n that if it were a joke it was sick.. n if it want.. then you are sick.. i couldnt help meaning it... coz u get the feeling it gave me.. when you realize the coarsity in my words !.. but does dat mean i need to learn .. well manners? ... well ok.. m open to learning anything new... anthign good... n fine if that could make me shine a little brighter... but hey!!.. y overlook the possibility of the other person being a competent learner of manners when it comes to that! coz.. matter of factly i thot that was ill mannerism too... coz it was bad.. n later was wrapped up in the name of a joke, n whn i express my disgust i need to learn manners? huh! manners to speak is it? or to wirte? or manners to shut your mouth whn you dislike somehting the other says especially when it offends you?!!
ok.. even if i am over doing it ( i dont really think so! .. but this again would mark my "atittude" hell wid it , if its at d cost of one;s dignity!) .. .. even if i assume it were unintentional, and it really was a joke... then y not take my words also in similar spirit in let go.. as smthin said wn angry?! na.. i am supposed to learn a lesson for that.. n dats bout manners.. .. so i gotto get bak after i learn them... i wonder if i would want to get bak !!
the anger isn't coz i i was asked to learn... d anger is coz i was asked to learn for what i said... agree what i said was not correct... ok lisn to this "if that was a joke it was sick, and if it wanst then you are sick" .. obviously.. the latter part is what struck right where it wasnt suppose to... n the damn ego thing also would play a salt sprinkling role... but y overlook the point htat borught that reaction??
neva mind... i thot i'd give n apology.. only for one reason.. that a little age difference.. so may b out of respect ( for being just a little older than me.. [i wudnt misbehave wid very oldies] ) i thought i'd say sorry.. ni also thot.. since therez one person on the face of this earth.. who currently happens to be naraaz wid me... it isnt really givin me a contending feeling... soooo... ummmm... may b .. i will.. but.. meri galti nahiiiiiiiiii hai!!! the reaction was obivous n i dont regret it.. !! but ok.. i shudnt hav said it may b... but y shudnt i have said it??? whn i dotn like what was told to me.. i cn say wat another person would dislike tooo haina? ..
nai? ... y not?!!!
why does one have to be good all the time?!
i dotn like it somtimes!

newyas... since i've speculated enuf.. may b i will drop in a line...

n yea CPI for Soultions.. here comes Tasneem ! :-s

wanna end a little differently aj.... i happen to come across anothe rOscar Wilde's quote.. n wow.. it seemed like he wrote it keepin me in mind :D

" I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing i know anything about "

Ciaoo!

A rainy day at work

A window pane with water drops

one trickles down, and another follows

making my view incredible



oh that was thunder striking again

reminding me, lady.. ur in office forget rain



the two sides of this window show such different worlds

one's so serious that no one even knows

who cares if its raining or its hot or it snows



the other is 'life'.... to me it appeals

for beauty that it offers, or may b just the peace

gud 'ol days....

Sometimes its wierd to see how your feelings tend to take over you... you jus happen to flow with them, to some world, not very alien to you but different enuf to keep up its mysticity.

"rakhloon chupa ke mein tujhe, saath tere mein hi rahun"
I am lisnin to Maula mere from Anwar... dats my all time favourite.. i can lisn to it jsu about anytime.. in any mood.. not really sure what of it appeals so mcuh to me... but since i;ve put dat line here... that feeling of being possessed perhaps has its own good and bads, i am not real sure what guds n bads m talkin pf.. but yea... it jus struk so i put it in....

I see this cloud, moving at a very steady pace, i dont really have to mention that its a beautiful site, but yea.. therez always been this awe to see the clouds move really fast (i;d seen sm documentry on the discovery channel .. n there was this place somewhere on the globe.. where d clouds were "running" yea..... you stand on ground n look up, u see clouds.. rushing... as if they were to catch a train.. duh :D stupid i know.. hehe )
oh... see... now that cloud aint there... looks like its gone to catch... hehe its train.. :D
Oh i see another one moving... but htis one isnt very fast.... n it doesnt really look like a cloud... i mean u know dat cotton candy look....
that reminds me... it was one of our PRP days... n it was dark by d time ur class finished.. we walked out... n we saw this.. hugeeeee yummy looking cloud.. it was soo white( well since it was dark already.. d sky seemd to compliment its look in beautifying it all the more) n it stood jus beside the tower that has the Wipro logo... it lookd awesome... i dnt havea camera fone..s o cudnt capture that.. but yea.. sm of my frndz did.. not sure if they still have it...

hey.... this song agin reminds me... of PRP... those were such nice days yaa.... y is it dat... you always miss whats gone.. n you want it to come back.... i dint really feel at dat time.. that i;d miss PRP days so much.... they were such... ahh.. nice days yaa.. but that time i think i reminisced college days.... y r we soooo human yaaa... ( :D well i think dats d best we can be :D )

i;d doze off in the pl sql class.. dat ma 'am... hehe.. she sorta got to know my name i think... n later there was this sir too... i dnt remmbr his face ... n ya.. d java guy keets n manso liked.. hehe... ahhh.. its jus bout writing bout them n thinkin bout them... n most importantly... smiling about those days...

that Antakshri yaa.. it was soooooo much fun :D ... manso wud jus b excited.. she neva sang !! silly girl... n yea.. d one wid anil.. hehe.. dat was gud tooo.. i tell ya.. he pathertically messess up the lyrics.. specially of the beautiful oldie songss...
n yea.. dat gameeeee.. kya naam tha yaa uska... wt was dattt... ahh how cni frget... d first level was d cherry.. then d orange.. then a green apple... hehe... anil n me took turns for it... n manso n me too sometimes... .. manso some how enjoyd the screeches i;d make whn eating those.. well.. they were jus dots naa.. hehehe... it was sooo mcuh funn yaaa.. kya tha wo game ka naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!!! damn!

ahan.. anil dropped me a mail sayin therz sm surprise at his blog.. lemme chl dat out...

Adios !!!

Bloggin from... T4/T/C115

okk i;ve got content to put in here!!...Naidu was jsut at my desk... as Thangarajan was mergin all d files.. he came n sat n turned to me n then lookd at Murli n said.. we must have a clear case session ... i turned my chair n zapped, yes we do !! n then he looked at me.. oh ya.. the other day you changed some files n we had a big problem! ( finally.. he had d guts to tell me!! ) n i said.. yes Thangraj told me about it... n then i explained to him that may be there was some problem coz Thangraj saw the very next moning.. n they were all there... but man!! hez such a.. neva mind! .. wont boil.. Thangraj kept saying.. may be we did some mistake in setting the configuration, coz i checkd the fiels n they were lal there.. but he kept saying.. no.. i checked rite.. they were not there ! dats it! i jus lookd at him wid d.. 'say wateva you want to.. i know i dint do anything rong n m not lisnin to you' look !
n then i turned around to my desk again n he walked away! .. wat a reliefff ! atleast i said it to him!
if you really ask em.. since that time.. i;ve kinda lost intrest in work.. n jus a lil while ago iw as tellin my team mate.. i dunno .. its a weeknd.. but i dnt really feel i;ve done sm gud work for this week.. infact i feel i;ve done no work at all.. i mean nuthin constructive n satisfactory... hmmm thinkin of it now.. yea.. i;ve done sm good handling at the BO cases.. its gud to see a mail.. 'thank you it works fine now'..
newayss janedo.. i opened this to rite bout my new cube.. its at a corner.. n view yahan se is better dan the earlier one :)
i think i like it.. :)

my extension wud change too..so new visitin cards?

Perhaps my last one from this cubicle ... yea.. if you wana reach Tasneem.. you gotto head to T4/T/115 instead of 120 ... duhh.. change again... n y m i soo repugnant towards change.. i kn ow its too....
i had moved off frm d page.. had a very long meetin... bohot din baad colg ke din yaad aagaye.. yaad aagya.. kaise soya karte the classes me.. lol yea.. it was a requirement description presntation before the RFST... aaakhri neend aari thi yaa.. sachme.. col yaad aagya... i js heard the stuff after d break... dats sooo usual of me.. i;d lisn to classes after d breakk hehehe...

newasy..m moving to a new desk.. not very far fromt his one.. but yea.. this window... that crane, those clouds... well m still movin to a place near another window... magar wahan se.. pata nai kaisa view hoga... choti choti baatein yaa.. kitni important hoti hain kabhi... bla its fine magar.. b4 d meetin iw as feelin uneasy bout d move.. now m ok... i dunno y though...

whoz idea was it??? ahhhhhhh cmon!!! who else! my Pm.. mr. Naidu.. ppl workin on d same product must be seated closer to each other.. i gues he made dat decission after he realised i n Soumendra keep movint o each others desk quite often.. :D .. well atleast v discuss!!!

neways... not veyr sure... wrk moving also.. n not moving too.. m really not sure of many thigns.. but blaa.. i aitn takin 1 mim bit of tension fr it.. nah. not any more!

n yyea it still has many things to do with whats goin on around.... but... umm.. welll.. i missedit.. i was gonna say smthin... n thn.. i well yea.. missd it..

calo theek hai neva mind...
almost home goin time..

bubye!

tete-a-tete

Ah.. i jus noticed.. that last one was my 101th.. n it dint deserve to be that bad , but i;ve got something better this time.
This conversation i have here.. i thought it really deserved a place on my blog.. so here goes... n hey.. any one who goes by this... please drop in a line or two.. i have'nt really asked for comments earlier.. but yea.. fr this one.. would like to know what else has the world got to give for this sphere of life ...
Here goes..

somehtin else was here.. but wana cut it short.. starting it from where.. i think it would make sense

Boy :Actually u know.. v can get to know bout d person on phone….
If u r wid d person den u might come to know bout him/her….

Girl: I dint really get you… you can get to know d person on phone…? If ur wid the person you get to kno him/her?

Boy: v cant get to know a person on phone…..

Girl: Ok .. then there ends.. I don’t know you..

Boy: Yoh… btw want ur pt of view….
Why stranger comes in our life changes it and go away… they don’t even show their faces….
Is’t God want us to make realize something.. I dint got d funda behind this….

Girl: Ya dats true… people come .. sm stay.. sm go away never to return, but some of them leave a mark.. n you reminisce that all your life..
Everything has a reason I believe.. n all reasons are not within our means of understanding either..
So since He has planned it.. we let it be that way.. coz He surely has a purpose behind it right..

Boy: So watif I need som one who touched my lif and who is no where with me now… I feel lik all alone in this selfish world…
Wat I shud do now….
‘I’ here not refers ME… it’s a situation…

Girl: :) such situations come in life more often than expected, and this is where one must practice patience. If the person touched your life and now is nowhere to be found, the mark that person has left definitely is more than enuf for you to move on in this world that you’d term selfish. If they cant really be the strength in such situations.. then their presence has never mattered,
But since we are too engrossed about thinking that they are gone and are no more with us, we tend to miss out on what they have left for us. They r gone coz something better is coming your way and coz therez no room for anything less than the BEST for you..

Boy: This was good….

Girl: :) ya.. when I read it again.. I thot it was good too….
You don’t really understand things.. unless you share it.. I dint know that ‘this’ is what I think about such situations until I wrote it to u.. :)

The End

well... thats how it ended... i js got d gist of it n put it here.. cuttin out a few things from the top that werent necessary...

hey... noticed smthn? therz more pink than bluee.... you need more proof that girls talk a lot?? hehe... but yea.. therz one more thing to it.. they talk sense too ;)

newayss... dats bout it..

signing off for the day... or who knows.. i mite get bak ;)

so... for now.. Maassalaama !!

