memory to philosophy...

"Do you see me as a resource that comes free to you in the name of friendship?" ya.. dat was the most bitter thing i had ever said to anyone... it was long time ago.. i had said dat to one of my most dear friend coz i was hurt n i was expected to help in a meaty issue and behave like nuthing had happend, not that i did'nt want to help.. but hey..i dont like bein taken granted for.... i still remmber those words jus as i had said them.. n hate them just as much... but ya.. the guilt isnt as much.. coz the words wernt taken seriously... the recipient dint seem to care.. so atleast m off the guilt dat i hurt sm1 wid those bitter words...
what we say is so important.. we still use words loosely.. i am usually veyr careful about what i say... but smhow..u know an angry mind jus yells out...
"words" are losing thier essence as time passes.. wat is said is forgotten, nuthingz usually registered in the mind.. it jus takes a single way .. u know.. in thru one ear n out frm the other.. but dats bad... when sm1 says smtihng.. its important for them.... n they see it important even for the person they are talking to.. listening skills is what they name it now... n pack it up all to showcase it as an 'advantage/skill' that will take you places.. but isnt that something minimum required of the human ettiquettes that we supposedly possess??

hey.. i managed that well eh?? started off wid smthin dat js clikd n.. moved on to.. ehmm well.. philosophyy.. errkkk.. but hey.. i still maintain its n issue worth pondering over.. atleast i will, whn i read dis smtime again.. :)

signing off... :)

ur this ur dat ur marzi ur everything!!!

Its no fair you know, when one cares.. one cares.. when ur askd to prove it.. it hurts... i;ve always put things this way... if u cant do smthin dat another person likes.. atleast dont do things they'd dislike... it always happens.. i dont want to do things another would want me to... dats not d stubborn side of me.. i jus wudnt want to coz of sm silly reason... may b coz i havnt earlier done it, or dont find it rite or dont like to do it... then y cant it just b that way... i dont expect ppl around me to do things i like, all i expect is a little consideration only to accomadate things into thier comfort zones... never out of it... then y dz this side of of it hav to b highlightd.. smtimes wid taunts( u really dont realise whn ur taunting a person.. only d person whoz at d recieving end knowz wat its like.. trust me! u;d neva know whn u;v tauntd sm1 n they'v felt bad about it) smtimes with labels.. ya.. may b not direct.. but indirect.. to finally make u feel.. ya.. ur stubborn n this aint gud, ur selfish n this aint gud, ur self cntered n dis aint gud, ur hard hearted and this aint gud, ur stone hearted n dis aint gud.. n finally u dont hav a heart.. n this aint gud.... the crudest of humans wud breakdown on such thots about them.. n ppl think it dznt effect.. it dznt matter.... all this.. jus coz.. u suposedly possess wat are called "principles of life" and (mind you this term is also something sm1 else imposes on you ) ur ways of doing things, ur thots, ur feelings.. and in all this.. the "thots" and the "feelings" are stolen of all the limelight and all credit goes to "ur"... y is it always u...and you are again told "ur this ur dat ur marzi ur everything"... i ask Y NOT?? when you care... you share.. smtimes u cant .. u jus cant.... i ask again SO WHAT!!??

this onez jus fr u Shubha

u neva know yaa. u jus neva know... jus a lil while ago iw as so pissd off... i hated everythin around me.. this place this cube this sys.. wanted a damn break.. frm duin "nuthin" n its d end of d day.. n here..i get these dilbert cartoons from shubha.. n man i cudnt stop laughing.. n hey.. m all smiles at d end of the day... n bhook bhi lagri n ghar jaane ka time bhi.. see it all ends soo well.. wid pals like shubha around.. life is colorful :)

loggd this jus to reminisce how u made my day dear Shubha. m glad ur my friend sweety :) thanx a tonne :)

17Jan'2007, subah7.20 se lekar abtak ki daastaan

well the title meant-"17 January'2007, my tale from 7.20am till now"

