Was walking in a hurry... it was past 7.40 am, i was most likely to miss the bus(i actually did miss mine.. moved to another stop n thankfully got d other one there..) i was rushing... n a little boy there.. ( i walk to take n auto to reach d stop) n he asked... "Baji aj aap moo nahi dhoye?" n he smiled at me... i js smield n said.. dhoyi n nodded my head... may b my eyes r swelled up or smthin cz of... neva mind...
..i dont have a choice... i cant keep it within, it hurts.. more than i think i could i handle... i need to get it out n place it orderly.. so i can use my mind to for a sensible approach to it... a paranoid behaviour wont really do...
i dont scribble here.. i wont undstand... may b i;'ll rite it.. thn read it.. then undrstand.. and may see a better way out...
i;ve been to every hospital i could have with baba n mum... its all confusions.. they dont know what.. and more so.. v cant decide... surgery or not... what the hell are htey for? i hate doctors... i;ve known some of them in this little time.. n i see them no less than butchers.. inhuman people practicing their profession... dats d whole game out htere.... outta all i;ve been to... may js 3 have shown a genuine response... i hate them all..
hez a spine surgeon... i was convinced... earlier.. i wasnt one bit for d surgery.... later i thought this was it.... Akhil Dadi.. hez d doc for my mom i thought... a new morning showed me a different perspective.. n v( me n baba) have been meddling with thoughts... trust me.. totally lost in it... i ws sure last nite.. its 90% surgery tomoro morning... i thought v'll go by instinct now.. have had enuf of it... she has to be relieved of the pain.. therz no delaying... no second thought anymmore... its just not helping her.. none of us can see her that way... got up morning... thought v'd b goin for it.... baba had another thought this mrning... he was awake wn i walked down to see.. i asked are v going.. he asked me to sit... n said... v;ll go to Alok Ranjan once... he said that yesterday too.. i did not agree.. i dont wanna take mum to apollo after dat neurologist cold response day before yesterday... i dont trust them one bit... and its devastating to think of having her operated with a doc from that departmnt in apollo ... but baba says v;ll try....... call... ghar se tha....
neways.... until last nite... i thot tomoro morning m gonna b at Yashodha secunderabad... gettin mum ready for d surgery... since ia m here... posting this... i relaise the Lord dint want it that way... and this is somehting i really relied on.. i wanted the right way to be shown... may b m being led... may be we are being led.....
it isnt that baba isnt convinced about Akhil Dadi... but yea he did have some doubts.. coz he luks like a young guy... but i happened to read bout him.. in sm news clippings on d noticeboard in dat hosp.. that read he was a spine surgeon whoz done more than 300 of such surgeries.. n is also good at joint replacements... dad candidly asked him... n he was kind enuf not to overreact.. ns aid i so 2 - 3 such surgeries ina month..
i dont know.. i aint sure... leaving thigs to happen... instead of turning them around to make them work... may b leavin them to allow them to work will help...
work is piling up too... i dont know wats gona happen here either...
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