He messed up my beautiful morning !

My mood wasn't as bad as now just a few minutes ago ! i am open o criticism and happen to take it well in my stride, and also realise how to get the better out of myself if its in the right spirit, but hell !! doing it behind my back and not on my face ! what a Loser!!! yea.. m talkin of my manager Naidu! n i hate him today ! just one extra bit of hatred, and dat bit has a humugous size ! , i was ill, had fever, so dint come on friday .... monday mornin, dats just a lil while ago, i waas feelin so good to get back to work, i dont know what made me feel that good, i was really looking forward to doing some good work and heading home satisfied... but this MAN ! is sick !! i am not doing it behind his back.. i would;nt mind if he;d even read this !! i care a damn! but this is true n this is what m feeling for him right now !

My friends told me ( i had first written the name, then removed, i dont really wana put sm1 else into truoble! but howi wish naidu gets to know dat i blog n he stumbles into this page! may b not today.. may b smtime ever in his life, n then he;d realise that after 10 years of work at wipro.. he still had a just fresher talk this way about him... ( apart from the others who know him enuf ! ) ) ya.. so i was told,, Tasneem you were the tlak of the project on friday.. i just looked n asked.,,, umm .. good or bad? ... i was told... what do you expect from these peaople... i said bad..... i was given n affirmation for dat ! n i walkd out for cofee with safa... n i told her too.. for all my hard work.. this is wat i get.. i tell u.. its annoyingly frustrating, .. i know all ppl are'nt bad... when Srimant was there.. i;d do even a very little thing, he woul give me such a nice, 'very good' or when i;d say i dont know if i can do it.. he would give such a confident smile with a ' i know you can do it' ... that would make me do it ! i remmber.. even when he gave me a whole requirement to handle.. i just looked at him and he said... common you made the proposal, and you know about it, you did the estimation too... you can do it... i just smiled, at dat time i knew he was going... even later, when it was his second last day.. he'd come to me n asked how is it going... n i showed him what i did.. and he said.. veryyy goood... you are almost done, and you were simply worried... then i had told him.. i still have Alex for windows to do na Srimant, and he said.. that is very simple when compared to this, you will do it.. and you have a lot of time ( that time i hd about 20 days in hand )... all i mean to say is... whn you are appreciated for what you do, you feel like doing it better, sometimes you really dont know you can do it, unless someone tells you .. you can... you know when Debraj was leaving too, iw as with Srimant and he was showing me somehting, he had come to Srimant's desk and he told me... you are the most promising member of the Alex team now.. it embarassed me a little, coz i did nothing by then,. i had just smiled, and he then told said yes.. you are giving good solutions you all will take care he had said... i js smiled again..
It seems... Naidu was in high spirits on firday yelling about what i did... i messed up the gif files it seems.. hell! did anyone bother to tell me or guide me how to do it?? NO !.. did anyone bother to come n check.. knowing that project is in new hands, did anyone wana know howz the flow? NO ! DAMN! the developers were worried, there was no plan, there was a whole module, whoz code flow NOBODY NOBODY knew!!! and what at this time should the manager do when the developer would go and express their concern over it?.. you know waht i was told? whn i went and said... ia m having a really bad time with Alex for windows.. i dont understand what to do? DAMN.. he just told me... ' try' ... dats it ! even till the end .. he dint get to us... n then when there was may b a week.. Kannan happened to realise n he got into it.. n v had soem talking done to realise how bad d status was.. n we further workd.. getting it to a leel where it was in deliverable state! it was at last moment that he realised n started working with Thangarajan... n even in the middle of that.. NAidu went to the extent of blaming Srimant and Debraj !! n how modest is that for a PM to do??? he speaks ill of those members of the team who worked so hard and did so much, and now that they are gone, he blames them for having messed it up before they left!?!! what could i expect from him??? never did i hope for a word of appreciation from him never! and i never will...
I did'nt delete any files int he main, i;ve worked just in the dev branch, all the gif files, i dint wana lose them. i took care that i;d hav a back up and apart formt hat instead od deleting them i renamed them, if i've done rong, i'll accept it... you hell blame me for wht i have not done.... i care a damn speaking and questioning about it to ANYBOD Y !!! and no this is'nt ATITTUDE!! this is what required to be shown when ppl mess with your dignity !
it seems he discussed all that with Kiran( the onsite guy) .... i always felt he had n idea of what i can do.. and what kinda work i do.. i dont know.. but now.. i dont even want to know ! earlier i thought.. yea.. Alex is MY module, i will work for its excellence, if smthiin would be messed up, i;d be worried, i;d share this with Soumendra, he would say dont worry so much... when the build wasnt ready on time.. i was worried, i felt bad for not having finished on time( not my part... d other one's ) but still... neywas... NOW I CARE A DAMN! A DAMN A DAMN A DAMN!! if he comes and questions me.. i'll answer him... else let him bear with the MISTAKES he claims i ahve made !!
and for now.. m gona put my music on again.. n carry on with the lil enhancements that were mentioned in the mail i got on friday.. n yea.. sm bo cases tooo.. magar ab .. no way m i gona take this stuff seriously... they;ve seen the good of me... if they emss wid me.. they'll have to see the bad of me too... n my bad wouldnt show out ! i'd still do it with dignity !

My Hundredth

what else could i ask for.... its d purrrfect weather i;d wana rite in... a relieved mind.. a peaceful heart.... a dhinchak song list on... 'LeKiN' moooooooood nai hai yaarooo ! :D yawn..... yea its my 100th, so.. gotto be special? hmm yea... lets c now... wat'd i do on my 100th birthday? mmm may b pack my bags for my final trip to my ultimate abode ;), hmm wat'd i do on my 100th mistake? :D prepare well... for the 101th? hehe... mmmm wat'd i do for my 100th friend?.. nah bad count.. i wudnt be able to keep trak of dat ;) ... hmmm at else cn go till dat 100th thing? i dnt really remmber wat i did on my 100th day at work... lets c noww... 100th day... meaning... 4th sept 2006 se 100 workin days... must hv been smtime in december mid.. or almost end nai? .. mmmm then i was still with Avaya... or who knowz.. it must hv been dat very day i mved to Ericsson?! pata nai.. not really in calculation mood....

The tip of my nose is freezing pata hai!! its soooo cold in here ! ...

Its awesomely beautiful outside, the perfectly romantic weathr, the perfect weather for a walk ALONE, the perfect weather for a family picnic, the perfect weather for a day out in the greens wid friends, the perfect weather to play with ur nephew/ niece/ any cute kid/ any kid ;) out in d open... the perfect weather to js watch through a huge window, the perfect weather to write... the perfect one to lisn to really fast music, the perfect one to lisn to rafi / Lata/ Kishore.. or even Jagjit for that matter..... it seems to possess the perfection to remind you of what you loved to do, to remind you of those lovely days in college with friends, to remind you of long talks that usually began with silence, ended with silence... n in the middle.. there was silence :)... to remind you of d time you had in your sister's wedding... to remind you of just about anything pleasant.......hmmm may be its just the perfect weather to perfect one's day :)

L.I.F.E - i had once asked someone what it was to them ( dnt looka t me like dat.. i usually ask wierd stuff to wierd or not so wierd ppl hehe :D ) i dunno.. its a very vague memory m tryin to recollect here... i think i had said.. its all about Learning.. it begins wid it atleast.. n carries on.. until.. wel i dont know when... neways... i was told... ( i dont really remmber who m talkin of yaa.. i js remmber i dint like d person.. but i did like d anser though... ) ya.. so the L in it is Life itself n the E of it is the End of it... duh.. it seemd like.. mmm wo!! to me at dat time.. i was.. well quite young i think... blaa.. neva mind... js wanted to log it.. did it ;)

hmm wil be right bak !!
sachme bohot sardi hori yaa.. m kaanping ... umm dat means shivering..

was off fr lunch.... but m sil feelin cold... i think feverish too.. mummyy hona meku..

Software Engineer ki Dua ;)

Well i cudnt resist puttin this up here... this innocent wish cmz in every s/w engg. 's heart.. m so damn sure!!

lol... neways... check out dis movie .. by d end of it.. i realised.. there wz a a tear waitin to get outa my left eye... it ended jss at d rite time.. so bachgaya(d tear) :D

Aj is... Environment day.. it seems (yea i dint know.. ) n so we had this thing to go out n plant sm jhaads.. umm ok.. paudhe ( if dat sounds any better :D) well i js meant plants..dint wana rite.. plant sm plants.. cz i cudnt rite plant trees.. cz plants grow into trees na.. so u plant plants n plants grow into trees... urrghhh.. neva mind!!.. i put two of 'em inplace :) .. it was.. umm well good to b away frm desk.. n under d sun.. muddy hands n all.. thodi der ke liye hi sahi... wz nice :)
came morning.. n i saw a list of mails frm Kiran.. AT findings (already?!?!) n two fell into my basket.. so had to fix thm.. n wz worried bout it.. so dint get to safa fr cofee.. but they wernt major bugs... fixed thm n forwarded a mail intimating dat d wrks dn n d build cn be ready fr a test for those finidngs.. n abhi tak to kuch nai kare.. so.. i aint duin much.. hey.. d song list hz exhausted.. wait.. lemme play smthin.. oh no.. i had paused it.. to lisn to dat movie.. :D

kuch dhang ke gaane nai hai yaa.. i dint like Jhoom baraabar jhoom all dat much.. they were.. well... blaa... !
those other ones i was lisnin to yesterday.. yea d guy i said who sounded like Atif Aslam... na.. it wasnt him... sm new Pakistani singers.. their album name's Raeth.. good collection... i js loved Akela hun mein .. and Bhulado those wer sent to me by a frnd who happnz to kno my song taste well :)... to0 gud yaa.. luvly compositions.. the otherz in d album wer okie dokie..

To phir aao...

If its difficult to say something... then you know wat its gotto be??.. d damn sickening feelin one has bout terrifying work experaince... n if it easy to say something... THEN you know wat it is??? well its the peace one feels when dat phase has passed.. relief.... yea.. i know wat dat thing really meansss! :) n you know wat keeps tickling n flickering the silly mind at this time?! ahh.. well its... d thought dat this feelin has a short life.. but again.. after that you know wat wraps it all up to give you a better feelin...hhmmm... the " abbe frget it yaar.. abhi ke liye to jeelo" attittude at this time:) n m so glad i have it ;)

mannn i missed this place.... i've had like.. a bad bad time .. n now n ok ok time dat seems like heavenn.. you know its wierd dat a million things keep happening in your life n its so difficult to decide what to pay attention on.... but hey.. prioritizing things in life.. is such a necessity.. you mess dat up.. n u see yourself goin throu it all.. alone!.. n your d one to b blamed han.. but yea.. whats important n wats not so important.. wats ok.. n wats not ok... wats right n wats rong... is o important to find out... n keepin in mind dat they really are important.. it isnt dat you can actually spend a set amount of time deciding n prioritizing.. dat too is js suppose to cm .. well .. in the flow of life.... little things ya... they all make up life.. but.. each of these lil lil thngs.. are such king size biggies if you mess ;em up... silly na.. .. hmm yea..

hmm i dunno who this guy is.. familiar voice.. but cant figure out who it is.. Atif aslam ka hi hai shayad.... nice song but... very high pitch.. nice one yaa.. its gud dat d saddie songs too are cmin up all loaded aj kal.. well yea d Atif aslam ishtyle ;)

aj i aint gna work.. one bit.. hopefully.. although i;ve already got naidu'z mail askin Tharak for a test plan fr Alex.. n i kno i gotto fx d bugs.. but. duh! hell wid it!!!