"Tasneem uthoooo tumaku office nai jana hai aj,7.30 hogaye?"(Tasneem, get up! dont u have to go to office today, its 7.30 already) my sister yells at me, n i pushd d blanket off my face to see therez lite all around.. n i feel.. heyy!! its morning already... n as i fidgetted to find my phone around my pillow, a look at it made me go crazy! IT REALLLY IS 7.20... damn i leave home at 7.30 every day n i;ve got js 10 minz...had no time fr anything but a wash n to slip into wateva clothes i cud put my hands on.. n i rushed downstairs since it was 7.35 already.. well managed to reach d bus stop on time.. n was in office again in no time.. although its a long journey, i really dont know y it ends up so soon.. expecially when i dont want it to...

no breakfast either.. ahh i was soo hungry... anywyz managed a 'masala omlette' here.. which he gave me after i was thru wid all my patience level.. i dunno y it tuk him so long for 1 omlette..(atually uski galti nai hai... he had too many orders already, but hey!! sabko aj hi omlette order karna tha kya.. whn i was hungry!!!) blaa.. managed to grab a bite.. well.. quite a few onez actually.. n thn got bak to my cube wid my cup of cocktail.. n hav been well pretty much lazing around since then... well.. not dat i dont hav wrk(waise sach poocho to aj sachme kam nai hai :) ) neways... d barbeque at d farm fotos were appreciated :) .... geee.. js dat i cud wile away some time mailing 'em to my frndz :) hmmm n thn it was lunch time... moved to d cafeteria aftr namaaz, n i saw no familiar face there... well actually i did.. js dat i dint find myself comfrtable enuf to join 'em fr lunch... so got bak... n here goes... again i think m hungry n overwhelmed by ennui.. i sit typin watevvaz on my mind... i wish i really can, smday, put down watevvaz in my heart jus as effortlessly as i do this...

neva mind..
m off it fr now...

adios!!

:) aye haaye :)

as if i jus needed a bahaana!!!!!! Patrick Ostman's visit to wipro probably aint all dat imp to him( nah it actually must be) than it was to me.. not that i knew it would be this way!! hehe.. wierd stuff n all to put in here.. n take my word.. iw as actually tryin to keep all those events in mind so i wudnt miss thm.. this one has to go on my blog.. was my thot!! :D

Remainder: meeting with Patrick at 12pm followed by lunch

i put it on a snooze.. (remind jus 5 mins earlier karke!!) wasnt like very eager bout d whole thing... nor was i inquisitive bout how a client meet mite be.. but yea.. as it proceeded it unvield to me so many surprise.. all of which i welcomed and learned from...

we were all at Coral( dats d name of d room where v had d meet) 5 minz early.. n dat fella was already in there..... it was today .. infact at dat time dat i realised.. oh .. d ppl in my team actually hav got some life in 'em!!! they wer laughin around.. jus like lil kids would outside d principal's room in school :D, neways.. both naidu n kannan( d PM's) were already in there.... n one of these ppl entered n the rest follwed him into the room... there he stood smiling, dat sure was a pleasing site smhow there was warmth in it( i dunno how i read all dat from his smile.. but yea.. m very sure i dod read all dat frm jus his smile.. coz i felt myself returning a similar smile( n cummon u know when u really smile dil se n whn u jus paste one on ur face!!) )

neways.... his face n shirt wer both pink... d only difference was.. that when he smiled or laughed ( which he did quite a few times) his face would go a lil more pink and his ears would sort of turn red but d color of his shirt wouldnt change... else they all lukd perfectly blended.. absolutely same shade :D.( waise to m not d kind who notices so much... infact looks are one thing.. nah.. THE one thing dat i dont pay attention on when i meet or see sm1.. it jus hapens to be their gestures n behaviour... ) yea.. so all i mean to say is... it aint that i actuall noticed it.. its jus dat all of it was more than evident :) . .

