I am not very sure what kinda feeling this is.... m feelin gud , bad, sad angry... pata nai.. yesterday when iw as heading towards d bus, n after ir eached there... i got a call from Naidu sayin i have to get back. We have a mail from oniste and there are some findings and we need to fix them before today so u have to get back he said. I dint want to, just a lil while ago, before that fone call, we were discussing how hez been behaving with other ppl of the team... i dont know, i just had this wierd adamance that i did not at any cost want to get back and stay late and work ! i had other important things at home to do i said. He insisted on my returning, i told him i'll call back in 5 mins.... i called back and said... i am sorry i cant come. I ahve some important work to do that cant be postponed either and i;v already comitted for the evening so its not possible. He just wudnt listen to me... forget listen... he dint even want to hear what i was saying,, he just went on and on and on saying this is very important and you have to come back... i kept saying i cant help it coz i took some time from you just so that i cud call up n confirm and i did that... so i cant help it.. if i cud.. i wud... dats what i said.. he sitll did'nt lisn... he said this is not the way an engineer works, sometimes you have to stay back and we dont ask you to stay back everyday do v... i replied saying its not a matter of staying back, i did stay back earlier dint i? i asked.. its jsut that i have something more important at home to do... he said see tasneem you are not understanding, this client is very imortant to us, i said i do undstand howimportant his project is for ericsson and how important ericsson is for Wipro, but rite now i just can not come naidu, i said... he still dint lisn to me,,, he said you have to come bak... i just lisned to him, he still went on, n said luk there are somethings for alex for windows and for the images also and if you dont come back it may take us the entire nite to sit and do it, i said i undstand that naidu but i can not come, and he again dint lisn to me, he just dint want to understand anything but that i must come back at any damn cost. and dats wat made me all the more angry, when i am saying therz somehting important, he tells me that everyone has important things to do rite, n i jus said if this was not that important i would come back too, i did stay back earlier when v had a crisis dint i... he dint lisn again!! i cudnt believe i was talking to a manager who turned so deaf towards n employees request, inspite of the arrogance with which he spoke and the silly adamance that he showed.
I dont know, i wasnt really scared if you ask me.... i disliked him even earlier for his behaviour towards my collegues, but even then i'd feel bad of hating him and wud feel not so good for not having respect for someone whoz so much senior to me. c'mon this is'nt me i;d say, however bad a fella woudl me, trust me i;d always luk at atleast one thing he/she had that was gud n wud stop myself from hating them. but yesterday, i dont know.. i sensed a wierd hatred towards him, i reached home... n it was Maghrib time, i was like.. what do i ask for this fello! a little tolerance? some better way to behave, or just to get him off from wherever i belong. i was so confused and angry...
Just then i got a call from a friend n i spoke to her... n i felt much better.. later i spoke to Fariya, i was still confused bout what i had done.. was it rite/rong/ gud/bad/ was i behaving stupidly arrogant?? but then she told me to stop thinking and that what i did was absolutely fine and that one must have it to say 'no' also. i felt much better after that...
then i went do................
its 4.21pm now.. i started riting here in d mornin... but went into duin work... n now m still in d middle of it.. i'll contniue the above part a lil later may b.. but for now... m feelin bad :(... i'll say why... but after i fisnish work... so not publishing untill then....
ok m back... n not in mood to rite...
but i still will... coz i wanna read it later...
all the extra image changes i had done, were all undone when i dint turn up yesterday... it was done with d idea that things will be fine.. n they even thot so n delivered the package.... but this morning whn saw it.. n showed 'em.. they realised there were pixels missing.. and dats when i told them i had already done the changes for this n checked in d files. then? .. all they told me was.. they just tuk the DHT THS images n put them there... ( dat was two days of my work.. 8 hours of which iw as billed) neways... since later they realised their mistake,,, they reverted to the ages i designed... there still was sm error.. but this time just one(obviously coz i had taken care of the rest..) .
in the mean while wheneva there was talk.. i kinda felt.. naidu was ignoring me.. but thn he cudnt help it.. i as d one who was duin it.. he hd no choice.. n he behaved wid me like his normal best, and i was obviously shocked beyond words as to how one can behave with such tremendous change in two different situations that are so closely related!,
anewyas, i requested to make some more changes n gave some ideas n said i wana try them then v'll build it... soumendra said ok.. since v hav no other go.. let's do it... n ya.. this time it wrkd, but again there was one pixel change required, thankfully, it was identifiable and requred another lil thing for me to do and i did it.. n it looked great after dat....
and during all this v had to take approvals from kannan n girish in finland.. n all they knew bout it was, soumendra was doing it, they were on call... n even then whateva changes they'd propose i had some validations to give for that n i;d xplain it to soumendra n v'd realise its not possible n then he was d one who;d again say all dat to them at finland... in short.. the hulla gulla done yesterday impacted to a rong fact potrayed that all d work's been done by him, when i m d one whoz.. damn.... neva mind.. i find myslef lowering my cadre of ability by wanting to highlight it.. but how about fair talk? neva mind..
neways... its finall done.. n I yes.. I did it... n i can atleast proudly say they cudnt do it widout me... u know y i can say dat... coz yesterday they did try it widout me.. n thot they were sucessful until in d morning i showed they wernt... i dont care bout d rest (it dznt matter, coz all those ppl have been good to me so far) but yea.. my manager.. he still dint have one word of appreciation for me.... it definitely was a silly task n difficult to do, but duin it n succeding after so many attempts does'nt even require a good?
after it was built n it looked perfect, soumendra gave n exciting its done tasneem ! .. i liked it.. i thot thank god.. coz i really had no more ideas to try to make it look anything better... n then he told naidu, he just came lukd smiled n said oh finally done ha... thn lookd at me n said.. oh so u moved pixels? i told hiim what i did.. n he said ok .. dats it!
y do they ahve to be like this?
i still dislike him
1. for never appreciating my work
2. for talking rudely to my collegues
3. for behaving arrogantly wid me yesterday.
and if iw anna put that in order, by giving them a rank,,, then i'd put it this way
1. for talking rudely to my collegues
2. for never appreciating my work
3. for behaving arrogantly wid me yesterday.
n yea.. bout dat subject line now... yea.. iburnt the tip of all my five fingers... of the left hand... i boiled n egg, n there was a plate on dat bowl that was on the stove, firt time i as careful to hold dat plate wid a piece of cloth, but d send time whn i remved d egg from d boiling hot water.. i put it in dat same plate, and then as my wierd mind was wandering into thoughts bout that nonsense talk n predicting his today'd behaviour, i just held dat hot plate wid my left hand so i cud hold the egg under water as i ripped off its peal ! n i was careful not to let go d plate coz it would fall down n make a bigg noise n mumma was just in d hall sleeping.... so i carefully put it down(damn a plate on d stove for about 25 minutes! n i was still carefull to put it bak down holding it wid bare hands!!!!) n damn i still have a terribly burning sensation in all my figers of d left hand.. n i;ve been typing since morning too..
aneways... now v gotto go out .. i mean to d cafeteria.... n hez takin us for snaks.. y?? coz the onsite guyz went on vacation n coz dwae n alex got released there... so a lil snack party to offshore too... but dat dznt in any way take my spirits very high.
but yea.. there is a little contending feeling within that says... "they cudn't do without you ;)"
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