todays gona b my day.. my music.. my mails my fwds.. my pieces of riting.. sab mine mine mine.. today is a lil.. wierdy kinda day.. dnt ask me y.. i aint tellin ya.. n i kno wn i read this later i aint gna remmber y i calld it wierdy.. so.. its ok..

i had so much to pen down u know.. so much of ponderin over dat i did.. my lil gatherings of silly htoughts n my dumb musings.. but i cudnt belive i dint hav dat time in hand... it wud hardly take me few minutes to put it here. but trust me.. i know what its like when they say.. i dont have time.. i smtimes wud give wierd luks wn i was told that they dont have time.. i guess i;ll sympathise with 'em nxt time anyone tells me dat.. :D

In such times.. or rather after such times.. when you get this lil time fr thigns you like to do... thats wat defines ecstacy.. i feel like m havin one of those yummy Barista muffins js outta d oven dat melttttt in your mouth .. geee hehe...

n hey.. friday was gud.. i was cribbin all d while... butit wsa nice.. i reachd home.. n Sam bhai was js leavin wid Rehan n my sisters to take 'em fr a drive.. n my sisters insisted i;d join .. although i was hell tired.. trust.. i was feelin like a towel that they squeeze to drain out all d water before they dry it under d sun.. yea.. my energy level wr down to dat extent !! but then i joined ;em .. n it was gud time.. it was full moon nite.. yea.. d yellow mooon.. iw as cribbin how i hated this time at wrk n baj kept sayin..i js need a break.. .. i'd open my mouth.. n it wud be fr cribbin.. n she;d yell.. godd.. dont sound dat frustrated tas.. n i;d be quiet then.. :D .. neywas.. i thn v moved fr dinner.. n it was gud.. n thn got bak home.. .. n sat was ok.. not much.. i was tierd.. i felts good bout not feelin tierd.. i felt good i was bak to my normal cookin n mum yellin.. n dad shoutin... n me js noddin ;) :D.. n they again bein fine hehe..

ahh.. ok! a bug! i know i said i wudnt.. but.. mera hi kam hia.. :( .. y d hell m i such a gudy!!

chalo bye.. i think i;ll get bak here.. n yea m still gona hav my songs on.. n i aint gona take thse damn bugs seriously.. fix hua to hua.. nai hua too.. phutoooooooo!!!!

a fluttering mind..

wouldnt say i am sick of life
perhaps its just that m goin through a strife

sometimes when your hating it all
you keep building and all it does is fall

thats when they say we must hold on
to what? i wondered.. may be just untill its gone

you know it will move, it does'nt have a choice
but thats again the time you have the most painful voice

its frustrating to see plans thwart
but hey.. i was told, thats also an art

lets see what the new day has to bring
its all planned up there, winter or spring...

mehkaaiye... zulfon ki shaam

You know how beautiful it is outside today?! ahh.. ia int gona work one bit aj... not in d mood.. jssss not in d mood.. n i care a damn.. jo hoga.. dekhlinge.. n u know wat else? i am .. dam damn damnn sleepy abhi...u shud luk at my eyes..

aj apna bilkul mood nai hai kaam ka!... i;ve ut on rafi's oldies... waadiyan mera daaman... raaste meri baahen... jao meo mere siwa, tum kaha jaoege.. full volume pe... ab koi aake saamne thairke kuch pooche tak fursat! apun nai sunre aj kuch bi... yawnnnnnnnn... m sooo sleepy na yaa mmmmm..

neways.. yest was very nice ALhmdulillah... once again.. a gr8 day .. i cut 4 cakes !! :D yea.. this is n all time high!!.. two at ofice... two at home... hmm ya.. d first one was a lil team get together.. d second one.. frndz at work... third one.. col frndz popped up.. iw as soo surprised... actually.. they thought i was expectin them... well i perhaps wud incase i;d reach home early.. i got late yesterday.. took d 7 ka shuttle.. n was home by 7.50 or so.. n i was hell tired.. js went upstairs changed n it was Isha time so thot.. namaz padke ludak jaatun.. i js finished namaz n was walkin outa my rroom.. n Far n Ash.. go.. HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY .. n i was like.. eeeee.. kahanse aagaye tum log ?? lol.. yea.. n then v cut d cake n v had sooooo many thigns to talk about it js 25 minz.. ya it was gettin late na.. 8.30 already so they had to rush home too... neways... thn they left... n i went downstairs.. n another cake was waitin fr me.. i went like.. ahhh all smiels but obviosuly... mmmmm... i cudnt eat it kal magar... i hope smthin is left by d time i reach home aj.. .. hmmm aur.. mummyyy meku abhi bhi neend aari... i hav sm things to do dekho.. magar nai hota merse.. i really m too sleepy yaa.... m gona do lazy work aj.. i dont wana work ajjj

tuu is tarah se meri zindagi mein shaamil hai... tu is tarah se meri zindagi mein shaamil hai... jahan bhi jaaun ye lagta hai.. teri mehfil hai.. tu is tarah se meri .. zindagi mein shamil haii..

(music )

kya yaaaaaa

ye aasmaan ye baadal ye raaste ye hawaa.. ye aasmaan ye baadal ye raaste ye hawaa... har ek cheez hai apni jagah thikaane se ... kaeen dinon se shikaayat nahi zamaane se...
ye zindagi hai safar .. tu safar ki manzil haii.... jahan bhi jaun ye lagta hai teri mehfil hai... tu is tarah se meri zindagi mein shali hai...

( music)
hmm nice song naii.. :)... n u kno wat.. i think i got mosttttt of my

tere baghair jahan mein koi kami se thi.. tere baghair jahan mei.. koi kami se thi.... bhatak rahi thi jawaani andheri raahon mein.... sukoon dil ko mila.. aake teri baahon meinnn
mein ek khoi hui mauj hun.. tu saahil hai... jahan bhi jaun ye lagta hai... teri mehfil hai..
tu is tarah se meri zindagi mein shaamil haii...

(music)

ya.. so iw as sayin... i got soo many calls yest u know.. jinke nahi expect kari thi.. wo bhii

Tere jamaal se raushan hai.. kaaenaat meri... tere jamaal se raushan hai kaaenaat meri....
meri talaash teri dilkashi rahe baaqi.. khuda kare ke ye deewanagi rahe baaqi
teri wafaa hi meri har khushi ka haasil hai... jahan bhi jaun ye lagta hai... teri mehfil
tu is tarah se meri zindagi mein shaamil hai

(musi)
Too gud yaa.. luvly song!!

han so all in all it was a very nice day... hey.. lo.. gaana bhi khatam hogya... next one starts... hehe.. ayee haaaaayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..... u know wich one??? " ye jo chilman hai.. dushman hai hamariii" lol...

han so i was talkin of calls... all my frnds except a few.. calld :) was glad.. very glad :) n got my mails n greetings.. allll in place..

oyee hoyeeeee.. u know wich one nowwwww... likhe jo khat tujhe... wo teri yaad mein hazaron rang ke nazaaare ban gayeeee... :)

blaaa
meku kam karna dil nai bolra dekho aj.. :( meink ya karunn :)

iske lyrics bhi bohot acche hai u know.. beautiful... i tell ya... d yester year stuff is js smthin outta dis world.. its got this very diffrnt class yaa..
i think i;ll replay it... ruko

likhe jo khat tujhe wo teri yaad mein hazaaron rang ke nazaare bangaye
likhe jo khat tujhe wo teri yaad mein hazaron rang ke nazaare bangaye
sawera jab hua to phul bangaye jo raat aayi to sitaare bangye... likhe jo khat tujhe :)

(music)

koi naghma kahin goonja.. kaha dil ne.. ye tu aai...
kahin chatki kali koi.. mein ye samjha tu sharmaai...
koi khushboo kahin bikhri.. laga ye zulf lehraai...

likhe jo khat tujhe wo teri yaad mein hazaaron rang ke nazaare bangaye
likhe jo khat tujhe wo teri yaad mein hazaron rang ke nazaare bangaye
sawera jab hua to phul bangaye jo raat aayi to sitaare bangye... likhe jo khat tujhe :)

(music)

fizaa rangeen adaa rangeen.. ye ithlaana .. ye sharmaana
ye angdaai ye tanhaai.. ye tarsa kar chale jaana
banadegaa nahi kisko.. jawan jaadu ye deewaana :)

likhe jo khat tujhe wo teri yaad mein hazaaron rang ke nazaare bangayelikhe jo khat tujhe wo teri yaad mein hazaron rang ke nazaare bangayesawera jab hua to phul bangaye jo raat aayi to sitaare bangye... likhe jo khat tujhe :)

(music)

jahan tu hai.. wahan mein hun... mere dil ki.. tu dhadkan haii...
musafir mein.. tu manzil hai... mein pyasa hun.. tu saawan hai..
meri dunya ye nazre hainn.. meri jannat ye daaman haii...

likhe jo khat tujhe wo teri yaad mein hazaaron rang ke nazaare bangayelikhe jo khat tujhe wo teri yaad mein hazaron rang ke nazaare bangayesawera jab hua to phul bangaye jo raat aayi to sitaare bangye... likhe jo khat tujhe :)

(music)

well dats bout it :)
i really dont wana get outa this whole mood aaj.. :) :( m not sure wich one to use.. hehe

heyyy another gud one...
chalkaayen jaam.. aaiye.. aapki aankhon ke naam.. honthon ke naam... lol..nah i aint gona start of againnn....
yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

(: Happy Birthday Tasneem :)

heyyy u know who called js noww????
Mal bhai :)
m soooooooo sooo soo so ooooo happpy.. I was more than surprised! it was a wierd no. i pikd d fone.. he said as salam alaikum.. i said wa alikum as salam.. then he said happy birthday.. i said thankyou n i kept askin kaun bolre.. he dint say anythn.. n i asked again n again.. n he went like.. arre bhai door daraas se bhi karte logan call.. n i still dint get the hint !! n then he finally said.. MAlik bolraun.... n i wwetn.. wattttttt?.. then i went woowww Malik bhai.. thank ou so much for calling.. n v spoke fr about 7 8 mins.. ahh howwwwww sweeeetttt of him yaa !!
u know hez one persn i admire.. not really sure for wat but ya.. hez n absolute goody :) n my frndz know it.. as soon as he put d fone down i calld up Fariya.. n told her.. guess who js called.. n my voice said it all she said.. ya i can guess very easily.. Malik bhai call kare toich aisa bolte tum.. lol.. Hez one of my seniors
n hey.. i frgot to mention... well its... dat very day.. 23 May... way back in 1985 i was born on the same day!! wooww.. bohot time hogya nai.. lol heheh... yup.. its my birthday.. n my day is movin well.. .. i've got chocolates at my desk... wo kya haina.. hamari team ka tradition sort hai .. dat its ur birthday so mithai baat te ( how boring ) but nah.. i neways forgot yesterday that it was my birthday aj( not unusual eh !) n so i dint buy any mithai yest.. n mornin me mere koi chacha ki dukaan nai hai itni subah subah kholne (:D) so.. i came js like dat.. n then got sm choclates frm d cafe./. umm diary milk n kitkat precisely.. n they are here at my desk.. thode se bache hain :D

newaysss.. me d happies.. dat TR i started work on.. hehe dats done too! yestday i thot it wasnt done... i js executed it again.. its fixed :D.. so js n analysis report to go now...