A pleasing personality( a daddy like being :) very gud to be with.. u know d kind that u;d go... smiiiiileeee... :D ) n there he began... he jus spoke smthin.. n all dat much.. hold on.. sm1 callin me!!.... ya.. so bak.. heheh dat was fr for... for for fooorrrrrrrrrrrr CHOCOLATES!!!!!!! ya.. wil tell u bout d chocolates bit in a while.........

hmm so where was i.. ya.. he started speakin... nah.. wait.. lemme say smthin else before that.. wat i thot of d whole thing as i stepped into Coral.. its gonna be one of those dynamic meetings... well atleast d initiative seemd full of dynamism.... ya.. so he started speakin... n.... he stammered.. not once.. not twice.. it was so many many times.. rather it was more so.. dat it was very much a way dat he spoke.... i dunno.. that really dint startle me as such.. but yea... d kind of image i had about the whole thing... you know the "lessons" taught before u enter d corporate world.. dat u gotto be gud.. u gotto be reaLLY GOOD.. U u shud know how to talk, what to talk when to talk, u should know to write really well.. all that communication skill things..i jus had a flashbak sort... n here i was sitting in front of a man... complete in himself ... well versed in technical skills.. n hey.. jus imagine.. if such aperson(indian) would take d initiative to speak.. or rather to present smthin... leave alon in a different country.. may be rite here in india.. he;d be laughed at...... well. i mean.. i was jus wondering.. would wipro india... ok.. i'll say wipro manikonda ...send a person... n indian.. who'd stammer to represent wipro.. in Finland? .. well i dont think so... we here dont treat ppl dat way.. y? i dont know y... he mite have all his technical tactics rite.. but no.. he proabbly wudnt be sent.. cz he stammers.... see d difference... v really need to grow as humans.. u know.. to respect one for what he is ... is very important... very very important... jus to live a satisfactory life perhaps... a peaceful one rather.....

neways... movin on.. so he started speakin.. he went like ... may be we shud begin with n introduciton... n he introduced himself... n dat followed n intro sort of .. for d rest of d team.. but obvious i was d last one to speak.. coz i chose d perfect place :).. n i went like... I am Tasneem and have joined the CPI team just last week (i dont have to mention that i was smiling do i??? :D ) n he gave me a broad smile n said.. welcome to CPI.. n thennn.. he held this blak color bag.. n put it on d table.. n.. and andd.. from that... he removed.. a box of choclates.. then another one... and another one... n yea.. d last one after that.... n i could see my team gooo yooooooo... although they dint say it..... u know d .. mann mein laddu phoot rahe the kinda expressions( yea i cud make dat out!) .. well after that.. he moved towards another bag.. n from there.. he removed three more boxes of chocolates :) n said.. this is a gift from me to the cpi team offshore( dat happens to be us :) ) n the other boxes were a token of gift from.. umm well.. lemme get their names... ya.. Kiran and Girish.. d ppl onsite.. to d offsite team.. :) neways.. so its like.. chocolates.. finnish chocolates here on my table.. n my drawer.. waise hamari team kaafi badi hai .. tooooo.. end me.. utne zyade nahi mile.. magar kafi hain.. i ate umm 1 2 ... nai.. 4... m gonna take d rest home.. fr my sistrz n mummy.. n my baby Rehan :) ... i wanna share it wid my frnds too.. but they are'nt many.. n if i do.. then i cant take any home... n d reason iw anna take 'em home is.. ummm welll.. u know.. first joib.. first CLIENT meet.. first client gift sort.. jo bhi yaa.. bas wanna show mumma n baba.. :) .. n my sisters tooo.. will luv 'em na..

ya.. so after d chocolate part.. hey .. know wats goin on rite now... d ppl onsite sent us a mail askin how v likd choclates.. n these ppl are like.. radha has confiscated all of 'em./.. i dinno these ppl really had life in them yaa.. heheh..

ya.. so where was i...( i jus tuk a break to hav a choc... :D wo choc me na... caramelised mint tha n i dint expect it.. n whn i bit it... umm wo under ka.. mint hting started pouring out.. n its.. all over my fingrs now.. n i dont hav a tissue also... neva mind!!) haan.. jaane kyun log pyar karte hain.. jaane knyu wo kisi pe amrte hain..... hushhh!! chill.. jus lisnin to dat song yaaa..