hmm messgaes since 12 last nite.. Ishhhh ka msg was first :) then my sister n my cousins in line.. :) but d silly thing is.. i chkd 'em all in d mornin :D .. n thats whn i remmbrd.. oh yesss... waise anil did remind me yesterday.. magar shaam tak i frgot again.. else i;d take smthin on my way home kal hi.. neva mind.. ! chocoz.. bache to sabbbbbbb mere :D heeheh:D

wishes pouring in :) from unexpected callers too.. m so glad... n feel so blessed.. i really have so many people to whom i matter ( no.. m not pointin at d fact dat only those who r gona wish me aj are the onez i matter to.. ) neways.. i got quite a few.. strangerz wishes too.. welll wiproites hi hain bhaii.. so... na.. wnt call 'em strangers naiii. :S.. n no i aint gona make a fuss if any of my frndz dont call me ... may b by day end i;ll call ;'em n remind 'em :D ( hehe.. it js proves ya.. apni ich category ke hai ye log bolke :D .. n they wont get mad at me whn i dont wish ;em either :D)

:D mein isme se ek chocolate khalun? :D
kitkat? :D
:D :D
ok m havin it.. hehe

chalo bye...
wil probably get bak here .. may b by day end... else.. tomoro mornin definitely... cz dis is jssss d beginning od my day....

smhow i dunno.. my birthdays hav been special... i wud start off wid.. "nothing " to do.. n by day end... smthin so mcuh wud happen dat i;d be surprised.. huh.. ye kaise hogya.. n all dat wud leave me smilin:)

When you have that Hand shading you.. and such beautiful people around you... u are assured to have a gud day :)

Massalaama !

newyas... dat analysis doc to go.. n may b i'll chk in dat code.. n then.. yea... ahh bhulgayi !

cotton candy.. :)

u know how beautiful the sky looks from here? those cotton candy lukin clouds, making thir way though that serene fullness of blue that spreads over endlessly... ahh.. n this beauty to my eye.. was just .. a microsecond away... you know why... coz i was jus too engrossed inw ork.. n dint realise.. that just lifting my eyelids by a distance of 2cm. i can witness such beauty that would make me feel the calmness it has to offer...
hmmmmmmmmm yea.. little things tend to sober you down in the most hectic of moments.. d only bad part is.. most of the time you miss out on these... n i missed out on these since more than a month now i guess... smhow my eyes fell on it today.. n i realised it hardly took any time.. but made me feel much better to continue wid .. yea .. work !

hey... wil get back here again !
hv a lil discussion fr now..

Phantoms of Reality..

I look at my right, and what do i see
that beam of light, reaching out to me

I look at my left, and what do i see
a grey cloud that seemed kept, with a silver lining and gleam

I stood beneath what they call sky
thats home to birds, with ecstasy they fly

To reach the zenith, without any care
To live till they die, without any fear

I hear those drops as they fall down
Piercing out of that cloud and all its bound

The splash that it makes in that puddle of water
Losing its identity, from a drop to a wholsome body of water

I see nature showz me contrasts too
Its not just life that shows me a few

When its humid and hot and summer all through
You never know which eve would show you those drops of dew.

Gosh!! i really had to think to give this a title !!

Good Morninggggggggggg !!

Oh yea... a good one in the very true sense of it !! :)

i had n immensely irritating end of day (yesterday) .. yea.. Kannan( my PM) came over n v were discussing the release.. n i expressed my concerns about Alex for windows, the nth( remmba d 1, 2, 3..... n where n tends to infinity.. huh.. v used to do all dat in limits in math nai?? ) time !! n surprisingly.. this time it dint fall on deaf years... he asked me what do u think v should do... i said m tryin my best.. n hav;t lost hope.. stil wrkin on it... not dat it dznt work.. but yea.. its very messy.. i told him that... n he gave me pity looks.. n then i told him i ws js riting a mail to Debraj just now... may b he can say smthin that would help... n then Kannan said.. do uw ant to talk to Srimant? i said yea( he must've noticed that extra gleam in my eyes.. (Srimant is d only name dat could relax me when therz trouble with Alex !! ) neways... he said u carry on.. i'll se wat v can do.. n then he went n made a call n called me over.. n spoke to Srimant.. he laughed a lil.. n then i tld him what i had done n how it was behaving.. n dat damn heap error!! crtCheckmemory() crap ! man i hated it !! n then he asked what all i did.. n he told me.. then he said ur gettin that .. coz therz one more place where u gotto change the constant value... n i told him.. i've looked m not sure where... n he was awarre that its my first time with Alex for windows... then he asked me transfer the call to my desk.. n i took it over frm there. n then i gave him sm hints.. n he hinted me on smthings.. n bingo!! i found a value that genuinely required change!

heyy!! it even works well when i compile in d debug mode!! yippy!!

oh yea... back to where iw as... so i changed that value.. n was hoping n prayin it would work.. srimant had hung up.. after lisnin to my thank youz ( u know how i'd go wn m greatful ! ) n my damn damn damn system hung up!!! yea.. iad to restart n u know wat time it was then? .. it was 5.55 .. n i had a cross 5 mins or at d most 10... n i had to give that odc decor day ka bill to a girl on my way to d bus bay..... so i js compiled it n run .. n it seemd to wrk well.. i was surprised but obviously!! n thot i dint chk propoerly.. ni cudnt miss d bus either... so i rushed.. .. pushed everythin on my desk.. into my drawer n rusheddd.... i gave that bill to d girl.. n on my way kept wonderin.. was that true? i mean did i see it run well???
n suddenly.. i realised... my purse seems lighter than usual... hmm y is dat i wondered! n whn i digged into it.. to get my pass... i saw i dint have my wallet in there!!!!!!! damn.. where;d i leave it!! ...was it on my desk.. if i;ve left it there.. its gone fr evaaa.. n i;ve got money my debit cards my pan card.. my keys.. a million things in there!! all importanttt!!! n so i rused back... ( u know how long i have to walk to get back to my towerrr!! ) sheesh! it was bad.. n then all d way to d thrid floor( i got d lift luckily!! ) n then chked.. it wasnt on my desk.. then my drawer.. yeaaa.. it was in d secnd one... took it n rushhhhedddd back !!! n i almost almosttttt missed it !!!

neways... i had'nt got my fone recharged snce 5 6 days... yea.. lack of time!!! silly reason nai? but a true one indeeed... so i got that 75 ka tariff voucher.. that gives you a 49p/min to other mobiles n 30/p to hutch numberss... n another one for talktime... i went home.. changed.. n yea.. i had to call manso... first i had to call Shaalini( heyyy i heard shez gettin marrrieeeddd :) ) yea.. so i checkd dat number n recharged.. n know wat happende!!! hell damn hutch! i hate ittttttt.... on that 75 recharge thing.. iw asnt suppose to get any talktime.. but was suppose to have my tarriff rates changed.. but that dint happen!! what happened wassss.. i got a message sayiin thank you for recharging with 10rs. ur account has been credited with.. 8.. chillar.. n i went crazyyy... first i thot ook mistake.. i'll make a call n chk.. n wn i did.. it still cost me d same amount/min.. there was no change in tariff!! n i could damn do nuthin nuthin nuthinnnnnn bout it!!! n kept callin that cust care guy!! n finally gotto talk to one.. n he tells me.. ur data isnt reflected in our system madam.. plz get back later!! hellllllll ! i hate HUTCH FOR THIS!!!! n no i aint gona leave it dat way... gona call 'em again n sure will c to it that smthinz done!!


ahh off wid all dat... d point was... dat the morning is a good one.. n it is dat way.. coz i looge din.. n chekd again.. it really workss!!! :) n yea.. not js d release mode( dats wat Naidu suggested me to get rid of sm memory errors !) but also in d debug mode :)

pheww!! after long han.. nice to b back here.. wil go fill my bottle now n will get back to work sipping my cocktail.. n i got sm really gud songs to hear yest.. will carry on wid 'em :)

dum dum da dum dum da diiiiiii :) ( lol.. dats coz i dont know how to whistle :D )

i hope m not off this place for long now ;)

adioss!!

Ye safar bohot hai kathin magar....

Dil naa ummeed to nahi..
naakaam hi to hai....
lambi hai gham ki shaam...
par shaam hi to hai....

wah wahh.. kya baat hai nai!!!
courtesy: 1942 A love story

Stealing a lil time for myself

oh yea... dats exactly wat m duin.... i;ve never experianced being this busy... i hardly have time for anything anything any damn thing at all.. n sadly that includes what i love to do... how much i miss this place... jus last nite i was wonderin.. 'hum kis gali jaa rahe hain.. apna koi thikaana nahi' yea... that song is so much in sync with the current situation of my life... ! a few couplets were lingerin around my mind n i wanted to pen 'em down.. but :( i dont have the damn time!... wherz it goin...? isnt it suppose to be all mine...??? then how come i find nothing left for me ? :(...

yea i know m gona read this later.. n laugh again.. magar abhi? abhi ka kya? u know how pissed off i am??? m so pissed off that m typing so well widout any damn mistake.. n m hardly using the backspace key for anything... yea... i;ve have;nt atleast since i;ve started this post!! seee!! see dattt!!

lol yea.. newys... i jus hope hope hope.. n wish wish wish.. it goes well.. i know i shudnt take it all this way.. but yea.. the Tasneem that i am.. i jus aint use to anytihng less than good .. n i dont know y... so m kinda workin towards it... not that i dont tend to lose it in the middle of it... i jus go haywire n cranky.. n feel like yellin.. ( at d computer :D) lol yea.. but i dotn have a choice do i? its my work.. i have to do it :9 jus that i dint realise that time that it would be this way.... i dint realise when makin that estimate document... that i've alotted myself almost half the time of whats required.. n thats y i see myself left wid almost more than half d work whn d timez almost up.... therz so much to do...

but i know it has to finish... not that m expectin anythin good from finland.. infact m damn sure they r gona have a million things to say... arre bhai.. bacchi ke haath me dunya dediye to pareshaan nahi hogi kya???
abhi bhugto !!!
lol yea... dats gona be their condition!!
n d bad thing is ... althoug i informed Naidu that i aint goin very well wid alex for windows.. coz its d first time m workin on it.. n ire laly dont get d damn thing.. all he had to offer me.. was a word... ahh yea.. a thoughtful one haan... "Try" yea... dats all he told me... ! n i hated him for it.... it really wud be gud if he'd spend sm time helping me wid it.. magar naiiiii.. unko xcel sheets n outlook se fursat mile tooo naaaaaaaa !!!!

m neva gona be a pm!! i dont like 'em onee bit !

n yea.. did i mention.. that in d past few days.. i;ve thought of quitting wipro.. more than a 100 times.. out of whihc 80 times.. i was really really serious?!#$%^&*!!

signing off for longggggggggggggg
:) ... it cud'nt b widout a smile ! :)

(: N :)

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HAPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY































i jus wanted to shout really loud... but since i cant do it here at work... thot i;d put it this way :) :)



bubyee! :)

wait til u read this!!!

I wasnt in the mood of lunch... was goin through one of those many many .. ' not so ok ' work days.... so js hurried to d cafe after namaaz.. n gave my frndz company... n ya tuk a spoon or so ( wel ok.. may be a lil more than that.. ) n finishd lunch.. n our silly talks... n really really really wanted to eat a fruit n nut ( u know wat??? Ashwini asked m... what fruit n nut??? can u belive taht!!!! i asked her to jump off that floor!!) choclate yaaa.. cadbury kaa.. dairy milk ka bada sa sweet sa bhaii.. lol ok behen!! newayss... n yea.. uski bhi kuch sharten thi.. i wanted to have the whole thing widout sharing it wid any1... n aisa to nai hosakta wn u hav pppl on d table.. they;d grab it frm me :D .. n d other hting was.. i wanted it to b gifted.. not dat i dint wana buy one fr myself... magar gift kiya gaya choclateee.. :D.. dats got a diffrnt taste all together... ab mere dostan... itneeeeeee acche hote to kya baat thiiiii ( :D :D) ... neways... chucked the plan.. walked down to head towards.. well.. to head here... n who do i see on my way... Sowjanya!!!! she was in in my earlier team.. n last i heard of her.. she had gone to d US.. n she went like hiiiiiiiii.. n so did i... n gues uske hath mein kya tha????? CHOCOLATESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS... hehehe... n but obvious.. i was offered... n i was very gud enuf to take just one!!.. :D magar yummmyyy thhaaaa... caramel inside.. n choclate coated.. mmmmmmm mmmmmm.. it was a small one.. magar very richhh :)
mazaaa aagya!!!
nonetheless.. i jus wanted to say He always has that extra Hand of his shading me :) i think of it.. n its there for me... i cant thank Him less. :)
n so m not gona crib bout how my work is goin bad... i know its gona go well.. may b after a while... n He just gave me a sign tellin me... i just need a lil more perseverance.. n may b i shall conquer it ( hehe bhaari words hai.. conquer!!!.. hey.. but this damn thing aint any less for me.. it would literally mean "conquering" if m through with this.. abhi bacchi hun yaaa.. aisa kaam karwaye to mera kyaaa hogaaaaa!!!!! )

ok chalo bye! :D

Dimaag kharaab yaaro!#$%??*&%$

kya hai ye!! damn!
nuthin seemd to work fine aj... jo karrun.. dhang se horaich nai! :(
n dekho... che bhi baj gaye! i dotn wanna go home.. kuch to b karke jana tha... jao bhai!!! damn damn damn!!!
m so pissd off ki kya bolun !!!!!
kal bhi chutti hai !!!
ab wed aana....
kya hai ki bhai ye.. upar se May start hogya... mummmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :(

hogya time.. jarun!

hey Shonaa... dats on ;)

:( jaao yaaroo!! kuch nai work karra ye!! :(

i;ve been meddling with sm scripts subah se... nuthinz happenin... kya hai ki bhai! aisa nai hona!.. m movin towards a pissing off day.. n NO i DONT want to :(

it aint gud wn it dznt wrk.. :( .. but wats d point... it dznt work.. dats y m here.. n i gotto make it wrk :( booo hoo!

hai tujhe bhi ijaazat.. karle tu bhi mohabbat
in dinon dil mera
mujhse hai keh rahaa..
tuuuuuuuuuuuuu.. khaab sajaa...
tuuuuuuuuuuuuu.. jeele zaraaa.....
hai tujhe bhi ijaazat.. karle tu bhi mohabbat...
hai tujhe bhi ijaazat.. karle tu bhi mohabbat...

gud song yaa..

han.. d weeekend... !! :) :)
bohto accha raha.. hey.. was out after so long u know..
saturday nite.. green grass.. dark sky... few stars.. a smiling moon.. n under dat.. me walkin(bear footed.. d g haans was not geeli.. hoti to.. mazaaa aajata :) .. yea.. n n orange ball.. n my baby Rehan.. n yea.. now he kicks reallyy well :) hehe.. n not frgetting d chane bataane... yea was at necklace road( it still stinks there!!!! ) wid aapi n sam bhai n baj n rehan.. n had a really gud time! .. did i mention dat chana wala was cutting d pyaaz itna jaldi jaldi n itni choti choti.. hehe.. i cudnt wn i tried it next day.. lol...
sunday was nice too.. not much done .. but yeaa.. cleared my clset n had gud stuff made fr lunch :) n ... mmmmmmm accha tha.. n .. hey call....
yea.. janahai..
n meina ane ke baad naa... ye agar work nahi kara naaaaaaaa!!! to DEKHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :(

n haan.. kal chutti hai kate naaaaa?
:) i dinnoo dat yaa :)

tata!

weeeekend!! :)

bohot kuch hojara aaaj.. kaisa Friday hai??? Kiran called all the way frm Finland to tlak to me?? yaikss!! hehehe.. more on that... abhi titme dekhre!!! i'll miss d bussss...

adiosss!!!

amidst thermocol balls, balloons n ribbons.. its raining colors :)

Goshh.. i really gotto log this... i cant tell ya.. da feelin of wrkin.. ahh ok.. no one in work mood abhi.. :D ... my workspace is all colorful yaa... kitna accha lagra malum... its like.. umm well. i wish they;d allow cameras in here :( ...
its ODC decor day aj.. v've been trying to gear up the team to participate since yestrday.. n finally concluded.. its gonna be colors all all allll the way.... n d way passed on.. n my place was as rookha sookha as eva!! .. Sesi.. said he;d bring d decor stuff.. but.. unfortunatelyyyyy lol nai.. may be fortunate..( nuthinz unfortuante.. n if it is.. it wont happen.. haina :) ) han... so... v wernt gona do anythin.. until.. i started gettin calls... sayin.. u gotto do it.. n i started well.. pestering ppl here.. ( mera pestering kaisa rehta malum na?? lol lol.. hey.. its different wid my team han... u know.. utnaaaaaaaaa scene nai hai ;) ) yea.. so... murli smhow got convinced wn i said.. v can do smthin by 3 atleast!!... wo kya hai na... i was already kinda jealous when safa was describing.. dat they're odc luks very gud... n its all ballooonnnnnssss everywhereeeeee!! sonchoooo... workin among ballooonnnnnsssss!! kya baat hogi naiii?? hogi nahi... hai :D... filhaal m amidst colors n balloonss.. n ribbons.. n this n that.. n hey.. yea.. u know wat my monitor looks like???? hehe.. wil give ua briefin on dat..... u know those colorful thermacol ballss... yea.. bhaia ki shadi ke time.. sm packets were left.. i got up this mornin n threw those in my bag.. n i dint frget the thread either( fr d balloonns :) ).. dekhe... my bhullakkadness ( my my myyy,,, m messin up wid wrds sooo badly.. lol ) newayss!!...
yea so i got those.. n ordered glue from our stationary.. n .. its all colorful balls.. on my monitor... u know.. outlining my screen.. ... yea i cant stop smilin.. lol.. newyass...
heyy .. i had my first ever client call aj :D
and.. aur kya kya hua... mmm
aj na.. is Srimant's last day.. yea.. he sent a bye bye mail.. very helpful banda yaa.... not gona start bout him now.. i'll take another more than half page :)
khair.. abhi me the very the very the happyyyzzz( lol lol hey... keets is still on her trip.. singapore malaysiaaa nai.. maldives tha shayad wo... ya.. mauritious??? heheh pata nai... i always mess up with those three places.. n my geography....

lol lol lolll loll.. dont ask me y m laughin... i js had to move to get those.. ahh well.. they called 'emsleves judges... to c our.. well colorful wrkspace....
neways.. i know it aitn all taht gud in comparison to d others.. na... wil be bakkkkk
na neva mind.. missd 'em.. my whole team is gayab.. pata nai kahan gaye.. newas.. chalta.. yea.. so where was i.. heyyyyyyyyy.. THEY named our team shyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! ye team.. aur shyy.. mashAllah SubhanAllah hai ye log.. lol.. yea.. smtimes m glad... although.. its d .. well.. d typical telgu atmosphere here... m no much more ok with it.. :)

khair.. heee.. i hope this stays longer.. waiseeeee.. Jumma hai.. i remmber.. how i spent my last friday... n it makes me just thank Him all the more.. simple things... take you to the depth of life... you smtimes need to get to d bitter part of it to njoy d sweetness life has to offer.. khair.. hogya.. n m glad its donee.. :)

waise.. i;ve got work yaa.. :(... n m duin gud wrk asjkal :) .. i js hope it lasts... nah not the work... the feelin of work... feeeeeeeeeeeling reminds me!!!!!!! ... toooooo much hora yaa ab to!..

but there aint no point :D ... ia int gona shut my blabbering for anything haina... coz its for me dat i rite.. .. n waise.. i got this lil teeeny weeny.. thingy ( hehehe.. oxford walo ko padhana mere blogs!! ... they sure wud wanna add all this into their dictionary :) ) .. yea.. so the 'thingy' lol lol.. yea.. it was like... ummm... bhulgayi.... damn..
hey.. pata nai.. outlook ko kya hua.. :( its offline.. n d online enabling option is disabledd.. n .. han.. yaad aaya... wait call.... ahh missd one...
ya.. to thingy ye tha.. ki.. na.. janedo...

wil get bak wid coktail baad asar!..
nah.. not here... bak to my.. colorful .. hehe workland!!..

Maassalaama!

editing attendence!!

hey.. m jus bak from a meetin... know wat Naidu told me after dat meeting.. he came to me n said.... those remainders for that attendence dat ur gettin.. js go edit ur attendance.. know wat dat means????? i dont miss out on leaves:D
sweet naii????? i was wonderin.. ehh.. is this d same guy i messed up a lil with earlier bout dat wrkshop.. ahh i remmbr wat happnd then.. ahhh...
blaa neva mind..
Gayatri buggin me for tomoroz decoraiton...

n yeaa... i dont think i had any fruitful wrk done fr d day yaa.... was js tryin things out.. but yea.. i did s quality work... ahh well but none of it really gave worthwile output.. ( now dont ask me y i call is quality work then)

newaysss

byee!!

He jus left a smile on my face :)

Its just another morning i thought.... was up by 5.30 done wid namaz n my recital.. then i thot... therz a lil more time.. not a quick nap :D... n dat quik nap became a long nap.. n i got up at 7.. havnt wasehd my clothes since long.. coz of those hospital visits n all.. took me long time to pull out smthin to wear... did all dat very quickly..n ditn have time fr breakfast.... but luckilyyyy.. there was a little left from that loaf of bread nanima brought for mumma yesterday.. so i took a slice n spread sm jam over it.. n put anothe rslice over dat one.. n started my.. well hunt!!.. i cudnt find d aluminium foil until 5 minutes.. n it was already 7.35... grabbed n old newspaper( kal ka hi tha ) n folded it n wrapped dat bread in it n threw it in my bag.. n oh damnnn!! dat reminds me!!! i frgot.. sheesh... ammi's socks!! da doc gave sm muscle toning socks( dats wat he called it) for mummaz leg... n wo pehnana i frgotttttt!!!!! damn!

nways.... ya... so.. i rushed n i was at d stop on time... infact d bus was late aj so i happend to stand there a lil longer than usual!... so i reached jayabhushan hosp.. n js a little left to its gate( wear is usually wait fr my bus.. ) i stood there.. n d damn sunlite was rite over my face i cudnt even luk dat end .. to locate d bus coming... n js in front of me.. i saw this :D :D :D :D very very decent lukin guy!!! yeaaaa!!! Lol... yea.. Tasneemz tlakin of looks :p ... so i saw this fella.. n js cudnt stop myself frm smiling!!.. i was like.. koi itne acche bhi hosakte... lol lol.. yea very funny i know.. m laughin too.. but trust me.. i ditn look for long.. but dat minute.. i was totally.. woo.. howww sweeetttt... he was u know.. ek dum neat.. n classy ... u know like they say.. handsome in d true sense of the word!! :D
i dotn really remmber d color.. but yea it was a lite shirt na dark trouser( d formal look) n he wore those spects dat added to dat... umm wat do u call it now... pata nai... jo bhi.. he was gud.. lol lol lol... n he was waiting witha back pack and n air bag... he was proabbaly waitin fr sm1 to join them for a journey... i think it was his mum in the car .. she lukd at me.. i ditn have a coice but to return it... neways.. i was waitin n he was waitin too.. nt hen another car came n he went wid his bags n sat int here.. n drove away :) .. n then my bus came n i sat n it drove me here... lol... n i cudnt stop smiling all my way to office...