hann.. so he went on wid d meeting.. i mean d formal presentation.. n d main agenda n stuff.. n all dat went on till.. umm well.... 1 or so... pyaar bin jeene me rakha kya hai.. pyar jisko nahi.. wo tanha haii.. ( SORRRYYY!!!! heheh)

haan.. n there d meetin wrapped up.. n we had to move for lunch... hmmmmm d lunch.. obviously.. first eva formal lunch of mine... blaa not dat i was wonderin wat to do.. but ya... v moved to d talent transformation blok.. i dnt remmba how exactly i reachd there.... i was jus followin sm1.. n v landed in a neatly arranged room.. n got seated.. mean while raste me .. ye baaki team waale na.. bohot maskharapana karre the.. u know.. thier umm well may b they call it masti... so i was like.. oho.. ye log bhi.. yea rrrite!! neways... v had dat lunch of ours.. it was fine.. bettr than cafeteria ka khana.. it ought to be waise.. warna koi client nahi aata tha yahan.. khair... d lunch went on for soo long.. i realised v wrapped up at 2.30.. itni der tak khaye i was wonderin....

so it all ended... n ... v moved bak... n on my way.. i spoke to one of my team members.. ( ya it was like fr d first time iw as talkin to sm1 casually n she seemd so much like us, nai to i thot ye log ki zindagi kaam me hi nikalti hai.. kahan phasa diya wo Bala ne mujhe.. )

bholi si soorat aankhon mein masti.. dur khadi sharmaaye.. aye hayee.. :D

chalo.. i'll wrap it up here.. before i type d whole song.. sawan ka pehla baadalll..............



hey i frgotttt... d mountain thin..... ya.. so its like.. every time v have a new proj.. i mean a new thing to do in d same proj.. umm well.. may b i shud say.. d new release of d tool dat is due.. d proposed plan is.. named after... a mountain.. ya.. its .llike... a new mountain to climb..... so.. this time d mountain;s name is... Annapurna.. n its gonna be in two increments.. well it usually is dat way.. v sort of have two increments goin every year sort.. hmm.. so.. dat wat dat Kanchenjunga thing i read about in d knowledge repository... n ya.. its like.. every alternate year its n Indian peak... so it was matterhorn proj this time.. which i earlier thot was smthin else.. but it was d name of a peak in Europe... so dats how CPI works.. n now.. v have plans fr Annapurna...


kab tak chup baithe... ab to kuch hai bolnaa.. :D :D

will not get bak again.. atleast for d dayyy :)

adios!

Pata nai...!!#$%^&*!#!!

pata nai, not much to put here.. has been a lonesome day although they;ve been ppl around, very much makin their presence felt, physically n virtually...

pata nai.. therz so much to nuthin .. n nuthin at all to d so much i;ve had fr d day... blaa jaanedo..

hey.. suno suno sunoooo absolutely borin day wid me n docs, n docs n docs.. m so thankful its d computer age.. else i cudnt imagine myself wid a huge stack of papers in frnt of me.. to review.. no.. not review... to.. umm well.. study... or may be evn skim thru for d rest of d week.. kya hoga mera.. i hope i survive this ennui( my fav word.. ahh i;ve used aftr suchhh a longggg time hehehe)

therz so much so much so muchh.. but therz nuthin nuthin nuthin.. lolz i know i cn mess it all up n neva make one undstand! blaaa.. watevaa..

byee

BoOoOoM!!!!!!

My goodness!!! i;ve gotto log dis event!!.. mite seem silly later( waise bhi wateva i put here seems silly to me whn i read it later )

i was too engrossed in these documents...had like many many many things to read bout n suddnly... BOOOOOOM!!!!!! yeaa!! i jus heard a booom.. a mini xplosion kind..i heard it frm like.. umm well seemd like it was a nice frm smwhere behind.. i jus stoppd n lukd bak.. i cud see thru d windo.. hoooooooo!!! it was SMOKEEE!!!! aila.. i thot kuch to hua.. n know wat came in my mind jus then.. ... sm days bak sm frnd of mine told me of sm bomb scare at infosys banglore... geee.. yahan bomb booommmmm ... thn i thot. nai.. may b smthin lesser than dat.. coz i saw jus a lil smoke.. n wasnt d only one startled.. evn umm wats dis fell's name.. wait.. yea.. Sesi Bhushan( jus turnd around to chk on his name plate :D) he kept lukin fr a minute too... n jus thn... i was still think.. ohhh i musttttt blog this.. heheh me such a a.. aaa.. ah wateva!! blaa..