have lotsa work fr d day...
not sure if i'll get bak here again.... wella tleast fr day... but yea... u never knoww.. :)

adioss :)

n hey... i dint mention dat his car no. was AP9 6829 .. lol... lol.. dont be surprised.. not dat i noted it... it js flashed beofre me.. wats surprising is... i remmber da number although am terrible at it... lol lol lol

the damn acroRd32 process!

i hate this , i hate this, i hate this , i hate thisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

js dis mornin i was talkin how work has all suddnly become so magical for me.. i js try it.. n it happenss... n it happens well.... alas.. that "bhram" of mine had to break.. i finishd mornin cofee n got bak.. i see it aint wrkin as it was yest.. i strggled since mornin... since morninnnnn n i cud do nuthin.. rushed rushedddd fr lunch n dint allow d otherz to eat theek se either.... n got bak.. n went to srimant askin fr help.. he gave me no option.. i dint wanna do this... but i had to.. i had to undo d whole damnt thing.. dats been wrkin terrifically... to track dat damn error... then! when i undo it what do i see!! d damn things still dznt wrk.... then i tell srimant.. n know wat he said.. ooooooo... d problem is .. n extra process must b running in ur task manager.. chk it.. n delete it.. DAMN!!!!!!!!! wo stupid stupid stupid chini mini si process ke liye.. kya hua yahan u knowwwww... mummmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.. mere ... itne din ka kaaam.. hell.. d whole damn requiremnt damn it!!!
i gotto start frm... scratchhhhhhhh.... i do hav a bakup.. magar fir bhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
uwaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

will get bak in a while!

kya hia bhai ye!!!! :( :( :(

i js tried wrkin wid d backups now... ab ye nai kaam kara na! to dekho mein kya kartun!!!! :(

gifs clearmake :D
alexserv build successfull... :D
alex_win32 build.. :D :D .. ye bhi successfull...
ab zara ruko.. meku dekhnedo..

ohh i frgot it was here :D
han to d outcm was bad
i fixed it.. again it was bad.. i fixed it again... it was again bad.. n i fixd it again...
n abhi... kuch kuch theek hai....

but yea.. 1 think i learnt... u keep a backup of d whole damn file if.. jus a "space" is what d change u;ve made in it!!!! (err xaggeration i gues.. cz there sure is a "ignore space" option :D)

n another think i learnt... dont always think u;ve made a mistake jus coz things suddenly dont work... it usually is d rong thing ur treating... :( i js had to undo all d wrk i did coz i thot i made sm mistake smwhere.. but it was sm other silly prob.. ehh.. neva mind....
atleast m better by asar time... n in d mean while i fixd a bug whihc i dinno existed( d bug sure was introduced bye me haan.. :P)

neways... very mixed feelings fr d day... gadbad bhi horahi hai... acche cheezen bhi bohot ho rahe hain.. i heard this song.. n i went like.. arre.. ye lyrics toooooooooooooooo..... n ya.. there they were.. n i smiled...

han to wo pdf ka prob wahin atka hai... Srimant came to my desk n gave sm awee n wowz( u shud c his expressions n d way he talks.. its sooo cute u know!! hez frm orissa.. n hez like a... umm welll.. yea .. a teddy bear.. :D hehehe.. yea.. hez got this.. wierdly stupidly cute accent.. n wateva he says to Tharak(dats another guy in d team.. ) makes me laugh... ahh.. hez goin now.. :( m gona miss his silly talk( it wud neva b direct... he;d aalways attack Tharak or sesi.. n smtimes kalpana... but he;d make all d otherz laugh... ) n more importantly.. for his technical expertise over Alex.... kya hoga ALex ka Srimant ke bina.. i dunnoo... hmmm... i missed thier ( Debraj left already.. ) farewell lunch n gayatri;s bday get together... wasnt in d rite frame of mind for it waise...

we had a meeting scheduled fr d day... got postponed :D yet again... earlier it was postponed cz i wasnt available ( :D) n naidu bhi i guess... today i dunno y it got postponed.. but yea... it did.. not sure for gud or bad... n srimant seemd more worried than us.. not sure why.. hehe...

newyas.. may b more on this....

Laterrrzzzz......

When you care...

When you care, ur there..
When you care, u share...
When you care, you stand by them, although they never stood
when you care, you miss them..
when you care, you wish bliss for them..
When you care, you may not say..
when you care, you sure will stay..
But when you dont, it aches..
'coz once you did, so it later hurts....

The Bad road.. to... ummm.. the right place...

i wudnt be exaggeratng by callin it nightmare... but know wat d gud thing bout nightmares are? they are done as soon as ur up from sleep... n u aint gona sleep for very long rite :)

it isnt gud to lie on a couch staring at ur mum( for a change... peacefully sleeping[cz of d sleepin pills she'd been given...]), in the darkness of the nite, waiting for the morning "not to come" for some moments... n for it "to come" veyr fast at other moments....

it isnt gud to walk frantically.. outta d operation theatre( it luks gud only in movies.. when d hero or heroine is in there and they are sure to walk out wid a smile .. )

it isnt gud to wait for soemthing to end as desperately as ever.. especially when it takes double the time... and during those few hours.. the damn clock hands just dont move!

it isnt good to c ur most precious being's eyes wet coz of pain.. and she still smiles so as not to show shez really in pain...

it isnt gud to have sleepless nites (sleepless in d very very true sense) wishing for wishes to come true and wishing for other thoughts not to come true.

its difficult to smile in such time... it more difficult not to smile ... coz one thingz for sure... u anyway aint gona cry( cz u cant... u shudnt.. all fr d gud reasons though.... )

it isnt gud to c her broken n with a thought that things wont be ok again...

but u know... thats when you hav to b at ur magical best... you wudnt imagine... u grow by ages just within moments.... n that.. is coz ur Lord wants it that way for you. you dont realise it then... but when you do.. you can not thank Him less... for all the pain given, so the little things later can bring really big smiles...

she walked yesterday... and she was in terrible pain, she told me how could this happen.. i just looked... n made her sit... i told her... v WILL walk tomorro mum... and today she did :) and the pain wasnt as much as earlier...

they are gona discharge her tomorro InshAllah...n she'll take sometime to be good... but one things for sure.. she'll improve by every passing day... so its not gona be a tiring journey after all..

and He cudnt c me that way... so He put in that extra personal touch of His for me.. that He usually does... and this thing i've been wrkin on... since those stressful days... seems to show gudy results.... i think i can do it... :)

i am still blue... but may be a lighter shade...

Seems liks its been long.. but i really dont think so.. coz m not very sure if days are jus rushing too fast or is it that m missin out on smthin.... sometimes i also feel times movin too slow... n i bein put thru a lil more than what i shud have been...
riddle talk has seemd to have become more of an "aadat" of mine... than a style that i usually thought i'd carry off well.... not that its adversely effecting... blaaa neva mind..

ya.. bak here... its building... doesnt take much time... but even seconds are important nowdays... neways... they wanted me to head home from hosp... d docs came over n did their chek ups.. n surprisingly( not really... ye doctors ki fitrat se nafrat hote jari meku! [i know dats js a a sign of.. wel wateva] ) n d cardiac said.. hez ratign it a high risk surgery... v had another round of thought... frantic calls... thoguhts to withdraw frm d hosp n chuck d damn idea of s surgery... they were all in everyonez minds... baba me n baj...

d build must b dn... i'll get bak.. voila! succeeded!... lol pathetic outcome( d toolbar luks...eeeeeeeeeeks n yaiks n blaa n.. hey.. i messd it up!)... i'll get bak in a while... ya... buildin again... so where was i... ya.. d risk bit...

then d nuero guy came again... n said it in 1 line... its high risk.. u wana go fr it he asks me!.. i give him d wierdest ever luk he cud have ever got frm a pateint's attendant!.. newyas... he says... if its not effecting her life very much v;ll go fr it.. n i xplained( veyr very patiently!!!) that it sure is, shez in immense pain n dats y v r here... he js said.. wil discuss n get bak.. n i lukd at mum... n mum lukd at me.. n she laughed... thn i laughed( i aint sure y)

the other lady in d room ( i dint mention rite... v dint get a single room... apolo is full of patients... v had to delay admission coz of it.. n finally got a shared room... wid n old lady.. she expressed her concern whn d doc said high risk.. (ther r sm curtaisn dat make it luk like.. two rooms.. so she cud obviously hear d conv... .. ) build up.... hold agian! damn! error!!!!!
fixed it... but it stil dznt luk very gud...

neways.... wat m i duin here? d surgery was scheduled fr today.. but they said no cz mum was on asprin n asprin makes d blood thin( not sure how i shud say dat.. m refering to d consistency of d blood) welld ats required fr sm ppl fr sm reasons( dont ask me wat... i have a very vague idea but dnt wana put it here.. wat if sm1 cmz across this n reads it n uses this piece of not so authentic information... nah... not fr anotherz life!)

ohhh i totally frgot i was here... ahh wandered off frm d page.. neways... hey d toolbar luks better.. in place... messd up wid d functionality though :D

neways... i dnt wana scroll up to read wat i was riting n where i left b4 i wandered away frm dis page.. but... js wana tell myself.... i know things will be fine.. very soon... they have to... THEY DONT REALLY HAVE A CHOICE! i aint given them any.. :(

i'll talk of one gud thing.. n one bad...
the anaesthciologist( m damn sure i spelt it rong!! ) gave sm time n xplained mum wat he meant when he said "high risk" mum likd it... n asked.. r u gona b there tomoro? he smield n said yes... she was relieved :)... words make so much of a difference... this is just one of d million xamples... kind words, gud words, concern... they r so important to make urself realise how human u r... u realy cant live widout it... d other docs i tell ya... i shudnt b sayin it though.. but i cant help it.. i wudnt hesitate terming their behaviour barbaric!! communication... one very very very important factor in dat noble profession.. n i feel sorry.. the docs today LACK IT!!! n m not tlakin of js anothr hosp... this onez supposedly d "most trusted" name in healthcare.. all over the world!! ....
neways.. i was gona tlak of d gud n d bad hting...
ya so m wid mum all d while in d hosp rite.. so d docs interact wid me... n dis one.. d anaesthesia( i think this onez spelt rite) doc... was xplainin to me too.. n thn my sister made it just in time.. n he was tellin her d same hting.. n my sis expressed her concern over the not so gud treatment.. ( d communi gap basically) that v recievd frm d docs... n so he said.. its js dat thery r too bz.. but d gud thing is.. i see u ppl are verry intelligent.. i must say ia m impressed by your language.. he had asked me wat i do.. i said i am n engineer.. n expressed his appreciatin to d fact that i wasnt blank bout d medical stuff either.. u know sm med stats i gave him n d guy sort of though oh.. she knowz quite much.. but then... later he added.. i seriously appreciate d way you are into this n understand it fairly well when comapred to d others from ur community ( he said dat wid a " m sorry to say" clause) .. i js lukd on... so dat wz d gud n bad thing...

movin on..... i was gettin calls n mails n sms frm all my frnds.. even acquaintances( cz i've sort of kept myself off everythin since quite a few days now) but i was waitin fr this one frndz call.. wich i dint recv .. :(

neways... baba wanted me to go home n rest fr a while.. ir eally dinno wat i;d do at home... so persuaded him to drop me to wrk... so was here at 1... wil head bak to hosp..

n i cudnt find a better way to .. well.. yea.. relax... ahh.. err ya... lol dat sounds funny i knwo.. relax by wrkin...
n therz a lot on d work sphere( they cancelled a meeting coz iw asnt available.... i liked d importance for a while.. but m scared bout d responsibility that i'll have to shoulder...).. i'll get dat out once m thru wid this..... but ya one thing i realise.. i feel m a lot more stable tahn i was fourteen days back ...

neways...
ciao!

longing to post a cheerful one...