as i finish this.. it jus seems to me.. dat was a lil xplosion those ppla t d other end of wipro( which is sort of in d makin) made to blow up sm huge rock or smthin.. blaaa.. bomb yea ritee heheeheheh.. stupidly wierd imagination!! :P

seems rubble all over.. haan yaaa... wahi tha i think.. blaaa!!!

hey.. chalo bye.. wil get bak again.. may b no today.. errr.. or may be i will get bak again today..

ciao!!



i told ya i;d b bak!!!! it was 3.15 then... n its 5.44 now... n hey.. ya.. i frgot... my alumni meeeeet! dat was such a nice experiance... not dat it was smthin thrillin or smthin extraordinary.... a regular.. typical MJ get together... but was special.. i met my pals after longggg... :) n i luvd it... v had lil talks .. reminicsed gud old days... ( old!! woo yea rrite!!!!) cudnt belive i was there again.. not as a student.. was there as n alumnus.. ahh i remmba pullin Nadeem Bhai's leg over dat.. n he had said.. aayega bhai.. aapka bhi number aayega.. tab dekhnege.... n on saturday.. iw as like.. ye lo.. aagaya wo din bhi..... same col.. jus wanted to move around.. luk around .. walk that path again.. but fariya d silly girl was late! i dunno Y she has to work on a saturday!!!! every weeek!! ooparse weekdays bhi til 8!! .. v played silly games.. n won cute prizes.. i got these realllyy cute lukin pen holders..hmm i;ll try describin thm... ummm.. one was a cube... with pink fluid kinda hting inside it.. n lil boats hangin around there.. with lotsa gliter.. colorful n sute.. the other one was a lil bigger... it was a hexagone sort... n purple colored fluid wid similar cute lukin boats floatin inside n lotsa gliter in dis one too.. m gonna get d pink one fr my desk tomorro :)

n heyyyy Kabul express yaaroooo.. i likd it.. it was guddd :) hatke frm d regulars umm it was jus nice.. n i wanted to see it.. n iwas glad i ended up seein it..

uumm well chalo.. 5.50, another 10 minz n me shooooo.... this Java 5 thing seems gud yaa.. two things i understood of it.. it seemd so programmer frndlyy ahh.. hv a lil more to catch up dat.. blaa.. wrk fr today was jus docs n docs n docs... n seems its gona b d same fr d rest of d week.. i aint sure if i shud rejoice.. cz seemingly.. this is d best.. rather d least wrk one gets to do here,,, so its like.. m spared for another weakk.. ....... ohhh am i?!?!!!!!

n hey!!! peach n white!!!! yeaaaaaa rrrrrrrrritE!!!!( m gonna reallly laugh readin this bit later.. if i actually remmba y i;ve rittn it)

signing offf! adios!!

Fridayz havent been this awaited earlier.. :D

Its jus a lil while bak that Fridayz have become the most awaited for me( there is one thing i feel ashamed of as i write about "waiting for a friday" now, nonetheless will not mention that reason here.... there are a few things iw ud neva wanna share wid anyone atleast at dis point of life..) ahh dat bracket was a fairly serious mood.. blaa... not required anymore!! eeee.. yea... so so so sooo well its a friday againn... a weekend ahead!!!!! chuttiiiiiiii!! mastiiii... funnnn ye wooo.. blaa bluuu.. heheh all those words can be defined by a one liner for me.. know wat dat is "being at home"... ahhh ghar ki baat nahi aati yaa kahin bhii heheh..

so a long weeknd.. i plan to sleeeeeeeeep!!!!!! zyada nai.. jus 8 baje tak... n agar baba kuch nai boleto.. toooo 10 baje tak.. aur agar fir bhi kuch nai boleeee... tooooo 11 baje tak.. heheh.. usse zyada merse nai hota!! loll

mmm cant wait... 5.40pm...... a purplish sky.. n i see d reflection of d street lite in d window of dat other side of wipro dats in d makin.. ahhh a call.. ek min.... haan.. so dat seemd pretty nice..

blaaaa neva mind.. kya mujhe pyaar haiii yeaaaaaaaaa.. kaisa qumaar haiii yeaaa... arre.. jus a song m lisnin to rite noww...

chal.. bye fr now.. itssss FRIDAYYYYY yipppyyyy!!!