Was walking in a hurry... it was past 7.40 am, i was most likely to miss the bus(i actually did miss mine.. moved to another stop n thankfully got d other one there..) i was rushing... n a little boy there.. ( i walk to take n auto to reach d stop) n he asked... "Baji aj aap moo nahi dhoye?" n he smiled at me... i js smield n said.. dhoyi n nodded my head... may b my eyes r swelled up or smthin cz of... neva mind...
..i dont have a choice... i cant keep it within, it hurts.. more than i think i could i handle... i need to get it out n place it orderly.. so i can use my mind to for a sensible approach to it... a paranoid behaviour wont really do...
i dont scribble here.. i wont undstand... may b i;'ll rite it.. thn read it.. then undrstand.. and may see a better way out...

i;ve been to every hospital i could have with baba n mum... its all confusions.. they dont know what.. and more so.. v cant decide... surgery or not... what the hell are htey for? i hate doctors... i;ve known some of them in this little time.. n i see them no less than butchers.. inhuman people practicing their profession... dats d whole game out htere.... outta all i;ve been to... may js 3 have shown a genuine response... i hate them all..

hez a spine surgeon... i was convinced... earlier.. i wasnt one bit for d surgery.... later i thought this was it.... Akhil Dadi.. hez d doc for my mom i thought... a new morning showed me a different perspective.. n v( me n baba) have been meddling with thoughts... trust me.. totally lost in it... i ws sure last nite.. its 90% surgery tomoro morning... i thought v'll go by instinct now.. have had enuf of it... she has to be relieved of the pain.. therz no delaying... no second thought anymmore... its just not helping her.. none of us can see her that way... got up morning... thought v'd b goin for it.... baba had another thought this mrning... he was awake wn i walked down to see.. i asked are v going.. he asked me to sit... n said... v;ll go to Alok Ranjan once... he said that yesterday too.. i did not agree.. i dont wanna take mum to apollo after dat neurologist cold response day before yesterday... i dont trust them one bit... and its devastating to think of having her operated with a doc from that departmnt in apollo ... but baba says v;ll try....... call... ghar se tha....
neways.... until last nite... i thot tomoro morning m gonna b at Yashodha secunderabad... gettin mum ready for d surgery... since ia m here... posting this... i relaise the Lord dint want it that way... and this is somehting i really relied on.. i wanted the right way to be shown... may b m being led... may be we are being led.....
it isnt that baba isnt convinced about Akhil Dadi... but yea he did have some doubts.. coz he luks like a young guy... but i happened to read bout him.. in sm news clippings on d noticeboard in dat hosp.. that read he was a spine surgeon whoz done more than 300 of such surgeries.. n is also good at joint replacements... dad candidly asked him... n he was kind enuf not to overreact.. ns aid i so 2 - 3 such surgeries ina month..

i dont know.. i aint sure... leaving thigs to happen... instead of turning them around to make them work... may b leavin them to allow them to work will help...

work is piling up too... i dont know wats gona happen here either...

i really dont kno

when i feel i;ve got d grip over myself.. i realise i am losing it again....
y are things falling apart inspite my efforts....

wz ritin smthin here.. but.. js got a call... rushing home...

Crying, to lull myself to sleep!!.. Alhumdulilah.. not anymore..

ahh.. neva mind... i aint gonna continue that saga of bad days... i mean not in d day to day thing like iw as duin... it all js got messed up.. nt hen it all fell in place.. n i;ve started wrkin... n m movin slow... but m atleast moving!

wasnt at work yesterday.. i thought i;d come a little later after m done with mummy's doctor meetings.. but it wasnt destined to happen that way... ( notice the heavy words m using? "destined" .. i aint d kind to use words loosely, nope.. not one bit... i dotn use such meaningful words js bout abywhere.. m sort of surprised i've started using thm... (not loosely though) they just seem to fit the context these days..)

neways... i js thought d ortho is gonna zero in on the surgery and give us some instructions for the next follow up... it dint turn out thatw ay... he ruled that out... ( i gave a sigh of relief.. but still there was a doubtful linger in there... ).. but he still wasnt sure.. i kept enquiring to wateva extent i can get my biological knowledge in use... he said we cant conclude now.. its just dat v dont need a surgery... dats not the only problem she has.. we need to further diagnose it to understand what really is causing all that.... he xplained.. and i understood that it was js not the disc problem.. it ought to be somehting else too.. like he said... n so we were forwarded to the neurologist... this took quite sometime! u know how its at NIMS! we had to take a token... n to take dat it took us 1 hour... we got a token .. wich read '60' and i asked that guy.. he said.. 21 is goin on!.. ... ammi was already restless.. but baba insisted v;d consult here before goin to any other neuro... the 45th patient was bein checked... my dad smhow got d attender shift our number to another neuro.. n we went in... the lady dint undstand hindi!! she was telgu speakin.. n i went damn! .. thankfully she knew english... she lookd at d MRI n all.. n said its a plain disc issue... i explained to her what i understood from the orthos diagnose.. and told her.. that he said it couldnt be just dat... coz d report definitly does show a slip disc.. but it isnt as severe as the pain mumma describes... n her leg's numb too.. she checked her up.... n realised her flexes have reduced... she dint want to say anything.... she said smthin like.. 'lumbar.... n smthin with p' i ditn undstand it... i asked her for a better xplanation.. n she gave me one.... but she still said i m only suspecting that... v'll get this test done n then v'll consult a neuro surgeon she said..... dad n Tahseen must hv taken her there today.... for that test.... i hope atleast they can diagnose it well n zero in at smthin so they can start treatment.... i sitll have to meet mom's homeo doc... i thought i;ll do it with all the reports... mumma somehow seems to rely on that doc more than the other docs... n so do i.... thats one doc i like... i hope things fall in place... i used to hold Amma( my grandma) to help her walk all the time... mummy used to temme its good , you must help her this way.. kab kaunse waqt dilse nikli dua qubool karta Allah u neva know.. she;d say...... n Amma is fond of me.. a lil more than she is of my younger sisters.... but it isnt good to do the same thing to my mother..... i mean i never imagined i'd ever have to... i don like seeing her this way...

and thats just one chapter of the whole story... there are too many other things going on that are messing life up.... u know like they say.. the time of adversities... yea... d rite phrase perhaps... but what i am glad about is... dat Alhumdulillah... i am out of what i should have... 10 days of sleepless sobbing nights.. not very good... i'll face it...

i just seem to sink into sadness with all such thoughts .. but hey.. dont pity me!.. i know these days are to pass... and they sure will....

work is ok... i mean i've made it ok... it seems like a meagre issue in comparison to what other things are happening.... although i have no idea what sort of relase this onez gonna be...i jus hope i figure out someway to do this... and to do it on time...

hmm i dint mention here... or did i?
i neva thought i;d be n inspiration( not really in the true sense of the word though..) i mean.. this girl in my team... the tech writer .. Gayatri.. ( sweet girl.. ) started riting.. i mean.. typing.. lol dat sounds funny... she said she was a regular diary writer.. but smhow dint find d time these days.... she saw me quite a few times bloggin.. n would ask... n she started riting too... not a blog.. but yea.. she does maintain a log.. :) n taht passed on to another girl here... her name also coincidentally is Gayatri( n shez cute :D) also started it.... so i kinda like... smiled at it.. n at myself... for .. somehow... i was involved in their initiative...

n ya... another friend... i dint know.. i was her best friend :) she told me that the other day.. n i was like.... realllyyyyy??? i dint know that... ( i dint say it to her though....) , i mean... i js knew her since d time i started workin here..... neways... she just dint say it to me... she made me feel that way..... she was really upset n confused... nah not upset.. confused... a sort of storm in her life.... yea... suddenly met a stranger n hez flat over her.. n even proposed to her.. n so she dint know what to do... n can you belive it.. she told d guy she'd want him tot alk to me... she tells me all this... when i am in my own silly world of (sorrow? damn Tasneem cant use such a negative word!!! ) n i jus give her surpirising looks.. n she dials d nuber n says.. le baat kar.. m like u nutssssss? she said u have to... to help me out pleasee.... n i thot well ok... n it seemd alrite... i guess they r lukin forward to a genuine relationship now... n this one is on of its kind.... may be the guy should rite a book.... "love in 7 hours" yea... aisa hi kuch hua... no more details on that... just thot i;d share this piece of astonishment( it sure was for me) with myself... so i could reminisce it later......

hmmm Radha ki shadi hai... n her last day today... another new guy in the team... i dunno his name yet..... i dunno.. CPI ka kya hoga...

And its a Friday... i know my Lord is listning to me

Continued...

8.36 am. and therez a huge huge hugeeeee queue out there at the gate.. i dunno y ppl r standin that way... n yea its a realllly huge crowd... the lines starts fromt he main gate and ends almost at he bus bay area!! n there are two lines(gender discrimination..lol but no priorities here han! ) i think koi walk-ins hain aj... .. hey... magar ek baat hai haan..... unko dekhke i was thankful... atleast m not there... i jus have to walk into wipro :)

so where was i ? Day 2 was done.. ?? ya .. done....

yesterday on my way home.. i was wondering... its been a not so good time then wyhy do i have to keep a log of this... n i jus answered it .... "to learn", and that made me realise.. i've moved a step ahead... i was of the kind... life comes.. u got to live it, that was all... these things make me realise... "this is how life comes" and u STILL have to live it ....

so day 3: .net installation to be done on my system.... iw as using the solaris compiler until now... n had got js a lil comfortable n confident in woring with it... n now m asked to move to .net( i m assured its very easy compared to what i have been dooing..) but its not bout tht u kno.. its bout being comfortable to work with( but damn! ye innovation naam ka keeda insan ko kyun kaat ta hai?? m no exception! i've had my taste of it many times.. n have it quite often! ) ... han back to d installation... it took me too much time.. well a whole day precisely!... n iw as worried.. when m i gonna start my work!... it was done... srimant helped me compile! and it was hell!!!!... he said therz some problem with your system Tasneem... conclusion? OS reinstallation! i went like.. wattt???(shudnt be a big deal... but d process one has to go through to get it done is... DONT ASK!)

day 4: calls logged, requests raised..... got d IMG guy come over finally... had sm meetings.. n all.. n thought i was done with it... was very very very very low this day... things ju seemd to worsen... nujthin wrkin well here... mum not feeling any better(doctor visits .. surgery.. slip disc.. cant walk... wats happening... these were like words js popping in my mind.. n i had to keep framing things to undstand what i am thinkin of... na ll this in the middle of bad work) .. installation was on.... i sepnt sm time wid gayatri n Bhagya.. they made me feel better :)... thats wn i realised.. i need to open up... neways... dat damn installtin dint complete that day.... the damn system got rebooted!! u know at what time??? 5.45... n d img guy said... i'll come n do it tomoro mam... n i went DAMN!!!!! returned home wid all this in mind... n home was no good either.... i dont even want to mention wats goin on there.. jus too many things.. jus too many..

will continue this later.. Safa waitin out for me.. for coffee... n wil get bak to wprk after that... .. hopefully wil steal some time from all of it n meet myslef here...

another missed call(safa ka )

Bye!

have to leave!! 6:10pm !!!!!!!!!!!

EnJoY??#!$%^&* (srimant said that to me a while ago)....man if they call this enjoy.. then this aint the place for me to be in!!! sheesh! the last week has shown me too too too many ups n downs... nah.. they were just downs!! n all of 'em seemed to compete in their depth!!! i dotn wanna say i went through hell... coz hey! this seems to be just just the beginning!! lol yea.... m hinting at d fact that i perhaps may have worse to see.... (noticed smtihn wierd? this is perhaps the veyr first time i am talking of an adversity with a tinge of laughter!! yea i really have to laugh at myself, this scenario, my situation.. everythin everythin!!!) yea this ha got one good thing related to it though... atleast am smiling(Dilse) yea... i know i've got a hard time coming up wid earlier patches already on... but... m jus getting used to well ok... "the bad" of work and some other things(this takin me a hell lot of time :( )

i havent been "working" yea... dats true... i;ve just been meddling around.. making frantic calls, and have been at my "upset best" ( i dunno if that makes sense.. i js meant to say i;ve been at my peak of being upset) and you know me! i wouldnt share a word with anybody :( ( dis is one thing i really need to change of me! ) and this made me relaise.. how important it is to share... yea.. i this process of down n down.. i realised... it maks things lighter to bear when you share (hey seee it rhymes.. heheh!) nah.. seriously... you js say it out.. n u feel better... its just the way the Lord has designed us... but yea the choice atleast lies with us....

day 1: meeting for work distribution... i sort of had n idea this was comin my way.. i did all the designing for it.. obviously they;d make me implement it ( a MAJOR requirement Ericsson is looking forward to int his release :( :( ... ) and that already sunk into me before it was officially declared to me... neways.. back to the meeting... i got what i expected... i said ok.. nex thing... Naidu further distributed the work items... Srimant at one point said.. No .. iw ont take it... let Tasneem and Soumendra do that.. i'll help them... ( i dint say a word.. i js kept sayint o myslef... wats rong wid him...) Srimant was very very very adamant bout it.. and so was Naidu(dats the usual Naidu.. hez very adamant bout everything!! ) n that gave me a hint... okkk Srimant is leaviing!! n i kept sayin... NO NO NOO this cant happen.. he cant go ... he cant leave that way.. he just cant go!! i cudnt imagine Alex without Srimant( by the way.. hez the module lead) but he didnt even declare it... so there still was hope... nah.. ur jus thinkin too much Tasneem, i told myself... y wud he go... he;'ll be tehre... d meeting finished.. srimant still said hez not doing it.... i dunno what happened after that.... srimant made frantic steps to get eveyrthing installed on my system... too many things... he was jus p[ushing all data on to my machine.. and there i was assured... TASNEEM!!!!! HEZ GOING!!!! my heart sank! wo chalagaya... to mera kya hoga!! i cant do it! hez been workin on ALex since 3 years now.. he knows the in n out of it.. n m here since 2 months.. js did a few things here and there thats all.... then??? what if they ask me to do the release this time?!?!?!?! nooooooo way!!!!! ....
Day 2: Srimant adds two more ppl in the team.... both no nothing bout Alex.. onez new guy.. and the other one was a part of our team b ut wrkin on a nother module... but fr alex.. he was a novice!! now i knew it!! yup.. they'll make me do it... they have NO OTHER GO!!! i still kept sayin nah.. hez not leavin( i am really bad at this.. i just dont wanna face reality!!!!! i dunno when m gonna change!!!! :( if i were some one else.. i'd slap tasneem n say idiot!! he really is leaving!!) neways..... Srimant sent a mail saying.. come to my table... v;ll have a session... n v started havin sessions bout how to do the releases( did i still need any assurance???? huh!!)

TO BE CONTINUED!! this is the fastes post i;'ve ever typed... and i dunno if i can compelte it... i;ve got loads of work... but hey.. ire slogged ( not really work but it was more of emotinal put down) to get till here!

Reached office @ 8.11 am

Good Morning!!!

this onez probably my first eva post ritten so early in d morning :)... Hamed( my cousin) got up early(before 7!!!! coz its a holiday n he wanted to njoy every bit of it! dumdum) and he saw me ready to leave... and said gimme ur office no. i'll call up n ask ... i am sure its a holiday.. y r u goin... i js smiled... he was so damn sure dat it wud be a hol (kuch band hai shayad.. i dunno.. scools colz closed... board xams also postponed) i started hopin too.. lol... as i walked my way through that lane to hire n auto... i saw kids running back home in joy... they shouted chuttttttiiiiiiiiiiii.... n wow... the ecstacy i saw on those naughty faces was overwhelming!!! what could be better than that.... u get up a summer morning.. n lazily dress up and finish breakfast cribbin n cryin and ur mom yelling at you to finish it all and move quick else you'll miss d bus.... and you go out.. n rush back home widin few minutes... yipppyy holidayyyyyyyy... they were jumpin yaa.. baji chutti haiii one of them said.. i smiled... n hoped again... i told mum... mummy agar aj chutti hai to mein ghar waapas nai aarun... m gona hav fun today.. mein movie dekhne jarun i told chachi.. ans she said.. movieeeeeeeeeeee? i said chachi.. itne saal scool college aur ab kaam.. ek baar bhi doston ke saath movie nai dekhi.. sharam nai aati aisi bhateeji pee!! lol n we laughed... i thot i'd call up a frnd n go meet her.. its been long and v sure wud cook up a good or a good for nuthin plan.. lol...
i kept waitin at my stop... this time.. waiting for the bus "not to come" .. traffic was comparatively lesser than usual too.. my hopes js became more optimistic neways... it wznt dat i was gona b sad if it wd come.. but i sure wud b happy if it wudnt :D
i waited.... hoping that my wait wudnt end... but it did... n d bus came.. so i said ok.. neva mind...

newyas ... even in d bus.. i mean js as it reached office.. isaw there were no other buses... n js as we passed the gate i saw two ppl.. walkin away frm their tower towards d gate.. i started hoping again.. lol... as i waled to reach upstairs at my cube.. i kept hoping.. i dunno y i kept hoping that log though... lol...

neways... i;ve to get bak to wrk...

adios :)
m hopin i'll have a nice day InshAllah :)

A silly'ly, dumbly, stupidly welcomed surprise

well.... i still admit it was.. umm err.. dumb!!!!

my fone rang, it was n office number, i thot it must be one of Firdous or Rehmath pinging me to move for namaz, i took the call.. it was Safaa, she asked me to move fr namaz widout her, she'd join me for lunch... i said ok.. n hungup.... the fone rang again(widin less than 5 seconds), i said han Safa bolo( it was d same no., i noticed!!) and on the other end... i heard "Kaun hai ji" and man that tone was pathetic!!!!! i lukd at d number again... yeaa it was d same one safaa called from... i thot iw as dreaming... i put d fone to my ear again... and said hello... and again i hear a "kaun hai ji" (dat accent yaa... i wish i cud putit here.. i'd say it xactly dat way to show you how it went!!!) n i thought... huh!! wipro mein aise log bhi hain... ... so to dat second kaun hai, i asked.. ap kaun hai... and i again heard the guy on d other end say smthin wierd , i wz... umm well yea a lil scared... but yea i did assume it must hv been one of hutch's blunders that they usually commit.... i recheckd d number.. and hung up finally!!

then i got another call... i looked closely at my mobile... it was again n office number.. i took the call, thankfully.. it was Rehmath dis time.. and she said she'd meet me downstairs wid Firdous.. i kept thinkin.. n then frgot bout it...

Finished namaz.. and moved for lunch.. Safaa was alread waitin for me outside her tower.. seems like she was verryyy hungry... so v js walked.. n then had lunch.. and there she tells me... oh Tasneem.. that one on the fone was Gyaan(dats how its pronounced, but its spelt Gnan, i dunno y... i js happnd to see it smwhere)... i had frgotten bout it (lol yea in such a short period!!!! y else do u think eveyone calls me a bhullakkad!!) i went all red... n grrr .. n eeeeeekks.. Safaa.. u know it was sooo dumb.. i was gona ask you... who it was on the fone from ur no. and she js laughed... and i was still pissd off..... n she was like.. "its ok .. he was js kiddin... and he said.. oh she hung up.. dint she recognize my voice.. and dznt she know we b oth r on the same project... " n to that i js told her how exactly he said it.. and she laughed again.. i cudnt obviosly belive that sm1 in wipro wud talk like that.. lol.. neways... it was very wierd then... now its very funny..

we had lunch... i was js about to finish and i saw Gyan there... wid Sudha... i gave Sudha that silly smile i always give her.. and she waved,a t that Gyan lukd and i gave him a look( i cant describe dat one!) and he laughd.. n i laughd too...

later he came to our table.. and said you were really scared.. i said.. well... ( i cudnt say yes! :D its too stupid to b scared by a silly call.. i know...) and he asked.. you were? and i went.. umm ya.. it was very funny n wierd!! and he laughed n everyone else did too :) and then he removed a choclate from his pocket (crackle.. yummm :D) and he gave it to me.. and i went :D thanx!! but i was too puzzled for all this.. and asked.. what for, he said you got scared like a kid so a choclate... smthin like taht... and the rest of the ppl on his table kept staring at me and the choclate.. n i kept lukin too.. it was wierd.. they stared at me.. then i thought... oh kuch gadbad hai... and i lukd at the choclate, Gyan was still smiling, i askd.. choclate hi hai?? he said haan.. n Anwar also said han.. kholo to sahi.... n sudha too lukd at me wid dose anticipating eyes.. and i was all the more worried.. ki kya hai ismee!!! i dunno... they kept staring all the while.. and iw as all the more curious... n one of 'em said.. nuthin.. v jus wanna see you relish it... n my mind went.. o oo.. i h ope these guyz dint see me having that choclate muffine yesterday.. mmmmm kya tha malum.. n i njoyed every every every "crumb" of it... to kahin... ye log.. uspe to hint na karre the.. lol.... neways... it was sealed... dint seem tampered with.. i opened it... han sahi salaamat hai choclate andar i declared.. and they still were loooking at it... and they asked me to take a bite.. d wierd thing was .. they wanted me to do it right there.. lol.. its funny thinking of it now.. n riting bout it... neways... i opened it.. n Anwar gave me wierd looks again.. i toook a bite.. it was fine... and then they all went like.. haaaaaaa... ab hame bhi do! loll!!... i tuk a cube.. and handed it to sudha... she lukd and said.. js one??? i asked her to share that one cube with alll... n there was a roar of laughter... lol....

had a nice time :)

and have to get abk to work now !!... wo clearcase firse dumm karra meku! i dunno y therz a problem all d time when i do a check out!!

neways... will wrap it up here!!

ciao!

and haan... a very dumb title js popped in mind.. for htis one!! lol... my english is goin haywire!

My Autumn of Thoughts

Seems like a season of thoughts
i close my eyes and see it all flash

that gate we'd walk through
that ramp we'd walk down
those endless stairs..
and those technical fairs

there were things always on our mind
but we had each other to unwind

those silly fights
and those samosa bites
and with it a pack of frooti or appy
that was all required, to make us happy

and how about that internal exam tension?
cramming stuff in that little two hour break session??

those chirpy talks at the bench
those rains in which we were totally drenched
the money calculation that we would do
those auto fights were so much fun too

I know its all about reminiscing now
and yes on that i sure can vow
that was time beautifully spent
not a word of regret and no lament.