ta taaaaaa

blaa d bluuu d bleee.. arre jo bhi yaaa!! ;)

Hmm, now thats swift motion indeed, seems elegant...like a bird.......... absolutely clear sky, not a dot to give it a messy look.... oh no.. ya therz this yello big huge... umm i dunno wat they call it.. smthin used fr construction... crane hota haina... uska dad lagra raha hai.. nah.. grandpa i think...

yea.. bak to dat swift elegant blaa blaa motion.. was talkin of a plane dat i see frm here.. my new cubicle T4/T/C120. yup dats tower 4, 3rd floor. n there are these huge windows rite in frnt dat gimme a pleasant view..well.. of.... ummmm d other side of wipro-mkd n a clear sky... i think it was n indian airlines flite.. ya fir air india ki thi hogi... well cud make out it was one of d two.. jus dat i aint sure coz my gk aint all dat gud...

neways.... i jus saw it move in d sky n it sort of caught my attention for those two seconds after whihc i saw it dissappear(chala gaya yaar aage... plane hai... jaldi hi move hoga na!! )
ya.. so... it wasnt dat i saw an airplane fr d first time.. but ya.. i sure saw it fr d first time frm dis new place of mine... thru these windows.. n it jus reminded meof da....... WTC incident... yea.. 9/11

kaise laga hoga unlogon ko.. d ppl on dat floor... where d plane hit... they cud see it cm towards them thru such huge windows.. where they wer wrkin... in d wee hours of mornin... this one thing reminded me of those tv grabs i saw.... it seemd so similar... wahi cubes sorta structure... those flipping curtains.... n these windows n stuff.... jus dat d plane wasnt as close as it was then.. but obvious!!

ahaan .. yelo.. n obstruction to my view.... oh ok.. therz a balcony sorts here.. dats wat.. i was wondering how'd this guy turn up here wid his cup of cofee n d fone...

neways....... today... Tasneemz frame of mind( i hate talkin of myself like dat.. i mean.. u know.. Tasneem talkin of herself n always sayin Tasneem this Tasneem dat... ahh u dont get it do u.. wait.. i;ll xplain.... its like.. suppose I keep using "Tasneem" when i can actually use " my, me, mine" so may b if i;d wanna say.. "dat buk belongs to me... i;d say... dat buk belongs to Tasneem.. hmm ya... talkin of urself in the third person sense... its like givin urself dat utmost monarchy n majestic sort of importance.. blaaaa! yea rrite... it sounds tacky.. n is like throwin attitudee!!!!! n dats one thing dat DOES NOT define me...yea now get bak to readin at what was before this brcket started!!).. is so different frm wat it was yesterday... u neva know yaa..
hey... wil be right bak wid a cup of cofee.. really feel like havin one... hold on.. will be back..!

geeeee.... m bakk!!! mmmm my cup of cocktail was yummy today... oh cocktail... well its.. umm my secret formula of... a yummy cup of cofee ka chota bhai.. heheh.. wateva u get outta dat!

blaaa neva mind....

yup.... so wat i was yesterday n wat i am today.. wat a difference voila... totally disturbed n lost n upset n messed wid my emotions n moods.. ahh confused, yea dats d rite word( yup those who know bout it would say.. SILLY GIRL!!!!) n today... relaxed... feelin gud...
yesterday i got up wid a thot .. a wish... dat "today(meaning yesterday) finishes realllyy fast" n it actually did... but d difference was... how i came to office n how i went bak home.... my journey to office was like..?!!!!!#???$%#*&^!! n my journey bak home was ------------- now u get it dont u... ! a spectacular site.. very pleasing .. smthin like a full moon.. nah.. not smthin like it.. i think it was a full moon( i say i think cz may be it was jus a lillllll less dan d full moon) neways.. it was beautiful... dark sky.. n a yellowish moon.. smilin at me.. ahh.. how pleasin is dat now!!

its so unbelievable to think dat such things really happen.. u r in such a chaotic frame of mind in d beginning of d day.. n may b by d end of it.. its like.. u've never felt so much at ease, so much in peace before... n its all so gud to think of... perhaps these lil tensions( luk at me... m such a brat.. yesterday it was like a pahaaad(mountain) of troubles n now dat it aint dat way anemore, m callin it.. "lil tensions" heheh m sooooo human :p hehehheh ) are worth it... u know may b.. jus to taste dat peace... dat ease... one can risk these situations( m sure i wudnt agree to this next time whn i feel smthin similar :D...)

hmm well dats bout it fr now i guess.... i;ve got a couple of things to do fr d day... i hope i get its all done on time.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmm! wrappin it up here...!!

adios!!!

pal mein zindagi badal jaati hai..

wat do u call this now?......... i call it "testing my patience" .. n yes.. today i've decided to test it... this is d fourth time m typin all this down.... n i hav d content clearly cut in my mind.... some wierd problem n d sys hangs up whn m at d end of d post wid d thot dat " no its not gona hang up this time" but it again did... n no.. m still not frustrated... i dont know y... i jus know dat i am not... here goes... dats how i had begun this post of mine.. n m gona start off again.. jus d same way..

" m not sure if i thud b happy or sad... or i;d rather say... m not sure if m feelin gud or bad ( yupp therz loads of diffrence between d two for me!! ) i dunno y this happend.. n i dunno if it shud have... all i know.. is... i dnt know.... ( hey i realise my state of confusion is jus as much as it was when i was typing this post fr d first time) m not sure if m upset... well i think i am... but i dnt hav a gud reason i know....

Bala( my managerz(Satish) manager) walked up to my desk yesterday n said.. Tasneem lets have a talk n led me to his room.. n there he discloses... Tasneem.. the Erricson account has requirement, they want resource n u'll get a lot to learn there... i jus lookd on... as he kept sayin wat n y n all dat... n at d end of it.. i gave him the " hey!! do u know wat ur sayin?? Y ME?? " kinda look... njus smiled... n he arranged a conference call n i spkoe to my new manager.. n we had a meting sort n... well now m a part of n ERRICSON project... ahh i dunno wat...

i kno wat happens happens for gud.. m so sure m gona get to learn m gona get to grow m gona have a nice time workin there... its big... but i dunno.. therez smthin else too.. n m not sure wat dat smthin else is..... i know its happend for gud.. but y suddenly.. y me... y ... ahh pata nai...

its jus that... umm well... I DONT KNOW WAT!!!! yea.. dats wat... m so confused.. i dunno wt to feel.. everyone else is like.... Erricsonn!! oh gudd!!! but Avaya bhi accha tha.. dats wat i feel... now its gona be new project, new team, new place( yea i gotto move to a diffrent tower) new ppl... n its gona be fine... but... hey i dint expect things to change so sooon.. i had jus settled.. it took me a whole month n m askd to do it all over again.. ahh! yea.. i think dats wats bothering me....

i dinno i was like this... i thot i was quite comfortable wid change.... i neva realised... dat i dont possess dat (umm wat do i call it now.. ) thing(WATEVVVA!!!) to adapt to change... its been so simple to listen to dat.. "change is the only thing dats constant in life" phrase, now lukin at it... i feel.. OOOOOOOO IS IT?????

LIFE always does wats best for life... i;ve always belived in dat.. n i still do... i dint expect such a change.. but i know its good... its gona be nice... m so damn sure bout all d gudies related to it.. but smthin stil priks, i dunno wat! but hey... like i said.... life does wats best for life... n perhaps i needed this change on the first day of 2007 (2nd Jan) in my office. nuthin rong has happend in my life since 21 years yaaa ( nowww.. m not trying to say ki ye bura hua, m sure accha hua.. jus dat.. ye time pe hua... dats takin me a lil time..) to fir ab kuch kaise ho sakta hai.... everythin has always come so effortlessly to me since the very beginning... i dont know y my Lord has been so Merciful especially to me ( i really do sumbit dat He is the Most Merciful), n this perhaps is smthin dat had to happen smthin dats gona bring sooooooooo mcuh gud for me.... ... "

waise aur bhi bohot kuch hua kal... Mal bhai n Naseer bhai came to meet me :) ...

neways.. wil wrap it up here.. before this creates any other problem nw.... i jus hope TODAY finishes very quickly.. u know.. like they say... in a wink of the eye... yea.. dat quickly...